Cityfile, a new Web site devoted to detailing the lives of New York’s media celebrities, thus allowing people who are already narcissists to catapult their obnoxiousness to heretofore unseen heights, is something a rational person might not believe exists. (”Why?” “For whom?” Who’s paying for this?”) But this is the bluest state, friends, where undergrad degrees and company rivalries actually matter to people. And where public masturbation can pass as a reasonable business venture.

At right, Cityfile’s “Top Lists” list for today. It’s the most succinct explanation of New York City we’ve ever seen.

PRINT PUBLICATIONS DIE LIKE THIS “For newspapers, the news has swiftly gone from bad to worse. This year is taking shape as their worst on record, with a double-digit drop in advertising revenue, raising serious questions about the survival of some papers and the solvency of their parent companies. … Executives at the Hearst Corporation say that one of their biggest papers, The San Francisco Chronicle, is losing $1 million a week. Over all, ad revenue fell almost 8 percent last year. This year, it is running about 12 percent below that dismal performance, and company reports issued last week suggested a 14 percent to 15 percent decline in May.”

Tall, glum, forgettable actor Brad Garrett will star in and executive produce a new online reality program called Dating. Set to premiere on digital platforms like Hulu and YouTube, Dating will follow Garrett on 10 blind dates with women culled from an online search.

Yes, this is a bad idea. But Garrett, still high off the incomprehensible success of Everybody Loves Raymond, thinks it’s gonna be great:

“An online dating show seemed like a logical choice given that I’m in the midst of a midlife crisis and averse to pain, which makes getting my ear pierced out of the question,” Garrett said. “And since I’m not picky about my choices, I hope women of all sizes, shapes and colors will be compelled to submit their videos.”

Confused, single and desperate—what a catch!

It really is amazing how quickly tired hacks were able to piss all over the possibilities of digital episodic entertainment.

We’ve known for years that we hate Perez Hilton, and it’s quite obvious that Perez Hiton hates Perez Hilton, but who knew that Perez Hilton’s readers also hate Perez Hilton?

After the jump, some fan reactions to the news that the Gossip Gangster is the subject of an upcoming musical.

CONTINUED »

WHAT’S AMAZON’S TIME WORTH? “You expect it to happen to fund-strapped start-ups such as Twitter. But Amazon? The e-commerce site went down this afternoon around 1:30 EDT and stayed down for at least an hour. Attempts to access Amazon.com were met with the following message: ‘Http/1.1 Service Unavailable.’ It’s hard to know exactly how many dollars a minute Amazon loses in sales for every moment its site is down, but simple math pegs it at about $1.8 million an hour …”

Here’s a good idea: Develop a video game to encourage the pedophilic tendencies of the Internet community by challenging them to take naughty photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus. We would like to talk to the person who makes it through the entire game and doesn’t feel the urge to take a shower.

Oh, for fuck’s sake:

Coolspotters.com, a new Web site that presents what products celebrities are using, launched Wednesday in beta with Pepsi signed on as the exclusive launch sponsor.

The site … has pages for products … and connects them to actors, athletes, business icons, musicians and politicians.

For example, Jessica Alba’s page features links to pictures of the actress wearing Timberland shoes or using a Sidekick 3. Pepsi’s page has links to YouTube clips of Pepsi commercials featuring celebrities and candid photos of Lindsay Lohan and Alba with the soft drink.

Because it shouldn’t taste good to you if it doesn’t taste good to Jessica Alba.

TomCruise.com, a Web site devoted to Tom Cruise and his 25-year career, is up and running, and it’s very weird. Go there to be inundated with theme music from several of Cruise’s films and really pertinent information from the man himself like, “I love movies.” Oddly, no mention of Scientology anywhere on the site. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Madonna threw a “thank you concert” (whatever that means) for her fans last night at New York’s Roseland Ballroom, but it was also broadcast live through MSN for all the Internet trolls. From the looks of things, we’re glad we neither stood in line nor took a break from watching American Idol to watch this nonsense. When will this woman learn that she is no longer 25?

[Source]

‘GOSSIP GIRL’ VIEWERS TOO FUTURISTIC “Defying the conventional wisdom these days, the CW has decided to hype the upcoming return of ‘Gossip Girl’ by opting not to stream episodes of the show on the Web. Indeed, execs seem worried that the show may be too popular online, say media reports today. Most networks … have been hyping Internet streaming as a key component of the marketing and monetization of series and the show is regularly among the most downloaded shows on iTunes and is off the chart in terms of Web buzz. Yet, CW execs and those at parent companies CBS Corp. and Warner Bros. have been frustrated that raw Nielsen ratings haven’t been higher.”