Aaron Carter has parlayed his recent marijuana possession charges into newfound fame: Nick’s younger and somehow uglier brother will be joining the next season of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab.
Also joining him will be Heidi Fleiss, Hollywood madam extraordinaire, and former Skid Row front-man Sebastian Bach, who seems to be making the D-list reality show rounds (see also: MTV’s Celebrity Rap Superstar).
Aaron was only caught with weed, correct? Is that seriously grounds for rehab? Surely there are enough celebrity addicts out there better than Hilary and Lindsay’s ex-love puppy. Unless it’s some sort of d-bag rehab, in which case we’re on board.
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SWEAR IT OFF! SWEAR IT OFF! SWEAR IT OFF! “… VH1 is greenlighting a reality series in which eight male teen idols from the 1980s and ’90s shack up together and reflect on the highs and lows of heartthrobbery. After receiving mentoring from a life coach and industry experts, each one decides whether to attempt a career comeback or to swear off Hollywood for good.”
Three Florida universities recently barred from their campuses Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk, when the pop singer/blond asked if she could visit the schools and consider matriculating. It’s what’s called nipping it in the bud.
… Hogan was denied admission to three state universities this week before touring Florida Atlantic University’s campus Tuesday.
But it wasn’t her grades that were keeping her out of the schools. It was her nine-camera entourage filming for a VH1 television show.
…
FAU administrators haven’t decided whether Hogan will be allowed to film on campus if she applies and is accepted as a student.
The Hogan saga continues this week with a lawsuit filed against 3/4 of the clan. The family of John Graziano, the passenger in Nick Hogan’s vehicle on that fateful August day when he wrecked his car in a street race, filed a suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick, alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the crash.
In the suit, [Graziano's court-appointed guardian Peter] Musante alleges that Nick negligently operated his Toyota Supra by racing another man in a Dodge Viper, a car also owned by Hulk. The suit claims the Bolleas were aware of Nick’s need for speed and knew that he had souped-up his vehicle for the purpose of racing.
Musante also says Hulk purchased alcohol the day of the accident — August 26 — and that Hulk ‘knew or should have known’ Nick was driving under the influence of the crash and he failed to take appropriate action.
The Hogans are also responsible for Brooke’s music career. Can we hold them liable for that, too? Better yet, let’s do another series of Hogan Knows Best, but this time it’s in a remote location and there’s no cameras. And also, there’s an explosive of some sort.
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Jeff Conaway is mostly famous for starring in Grease and Taxi — oh yeah, and for having a terrible drug habit.
The good news is, he’s recovered: And not by going on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Surprising, right? If a reality show can’t cure you, what can?
His answer: Scientology.
Jeff said he was introduced to the religion by former co-star John Travolta: “He couldn’t watch me going down the tubes.” Also: He couldn’t have found a more vulnerable person to brainwash.
“My doctor was like, ‘Holy cow.’ He says, ‘Whatever you’ve been doing keep doing it because it’s really working.’”
Is someone going to explain to Jeff that Tom Cruise is not a certified doctor or should we?
[Source]
Prepare to disinfect your television sets: Paris Hilton is returning to the small screen with a new reality series. The premise is groundbreaking:
The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend. Paris is tired of the haters and she’s looking for someone new. She’s looking for someone new and cool who she can trust.
We know you’re all wondering what network will be lucky enough to score the show, and the answer is MTV or VH1. Because they’ll show anything.
But more importantly: Why does her mouthpiece insist on talking like a 13-year-old?
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For all the brave souls that watch Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels, ohnotheydidn’t is claiming they know who the final two are:
My boyfriend’s friend was a sound guy on Rock of Love 2 and being the amazing bf that he is introduced us at a party so I could ask him who won. After a few drinks, he told me the final two were.
(No, it’s not Frenchie — we just meez her, zu know?)
Spoiler after the jump.
• Swedish national socialists attack “degenerate” art. Now, modern art is a trick, but fascists always go overboard. [Queerty]
• VH1 to keep open misogyny factory. [DListed]
• America Ferrera wins Hispanic Woman of the Year, despite Perez Hilton’s best efforts. [PS]
• Sienna Miller’s depilatory procedures belie her hippie-ness. (NSFW) [HT]
• “Heap on the punishment in great waves,” sayeth the judge. [INO]
• Scarlett Johansson (forgot about her) on being Woody Allen’s “muse.” [ICYDK]
• Lohan done with Hollywood. Good, but don’t come to New York. It’s…uh…all burned down. [Yeeeah]
• Pay to party in the clothes of celebrities! It’ll make dry humping on the dance floor even more pathetic. [CityRag]
At VH1’s Hip Hop Honors last night, the station took time out of its busy minstrel schedule to offer black artists of all ages a forum in which award one another. An early founder of gangster rap, Ice-T, seen here with his main bitch, was in attendance, and he had a choice response to a question regarding the kind of imprint he’d like to leave behind:
When I die, I want people to say, “Ice T was a motherfucker.”
We assume that won’t be a problem, Ice. And please allow us to say your progressive views on interracial relationships are something to be admired.
Well, look man. I’m too light skinned to ever say anything about white people. Plus, I’m not that kind of cat, you know. I’m just looking for somebody that can understand what I’m saying. If a Martian landed and she was talking the right drama, then I’d be sleeping with a green woman right now. Ya feel me?
Indeed we do.
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In case you missed the comments regarding this post on VH1’s waste of life of the moment, I’ve done you a favor and posted the best one here. It’s authored by an ambitious upstart named james09, and I doubt I’m incorrect in saying he hopes you’ll enjoy it.
Every great person has a horde of ‘douche bags’ who are jealous and make up shit about him.
‘The taller poppies are the ones to get cut.’
(Sumthin like that.)
Anyway Mystery is fuckin awesum and has more balls than all of you people put together. Because of this fact he is smooth and leads a great life, and makes people like you who no f all about him to be jealous of him.
Your just small minded.
It disrespects women. You dont know what your talking about. Stop complaining bitches.
Touché, worthy opponent!
Look to the video above to underscore james09’s point. Taken from the blog of so-called “great person” Mystery (née Erik James Horvat-Markovic), the video highlights his “fuckin awesum” handiwork, which appears to be traveling to nightclubs around the world and kissing unattractive women. It’s astonishing. Personally, I’ve not seen such a “great life” since I thumbed through a stack of embarrassing photos from South Beach. I’m glad I have james09 to reassure me that Spring Break ‘02 was as good as it gets. I had worried as much. Poppy ready to be ripped out by the roots, here.
Rarely do I miss having cable television. Every time I fly JetBlue and see that MTV has devolved into a trendy succession of shouting matches, I’m reminded of exactly why I don’t mind not being able to see it at will. And though Shark Week and Planet Earth are tough to go without, the advent of DVDs and YouTube have softened that blow. However, occasionally a show will come along that makes me seriously reconsider my decision to not have cable, even if only for the duration of its season. The Pick Up Artist might very well be my biggest no-cable regret ever, as not being able to fully immerse myself in its atrocious filth makes me feel as if I might be missing out on a cultural flashpoint. This VH1 piece of magical condescension intends to take a dozen or so kind and decent men and turn them into obnoxious “playas,” all with the help of a fuzzy-hatted, ponytailed dipshit named—no way!—”Mystery.” (You read that correctly.) With the aid of two former students, J-Dog and Matador, Mystery promises to groom and coach the lovable losers into dashing lady-killers. According to the clip above, this means getting them out of their old clothes, waxing their eyebrows and convincing them that the men they were before Mystery was meaningless. Oh, and crushed velvet, lots of crushed velvet.
VH1 airs episode one of the program again this evening. While my favorite line thus far (”I’ll personally be embarrassed if you guys don’t start making out with girls!”) doesn’t look to be part of tonight’s episode, be sure to tune in and listen closely, as I’m sure every episode is a fertile valley from which to harvest quotes to make fun of douchebags.
PS Fuck Mystery, J-Dog and Matador. Any woman who would “really connect” with a guy in airplane goggles who calls himself a noun/adjective isn’t a woman worth learning how to pick up. I just wish the poor bastards populating the contestant pool had been found by a smidgen of confidence before being hunted by greedy producers.
Another great (awful?) clip after the jump, including these words of wisdom, courtesy of Matador, “A lot of these guys look like they have a very nice-guy-type life, we need to rip that out and we need to revamp it.” (Just typing that made me angrier than I’ve been in quite some time.)
According to Perez Hilton, who appeared on The View today, he always tries to “push the envelope” when it comes to his hardly funny yet highly trafficked content. Perhaps that radical style is what allowed the celebrity/blogger/celebrity blogger(?) to also reveal that he’s going to be getting his own reality show on VH1. Can you hardly wait? Now you’ll be able to watch him draw “Do me in da butt” on pictures of black people as it happens. Cheers, blog-rade.
[Source]
Scott Baio has officially succumbed to the dignity-raper that is VH1. Look for him in the upcoming reality show 45…and Single. If the title alone isn’t enough to make you embarrassed for someone you’ve never even met, here’s how the network describes the show:
…staring down the barrel of middle age, Scott has come to the end of his philandering rope. At 45, he finds himself at a mid-life crisis of mythic proportions, wondering why he’s still single, alone and still unable to settle down and commit to a substantial, meaningful relationship.
Jennifer “Toastee” Toof, whose early career in pornography led to her dismissal from VH1’s Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, is now looking forward to the release of her Vivid video, Toastee Exposed.
…Vivid Entertainment is ready to release a 40-minute tape in which Toastee appears to give pleasure to an unidentified man. Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch hails Toastee as a “talented contortionist” whose “enthusiasm for sex is obvious.” Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who brokered the deal, tells us: “She may not have made the grade on VH1’s ‘Charm School,’ but she gets straight A’s on this tape.”
• This is different. [Jossip]
• I Love New York makes me think that the Klan are producing programming for VH1. [DListed]
• Cam’ron a li’l sorry for saying he wouldn’t tell on a mass murderer because of the code of the streets. What’s to apologize for, you fucking idiot? [SH]
• I think Justin’s wax figure might be handsomer than JT himself. Seriously. [PopSugar]
• Lindsay in Nylon in what look to be very uncomfortable fabrics. [HT]
• Keira Knightly looking slender. [ICYDK]
• Max Snow escorts Mary-Kate down the stairs like the lady that she is. [INO]
• Josh Harnett gets a BJ, Lower East Side bathroom style. [DListed]
• Perhaps Kate Hudson’s being bitchy because she finally saw You, Me and Dupree. [Us]
• Beyonce’s mom will dress the NY Nets dancers. Expect lots of formal shorts. [A Socialite's Life]
• I Love New York is on, bitches. I hope you treasure her vagina as much as she does. [CityRag]
• Brad Pitt just flew into Palm Springs and boy were his arms tired. [PopSugar]
Season Two of Flavor Flav’s search for love reality show Flavor Of Love is almost upon us. Last season’s bitches were completely crazy and, if this video is any indication, it looks like the producers put some time into finding an even more explosive group for the second season.
New York from Season One should probably win, though. She inexplicably actually seemed pretty into Flav, and is probably still just sitting at home in NY cutting herself and crying over losing the 40-someting man in a child’s body.
And what next, Lindsay? Did you buy it?!? Did you wear it?!? WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE SHIRT? I’m on the edge of my god damn seat here, people. I’m not sure I can wait until July 5th to see the end of this harrowing tale of shopping. The suspense is KILLING ME. I don’t even care who Platinum Weird is, I want to know more about this T-Shirt that may, or may not, have touched the Lohan.
Editor
