By the time you read this, I will be hopping on a subway headed downtown to meet my future fiance, Michael Phelps. He's hosting an event and doing red carpet interviews, so I am contractually obligated to remain professional and classy for the majority of the evening; there will, however, be an open bar, so I can't promise this self-control will last the entire night. The experience will be a success if he professes his undying love for me. Wish me luck, and I'll have the full write-up for you first thing tomorrow.
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In news that makes us happier than it should, Ryan Gosling is reportedly planning to propose to girlfriend and The Notebook co-star Rachel McAdams. Squee! All is right in the world. According to a source:
Ryan has already bought her the perfect ring — whether it's a present or for a pending engagement, I cannot say. What I do know is that they have been looking at houses together in Toronto and LA and are ready to take the next step. … They've been through a lot over the past couple years, but have survived it all. It's getting very serious, very quickly!
Um, yeah. This person doesn't sound very reliable, but we plan on eating cookie dough and watching The Notebook to reminisce anyway.
Is everybody sitting down? I have some exciting news: Next week I will be dispatched to cover an event hosted by none other than Michael Phelps! I'll give you a minute to stop squealing.
As you can imagine, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life — so I decided to ask for your input, dear readers: What should I ask Michael when I interview him on the red carpet (or as I follow him around throughout the evening)? All suggestions welcome. (Keep it clean; I am a classy lady.)
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A good woman is so hard to find. That's why 40-year-old Bishop Thomas Weeks, who was left by his last wife, televangelist Juanita Bynum, after he, uh, beat her up in a parking lot, has taken to his Web site to find himself a new wife. Preferably one who believes in second chances.
Last night's episode of The Hills was educational once again thanks to Professor Spencer Pratt, who utilized his few minutes on America's television screens to show men how to romance the ladies. First, take your woman to a fancy restaurant and start off the conversation with a discussion of your enemy (bonus points if said "enemy" is the result of a childish one-sided feud). Then threaten your girlfriend if she attempts to mingle with an acquaintance who is not of your liking. For the grand finale, take a peek at your watch and utter the affectionate words every woman wants to hear, whether or not she's finished with her dinner: "Time to get in bed and cuddle, my dear." Because if there's one thing women enjoy, it's being told what to do.
In a surprising turn of events, our girl crush and our boy crush are planning a "quiet first date" together after someone told Michael Phelps that Carrie Underwood thinks he's cute. The two reportedly started text-messaging, which led to Michael romancing Carrie by requesting that their first date not include dinner: "I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression."
Carrie's friends are less than impressed by this development, insisting that she was "devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke" and doesn't need another high-profile celebrity waltzing in and out of her life. Except this is Michael Phelps we're talking about — give him a couple more months and he will no longer be high-profile. America has a short attention span.
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Bust out the pints of Ben and Jerry's: 48-year-old Michael Lohan reportedly proposed to his girlfriend Erin Muller who, at 24, comes in at half his age. Sounds like true love to us. (Although, looking at the picture, we have a sneaking suspicion she's a little older than that. Or perhaps she's been spending all her time in a tanning bed.)
According to sources, "they're keeping [the engagement] quiet for the moment," which must be a lie because Michael Lohan couldn't keep something quiet if the world depended on it.
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The Notebook co-stars Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are apparently back together, as evidenced by their adorable PDA-filled breakfast in Toronto. Usually this kind of stuff makes us annoyed or bitter, but they have some magical power that makes us happy for them at all times.
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We've all snooped through our significant other's phone to make sure there's no funny business going on. The difference is most of us were in high school and not in The Greatest Relationship Ever, as Jessica Simpson claims to be with Tony Romo. And it's not something you willingly admit to many people, unlike Jess, who announced that she went through Tony's call log after his ex Carrie Underwood claimed he was still calling her.
According to Jess, "Tony and I both laughed at that. We got a chuckle out of it." But then she went through his phone — you know, just to be sure.
And we'd also like to take this time to point out that Carrie said, "The phone will ring and it'll be him, and I'll maybe not answer," which could mean that she's hypothetically speaking and this hasn't actually happened. Either way, she ruffled Jessica's feathers, which is a win for everyone except poor Tony.
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We squealed a little when we first saw that the next Bachelor will be Jason Mesnick, the lovable 32-year-old single dad from Seattle who was rejected by whiny Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas last season. Jason was always adorable, but the one who really stole the show was his 3-year-old son, Ty. Which worries us, because the last thing Ty needs is to see his father on national television week after week, only to meet the finalists who will eventually be given the boot a few months after the show ends. If you want to try to find love on a reality show that has proven to be unsuccessful in the marriage department, be our guest — but the fact that a child is involved makes us feel a little uneasy.
The good news is this now frees up Jeremy and Graham for our very own Mollygood bachelor competition.
Good news for fans of The Notebook (in other words, every female in the world); bad news for those of us who were hoping to date Ryan Gosling: The actor and his former co-star Rachel McAdams are back together, according to a source who spotted the two "getting close" in Toronto.
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Bret Michaels might want to at least try to keep up the pretense that he's on a quest for true love (although not even those auditioning for a spot on the third season of his reality competition buy into the idea). Despite the fact that Rock of Love Bus starts filming next month, Bret claims to still be in love with season two winner Ambre Lake. We weren't aware he had genuine feelings for her in the first place, but we'll go with it:
I still love her. I’m not really over her yet. We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She’s really got it. I think she’s great. … The reason for destruction of all my relationships is that I’m passionate about being on the road and making music.
Basically, what's he saying is that he is in no way, shape or form ready for any type of serious relationship. So be sure to tune in next season!
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Miley Cyrus has taken a break from leaking scandalous photos to talk to Seventeen magazine about her former secret relationship with Nick Jonas. Keep in mind the two are 15 years old as you listen to Miley rehash the greatest romance of our time:
We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, 'I think you're beautiful and I really like you.' And I was like, 'Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.' Nick and I loved each other. We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7.
When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights — and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now — I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I've got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.
Nick is now rumored to be dating Miley's YouTube rival and fellow Disney star Selena Gomez, but Miss Cyrus doesn't mind: "I like being the girl nobody can have. No one can touch me, no one's mine. I'm myself. I think it's sexy to do your own thing." Seeing as how her views on relationships have rapidly matured, you can also expect her trip to rehab earlier than normal.
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Just when we were hoping that actor/singer/porn star Ray J and Whitney Houston’s inexplicable relationship was no more, they are back in the public eye. And still romantically entwined.
The Matt Grant edition of The Bachelor wasn't any more entertaining than every other season, but the breakup is proving otherwise. Former fiance (and constant famewhore) Shayne Lamas told People magazine about her plans for the engagement ring, purchased by ABC: She's keeping it "safe and clean and in a glass box — like a glass slipper." Also? Matt is totally on board with the idea and even "wants to come over and look at it."
Naturally, the magazine then got a response from Matt, because this is middle school and two adults can't just decide what to do with a piece of jewelry without using the media as a go-between. And, of course, Matt says he never spoke with Shayne about the subject.
We never discussed this. I never said it was cool to just keep it. If she said we spoke about it, she just made it up. Sometimes she thinks she can say anything and I’ll go along with it.
It wasn’t a ‘gift’ so much. It’s not a television or a handbag. It’s a symbol of marriage that didn’t happen. … Let’s have something good come out of this. Why hold onto it? What’s the point?
Matt wants to auction off the ring, valued at $65,000, and give the proceeds to charity. This, of course, will never happen, because then the spotlight would no longer be on Shayne, and we can't have that, can we?
Flavor Flav is a lot of things, chief among them being hopeless romantic. The reality show veteran finally found "love" with the mother of his youngest child, Karma, and we're sure this is the real thing this time — after hearing him describe their first encounter, how could it not be true love?
When I first seen her, you know, the beauty. You know what I'm saying? I'm in Vegas, coming from New York, everything. And the way that she looked, you know what I'm saying. I looked up at her eyes. She had the prettiest eyes, man. And I'm a guy that always wanted to one day have a nice, fine woman to settle down with and have a family with, so I looked in her eyes — and her eyes was green at the time.
I can only hope that one day a man will say those words to me.
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Good news, everyone! The fairytale romance between Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake, the winner of Rock of Love 2, has come to an end, thus opening the window of opportunity for the leftover STD-ridden famewhores who have yet to be picked for a reality dating show.
So what went wrong after Bret "tried twice to find love by filling a mansion with gorgeous women and having them compete for his heart" (according to the press release)? Well, for starters, Bret admits that "there's no time for a relationship." Oh, well that explains it! Now can we pack it up and call it a day?
Evidently not, because a third season — Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels — is coming to assault your television sets next year, and this time the girls will be stuck on a bus for 30 days. Challenges will revolve around Bret's life on the road: "Whether it’s greeting aggressive groupies with a smile, enduring grueling schedules, dodging the advances of the warm-up band or even stepping in last-minute to fill in for delinquent roadies – these girls will be put to the test."
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why my grandma should invest in a Tivo.
What do you do when you've found true love on national television and you want the world to continue paying attention? Well, according to The Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas, you drag your new fiance to a taping of America's Best Dance Crew and pose with Randy Jackson. Then you create a Web site so all your adoring fans can continue to stalk you and then you plan your wedding just in time for May sweeps so ABC can film it. Ah, young famewhore love.
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