Kevin Federline finally got himself a companion. I mean, Britney is busy caring for his 'baby' or whatever, so he may as well get a new time consuming animal to care for. She seems like she's doing a good job raising Sean Preston all by herself, right? He can focus on this dog, and I'm sure that Kevin will devote all the necessary time and energy needed to make sure that this pitt bull is a sweet and loving doggie, not aggressive or unsafe for children in any way. I mean, why would a man with three small kids and one on the way want a dangerous dog?
I guess we'll just have to wait and see how this newest living Spears acquisition goes.
While Kevin is disregarding leash laws, Britney is off throwing her nude baby all over Victoria's Secret stores. Well, at least according to US Weekly:
No changing table? No problem. One June 4, Britney Spears, 24, with 9-month-old son Sean in tow, picked up pink thongs at a Victoria???s Secret in Mission Viejo, California. Her next order of, uh, business? Changing Sean???s dirty diaper ??? on the floor next to the cash register! Says the source, ???Britney then tried to hand it to an employee,??? but the salesperson wouldn???t take it.
I don't know anything about diaper etiquette, but it seems like the store workers should have at least ushered her into a dressing room. Fuck, at least she knows how to change the damn thing's diaper, which is more than I assume to be true for some Hollywood moms.
• Britney and Kevin, perhaps you should master the dependent being you have before getting any new ones?
• You could be Britney Spears' neighbor (all you need is a few million and a love for chaos)
• Kevin Federline touches his own child, looks thrilled about it
• And by 'country' Britney means 'uneducated on how not to endanger your baby'
Well, there goes the neighborhood. Britney Spears' neighbor Mel Gibson, probably one of the bigger crazies in Hollywood, thinks that the situation has gotten out of hand with his gated-community-sharing young couple. Apparently the Feder-Spears are disruptive--though I didn't realize that negligent parenting was especially loud (groan). Hollywood.com has the story:
The Passion of the Christ star lives next door to Spears in a gated community and has put his $18 million mansion on the market to get away from the beleaguered pop star.
The ???Toxic??? singer has been visited by police and family services this year, and also has a steady stream of fans and paparazzi following her every move.
A source tells Australian newspaper the Sydney Daily Telegraph, "People are always hanging around outside the gates and he is worried his kids might get hurt."
The move is also putting Mel closer to the $3 million Caholic church he recently built in Los Angeles. Fortunately, there won't be any awkward run-ins at the church, since we all know that Britney's baby is her religion.
Britney's sick of her husband being picked on, ya'll. In an effort to combat rumors about her impending divorce (which, for the record, I still think is on the horizon) Britney Spears forced Kevin Federline to go out on a walk with their son, Sean Preston over the weekend.
As I mentioned here earlier, this weekend she also accosted Matt Lauer and made him sit awkwardly as she cried and blubbered about how "awesome" her marriage is.
Despite the fact that they went out on this walk in order to be photographed, it was still not occassion enough to merit a shower, or any semblance of personal hygiene for the couple. Oh, and it certainly was not a situation in which Britney felt any urge to wear a bra. Keep it classy, Spears-Federlines.
The interview doesn't air until Thursday's Today Show, but she took the opportunity to clear the air on some of her most recent gossip-rag fodder:
Britney Spears says her marriage to Kevin Federline is "awesome," and scrutiny from the paparazzi has made her an "emotional wreck."
Say what you want, Britney, but Nick and Jessica were singing their own praises up until the day they split. This "awsome" nonsense is clearly just that.
The paparazzi have "crossed the line a little bit" by showing her in private moments, she added. She also defended her parenting skills, saying, "I know I'm a good mom."
She drew criticism earlier this year when she was photographed with her infant son, Sean, sitting on her lap as she drove. She cautions against judging her.
"I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive," the Louisiana native said. "We're country."
Yes, I'm sure someday Sean Preston will look back on his first driving lesson with that same attitude. Also, way to throw out this "we're country" bullshit. That's an insult to non-metropolitan dwelling people everywhere. There's no need for her to bring an entire geographical designation into her special Britney Spears brand of mess.
It's not just about having babies anymore (what fun is that, what with the pain and the mess and the crying)--it's about being pregnant. As if you needed me to tell you, pregs is all the rage in Hollywood these days. Its the best way to deter rumors that your man is gay, the best way to have an excuse for getting fat, and the best way to ensure some positve press, at least until you start fucking up the kid.
It's not even just about being pregnant, though, its about how you're pregnant. The NY Times tackled this pressing issue in today's Style Section:
JENNIFER KOLITCH, a mother of four in New York, recalls with clarity a defining moment during her latest pregnancy last year. "I was having a very good hair day, wearing my Seven jeans and a black tank top with a black knit shrug and little black ballerina flats," she said. "I was shopping for a pair of sunglasses, and the saleswoman came up to me and said, 'Oh, you are so Angelina Jolie-pregnant.'
"It made my day," she recalled.
Jolie-pregant or Heidi Klum-pregnant is one thing, but imagine the horror being called Katie Homes-pregnant, or, gasp, Britney Spears-pregnant. That's enough to make a sane woman wish her unborn child never even existed.
Sean Preston is fat and angry, or at the very least chubs and surly, these days. I'm not going to assume it's because Britney Spears looks like she is about to let him slip out of her arms. Wll...not...judge...very...hard...
Me thinks Britney's smug expression at the gym today might mean she's got something (deeee-vorce) up her sleeve. That, or she thinks we're all chumps, because there's no way she's so smiley over a solid jog on the treadmill. Only an asshole smiles on the treadmill for no reason.
According to US Weekly's handy time piece, Britney has been Federline clear for 74 days. Of course the symptoms may flare up at any time, so it's best not to get hopes up or, god forbid, resume fantasies about the old Britney. She's not out of the woods yet.
??? Pamela Anderson was inducted into a Hall of Fame and shockingly it had nothing to do with plastic surgery success. [Hollywood Tuna]
??? Star Jones is the only woman to look more terrifying when holding a tiny fluffy white puppy. [DListed]
??? The Simple Life premiered last night, and though there is no word yet as to how the show fared, I assume it made at least half of the viewer's eyes bleed. [Celebitchy]
??? Sanda Bullock is still a little embarrassed over the shame that was Speed 2, while Keanu Reeves applauds himself on his brilliant career choices post Bill and Ted's. [JustJared]
??? Britney Spears is supposedly signing divorce papers. Hopefully Kevin Federline is keeping up with the gossip rags so he knows the state of his own marriage, or lack thereof. [Egotastic]
??? Congratulations to PopSugar on her baby, now Shiloh has someone to play with as they grow up. [PopSugar]
This weekend marked the biggest event of the year (if you live for MTV Award shows, which you may, no judgment), the weekend of the MTV VMAs. MollyGood won't ruin the results (hint: they're already on the MTV website, hint #2: the people who won the awards were the ones who attended the show).
On a whole, people didn't dress like complete assholes, with the obvious exception of Kate Beckinsale. And Jessica Alba's head didn't explode from having to read and occasionally string together original sentences for an entire evening. It's a VMA miracle.
There will be more pictures, of course.
The unannounced winner for Best Backhanded Compliment of the Evening went to Christina Aguilera, for her stunning assessment of Britney Spears according to E!:
"It's a shame Britney doesn't go to any shows or awards anymore, because they are so much fun, even if you're not nominated for things, I miss seeing how hot she looked on red carpets and seeing her at awards and shows was the only times we really had time to catch up with each other because we're both so busy".
This should be read as, Sorry your life sucks, Bitch. Looks like you got the short end of the life stick. I look hotter than you used to, and now you're just a cow. I feel sorry for you, your husband, and your spawn. Size 26 misses you!
Stay tuned for MollyGood exclusive photos from the event. VMAtastic Monday has just begun.
Good Call, Britney Spears. If you're really going through with this divorce from Kevin Federline, spend as much of your money as you possibly can now (eg, the spiffy new car you are trying out in these pictures) so that you can keep your cash out of his grubby little paws. Buy away Brit-Brit, and don't worry about making it back; clinically depressed young women and gay men who have been slitting their wrists since you met Kevin will buy your album by the boatload if you ever get rid of him and come out with another one.
I suppose it's a bit mean to hope that Federline ends up with nothing other than the clothes he came into the relationship with (I'm picturing it like leaving prison, a brown paper bag with your original outfit all nice and folded) considering he has two other children to pay child support on. But, I'm an asshole, so, yup, no checks for you. I'm no lawyer, but watching Kevin's fall from financial grace should be awesome.
The National Ledger has the story of Britney's secret meetings with her divorce lawyer:
Britney Spears is sitting down with her divorce lawyers and preparing for life without Kevin Federline, Star Magazine will report this week. The former pop star is reportedly no longer even on speaking terms with her husband and the two communicate through their body guards.
The details of their oft discussed prenup will soon come to light, but here is one hilariously juicy tidbit:
Star will also reveal that the mag has learned that after Kevin and Britney were married in 2004, he managed to convince her to revise her original prenup offer. The 60-page contract in which Britney originally paid Kevin a $500/week salary as a ???production assistant??? was eventually rewritten by Mr. Britney Spears???s lawyers.
Sources tell the magazine all of his demands were eventually agreed to ??? thus insuring Kevin a bigger slice of his wife???s pie.
Way to keep your dignity by signing a prenup where you were paid to be your wife's 'production assistant', brah. I don't want to say anything, but that sounds like an entry level position.
I know that Britney Spears has been looking rough for the past year and a half or so, but saying that she's going to look like Anna Nicole Smith in 20 years? That's a bit rough, US Weekly. Trimspa execs are probably looking at this and licking their lips with anticipation.
US made some other celebrity fast forward predictions, ranging from the obvious (Benjamin McKenzie into Russell Crowe, Dakota Fanning into Jodie Foster) to the incredibly insulting for one party (see above and to the side). Come to think of it Paris Hilton into Donatella Versace is mutually insulting.
I mean, Paris hasn???t yet opened that scalpel can of surgery worms. And Donatella didn???t spend all that time and money creating her masterpiece of Botox, plastic, and characteristics that give all children nightmares just to have some two-bit socialite jack her steez in a few years time.
Hey, good news for Sophia Loren, at this rate Nicole Ritchie's not going to be around 20 more years to see if this depressing prophecy comes true.
??? Uma Thurman may look like a clown, but she would happily beat the shit out of you for laughing at her. [CityRag]
??? Happy 2nd Birthday, Pink Is The New Blog! We all hope Britney brushes her hair just for you today. [PITNB]
??? Grab your ???Namibia is for Lovers??? shirt before Brad and Angelina buy ???em out to give to all their friends. [Goldenfiddle]
??? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have asked Katherine McPhee to sing at their wedding. Katie hopes that the old look alike switcheroo may be her only chance of escape. [BWE]
??? We may have jumped the gun on that Reese Witherspoon pregnancy announcement. Oops. [JustJared]
??? I???m guessing it???s all fart jokes and facial contortions over at the Carrey-McCarthy household. [A Socialite???s Life]
??? Scarlett Johansson is hard to spell, but for me the tricky ones are always the Gyllenhaals. [PopWatch]
??? OMG!!! You can kind of vaguely see post-birth Gwen Stefani through this car window. [HollywoodRag]
??? So is Emma Watson just constantly drunk these days, or what? [Yeeeah]
??? Kevin Federline may be the sorce of leaked stories about Britney. Hey, something's gotta support his pot habit. [JustJared]
??? Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake has waited just long enough to properly remind us how much better he fared in the Britney break-up. [PopSugar]
??? Watch out, the Anna Nicole Smith spawn may still be coming. Expect post-pregnancy Trimspa, Baby. [The Superficial]
??? Elizabeth Taylor may not be sick, but she is bat shit insane. [DListed]
??? Britney Spears pauses for a moment, imagines Kevin Federline's ass kicked to the curb, smiles. [PopSugar]
??? Jennifer Lopez is now hanging out with Leah Remini? Remember when J-Lo was A List? How the mighty have fallen. [Bombasticluva]
??? Denise Richards has baggage. A lot of baggage. [PITNB]
??? Gotta love a good herpes heavy conspiracy theory as to why all Hollywood moms have C-Sections. [WWTDD]
??? Tori Spelling is knocked up. There had to be a reason for that shotgun wedding. [Teddy & Moo]
??? Paris may have had better seats than Lindsay Lohan at a Madonna show, but whose seats were closer to the bathroom? [Faded Youth]
Maybe part of the reason Britney Spears' marriage to Kevin Federline may actually be coming to an end is because she is sick of being portrayed like this? Just a thought. This cartoon from MTV2's new show Where My Dogs At isn't the most flattering caricature of what the pop princess has become.
It's been a long time since the couple was pictured together, and rumors have been swirling basically since the birth of their first child that Britney and Kevin are on the fast track to the big D. For the first time Britney's rep refused to deny that things are rocky, to say the least, between Britney and Kevin:
For weeks they've been leading separate lives. Now their relationship is so strained that Britney - who is pregnant with their second child - has banished 28-year-old Federline to a self-contained "bachelor" flat in the basement of their Californian mansion.
Britney saw red after returning from New York this week to find her layabout hubby lounging around, drinking and smoking dope.
The 24-year-old pop star is said to hate seeing Kev's slacker mates near their eight-month old son, Sean Preston, and has now decided she doesn't want him around her either.
Ominously, her spokesman refused to deny claims yesterday that she thinks her second marriage is over and wants a divorce. Even though the princess of pop is worth more than ??65million, getting rid of Kevin may cost her as little as ??190,000 and a half share of their Malibu home because of a canny prenuptial agreement.
(Silly Brits and their slang, "canny prenuptial agreement".)
Maybe I was wrong about the meaning of Britney's cryptic poetry. Maybe there is light at the end of this Cheeto and Red Bull infested tunnel. Maybe after popping out spawn pt. two, Britney will hit the gym and get back in fighting shape. Maybe Britney will publicly disown the pock on society that is Kevin Federline, thereby damning him to a life of wandering the streets until getting thrown in jail for inappropriately touching a woman???s ???PopoZao???. Fine, that last one is pushing it a bit, but a girl can dream
??? Britney Spears??? wax figure wins the least realistic, but I suppose if they made one of her now it might deter tourists rather than attract them. [DListed]
??? When stick figures attack: Kate Moss kicks a paparazzi. [Egotastic]
??? Beyonce realizes that she is a million times hotter than Jay-Z, tells him to lose weight. Jay-Z realizes he???s about a million times cooler than B, tells her to shut up. [A Socialite???s Life]
??? Happy 80th Birthday, Hugh Hefner! Viagra thanks you and hopes you have all the blonds you want on your special day. [CityRag]
??? Brittany Murphy still refuses to believe its not 2000 by releasing her track with Paul Oakenfold. [popbytes]
??? Steve-O is dying. It???s weird to actually feel bad for that crazy son of a bitch. [WWTDD]
Britney Spears is back in Malibu looking far more pregnant than I would have expected considering she just admitted to it a few weeks ago. I can't imagine that those enormously high heels are the most comfortable choice of shoes when pregs, but I would also assume that one would want to wear a bra when dealing with swelling breasts, so what do I know?
Although she is still looking pretty beat in these pictures, she did put on a dress and some make-up to get Starbucks with her supposed Manny. But there is no Sean Preson in sight. Interesting.
Much to everyone's delight, Britney Spears has returned her poem "Rememberance of Who I Am" to her website, complete with the hotter Brit 'fuck you' picture. The poem is now dedicated "for everyone who thinks they know me." Despite what others have said, I'm yet to be convinced that it is a poem about Kevin Federline rather than the gossip media/paparazzi. Here are some excerpts, you decide:
No more chains
That you gave me.
Enough of pain
Now I'm craving
Something sweet, so delight
How do you stand sleeping at night?
And the most questionable section:
You come to me now
Why do you bother?
Remember the Bible
The sins of the Father.
What you do
You pass down.
No wonder why
I lost my crown.
Eh, well, it would be awesome if this marked a possible farewell to Mr. Kevin Federline. Check out the rest of her masterpiece at BritneySpears.com. I never liked Britney Spears much, but now looking back at the "Toxic" video gets me a little nostalgic.
Aww, look Britney Spears, you're not the only bad mother in Hollywood. Kate Hudson is demonstrating that her son Ryder's well-being is not nearly as important as maintaining her slim figure through a healthy cigarette addiction. At least they're American Sprits, free of all those nasty chemicals, only that tobacco goodness. These photos were taken in New York on the set of You, Me, and Dupree a romantic comedy starring Hudson, Michael Douglass and Owen Wilson.
Since Britney Spears is in New York right now too, perhaps the young mothers should get together at a bar or something, toss their sons in the corner, and dish about their deadbeat (Kevin Federline by trade, Chris Robinson by looks) husbands and how hard it is to be a mom and constantly have to worry about taking care of this thing.
Aww, Britney, we all know that you didn't mean to trip and almost drop Sean Preston on his malleable little head. Don't be so sad. This video almost breaks my heart of coal. Hell, babies are resilient little buggers. I'm sure he would have been fine even if he had fallen. What I can't quite get over is what you are wearing. When everyone yelled at you to put on a god damn bra, they didn't necessarily mean while wearing a backless shirt. In your pregnant and uber-breasted state perhaps you should stay away from the backless shirts alltogether. So, the black bra and white halter have got to go. Oh, and they make low-rise thongs these days for the express purpose of pairing with your low-riding jeans. A brilliant way to avoid looking like a cheap stripper!