Because we’re haters who don’t like anything but gloom and bitter coffee, we’re still kind of WTF? about Scarlett Johansson’s cover album, Anywhere I Lay My Head, composed almost entirely of Tom Waits songs. Some people disagree with us, but that’s cool, because we know they’re wrong.

Decide for yourself with this video for Anywhere’s first single, “Falling Down.” After watching the teeny movie in its entirety (keeping an eye out for the famous author cameo), then compare it to the Tom Waits version here. Then try to fully comprehend just how little soul the cover has.

This today from Vulture, New York magazine’s culture and entertainment blog, under the headline, “Confirmed: Scarlett Johansson Makes Best-Ever Album by an Actor”:

We’ve finally heard her forthcoming album of Tom Waits covers for ourselves, and it’s official: Scarlett Johansson just gave us a Woody Allen. (And by the way, can’t you just hear the little man saying schwing?) The disc, Anywhere I Lay My Head, is good.

How incorrect they are! We heard Anywhere several weeks ago, and not only is it unworthy of the breathless copy above, it’s patently ridiculous to suggest that this cover album is the best musical recording ever to come from an actor.

Everyone knows the best music ever made by a thespian is, of course, Jane Birkin’s work with her notorious French lover, Serge Gainsbourg. Of particular greatness is the couple’s song “Je T’aime… Moi Non Plus,” a racy ballad kissed with lyrics like “I come and I go, in between your hips.” Closely following their work is comedian Eddie Murphy’s “Party All the Time,” that coke-fueled rager helmed by the late super freak Rick James. We’ve included both videos after the jump. Enjoy. And feel free to take to the comments to nominate any actors-cum-singers you feel deserve the title of “Best Ever.”

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