• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]

• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]

• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]

• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]

• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]

• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]

• Can you sense the Fashion Week excitement? [ICYDK]

• Ruh roh: Alec Baldwin takes on the Scientologists. This is not going to end well. [INO]

• There's a reason Hef's bunnies are blonde. [HT]

• Things went horribly wrong at an Oasis concert, of all places. [DListed]

• Doing the impossible: Finding the 10 best moments of last night's VMAs. [Yeeeah]

• Both Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt showed up for the Toronto Film Festival. Everyone survived. [PS]

Were it just one of the three – the massive coat, the thin hair or the "hungry pixie" frame – Winona Ryder would probably look fine. But the trio in conjunction with one another make her look like a cat lady so enamored with her animals she's taken to dining on Fancy Feast from stemware with them.

CONTINUED »

And right after Redbook's unfortunate stance on the liberal use of Photoshop was exposed, we have this Vogue coverWinona Ryder, which looks almost Kinkade-ian with its Vaseline-lensed glow. The hell with yoga. The real secret to "Skintight Dresses at 50" is a highly caffeinated graphic designer.

Winona looking real, pretty and slightly similar to Anne Hathaway, after the jump.

CONTINUED »

After weeks of railing against bullshit ideals of perfection, being so dogmatic about the importance of being comfortable in your own skin and mocking materialism, it's really tough for me to say this; but occasionally—very occasionally—losing some weight, getting contact lenses, cutting your hair and wearing an expensive tuxedo is such a good idea it makes people go, "Wi-who-na?" because you look damn near perfect.

[Source]

• They should have sent home the Russian bride last night. [DS]

• Go leave Britney a note on her site and tell her to get that wig off her head! [DListed]

• More info on the Grey's spinoff. It's about a sexy gynecologist, and it just gave jocks everywhere their Halloween costume idea. [Jossip]

• Winona's alive and…she's alive. [SNO]

• Uh oh! It's Willie Horton in couture. [ASL]

• Now that she's decimated her brain and figure, Britney's going after her tooth enamel. [INO]

• Forrest Gump 2? Forrest falls ass backwards into a limb regeneration process. Lt. Dan finally able to dance again. Tears. [CN]

• Federline's throat slashed for some artsy pics. Uh oh! He's working with artists who consider him misunderstood. Did somebody say comeback? [PITNB]

• Beyonce's dancers need to unionize. Somebody teach them about Hoffa. [IDLYITW]

• Oksana Baiul looking like Chernobyl. Get it? Disaster.[IBBB]

• Justin was crying because he was so stoned. I thought you just got hungry, not weepy. [PopSugar]

• Everyone's going crazy about Jessica's brown hair. Cool it. It's just hair.[Egotastic]

• If you're ugly, get Photoshop. [TG]

• Eva Longoria's bummed she has to pay for stuff. Next time, ask Winona how it's done. [HR]

It's the first day of the Sundance Film Festival and the photos breaking from the event make it look like a cold and bland assortment of actors with nothing better to do. So far we've got Wilmer Valderamma, James Van Der Beek, Bai Ling, John Malkovich and Winona Ryder. Weird, right? I just reread that list and I crinkled my nose up like, "What the fuck? Bai Ling dancing? Where's Julia Roberts in a parka? Where's Maddox making snow angels? And what the fuck does Bai Ling do, anyway?"

I'm assuming major players arrive fashionably late, and I wish these pictures were better/funnier/famous-er, but they're not.

• There is no discernable reason why you shuld be able to see Bai Ling's crotch from the front while she is just wearing a jean skirt. [Splash]

• Christina wants to work with Bjork, the two of whose combined weight is probably 140 lbs. [OAN]

• …Which is about a trillion times better than working more with Paris' lapdog Scott Storch, with whom Xtina is in a full-on fued. [A Socialite's Life]

• Maybe Jennifer Garner didn't collapse from the heat after all. [Glitterati]

• The men in Britney's life: Always a class act. [People]

• Keanu Reeves better be careful that Winona Ryder doesn't shoplift his heart. [IDLYITW]

• An arrest made in the JonBenet Ramsey case?!? Or, not. [DListed]

• Jennifer Aniston and Kate Hudson are fast friends following Kate's break up. This wouldn't be because of Owen and Vince now, would it ladies? [Faded Youth]

• Is it bad that I didn't really realize Gwyneth Paltrow had left acting? [Jossip]

• Dina Lohan is such a wonderful role model, and Lindsay loves herself the Jackie D's. [Perez]