— Fri, Feb 23, 2007 —

Turns out that Cheesy Bites enthusiast, Jessica Simpson, is actually allergic to pizza. In fact, it makes her bleed internally:

Jessica Simpson, spokesperson for Pizza Hut and star of their commercials, told Elle magazine:
There was that internal bleeding discovered last year around the time she was filming Employee of the Month; doctors found the presence of the little bugger thought to cause ulcers. Recently, Simpson tells me, after she was still feeling not quite right, an allergist delivered news that would chill the heart of anyone reared on Texan cuisine: She's allergic to cheese. And wheat. Oh, and tomatoes...

There's the faith Pizza Hut's advertisers have in the American people. They hire a spokesperson who literally gets sick from eating their product just because they know people will be too busy noticing her breasts to realize that there's blood in her stool.

Next up, Stephen Hawking for Nike.


Read More: Jessica Simpson

Looking to comment? Scroll here.


No. 1
post rater says:


February 23, 2007 4:34 PM
No. 2
Thread rater says:

Jessica is the most beautiful woman ever. Seriously.

...Carry on.

February 23, 2007 4:41 PM
No. 3
k8 says:

She must have Type A bloodtype. Those are pretty common allergies for type A's.

February 23, 2007 4:42 PM
No. 4
Christopher says:

This is uncanny. Me and my honey Jessica have the exact same allergies, and the exact same symptoms. We were meant to be together, this is a sign.

February 23, 2007 4:47 PM
No. 5
maria says:

has anyone tried these pizza bites?

Which reminds me...

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

February 23, 2007 4:49 PM
No. 6
Sam says:

She's allergic to cheese, huh?

So she must have to wear earplugs to John's concerts, right?


February 23, 2007 4:52 PM
No. 7
Cord says:

That's a nice zing.

February 23, 2007 5:00 PM
No. 8
Post rater says:

No. 5 & No. 6 both receive a ZERO.

...Carry on.

February 23, 2007 5:00 PM
No. 9
Alycia says:

I would die if I was allergic to cheese. Life would simply not be worth living.

(agreed #6 -- NICE zing! :))

February 23, 2007 5:28 PM
No. 10
Sam says:

Why, thank ya folks!

I'll be here all day - remember to tip your waiter.

February 23, 2007 5:43 PM
No. 11
No. 6's Zing was cheesey says:

Don't hate, appreciate.

February 23, 2007 5:54 PM
No. 12
kat says:

Good thing I don't eat Pizza Hut pizza!

February 23, 2007 6:11 PM
No. 13
Manessa Vinillo says:

I purposely avoid Pizza Hut because that skank is representing them. Thank God she is primarily relegated to selling her own crappy makeup and wigs, so that I don't have to boycott more good products.

February 23, 2007 10:47 PM
No. 14
lanaconga says:

it took her this long to find out??? what is her dad feeding her? his special "pene" pasta?

February 24, 2007 3:26 AM
No. 15
MR. T says:

This woman has no talent, looks like a man and stinks at singing and acting. She is the perfect spokesman for KFC in NYC.

February 24, 2007 8:26 AM
No. 16
audrey says:

I started boycotting Pizza Hut when Donald Trump and his first wife were doing commercials. And I freaking hate the Jessica Simpson song...these Bats. And the kids is like way young...just creepy and scary all round.

February 24, 2007 6:08 PM
No. 17
You jealous bitches... says:

Need to shut your damn mouths, Jessica is a very classy woman, everything you people say about her is a black lie. You're just jealous of her, you wish your pussy smelt as good as hers.

February 24, 2007 6:23 PM
No. 18
Cosmo says:

Uhh, No. 17...Your either disgusting and immature or just plain ignorant. I'm sure you love how classy she is being that your NOT at all..Grow up.

February 24, 2007 6:55 PM
No. 19
Fuck you says:

I will grow up when you grow a penis. Or breasts, depending on your gender.

February 24, 2007 7:17 PM
No. 20
Cosmo says:

My point very well made, thank you :) BTW, Why are you so obsessed with genitals?

February 24, 2007 8:18 PM
No. 21
go fuck yourself says:

You made my point as well, that you don't have a penis. Breasts aren't genitals, either. They are mammaries. Looks like I am smarter than you are.

February 24, 2007 8:40 PM
No. 22
Cosmo says:

Hmm, your No. 17 post mentioned female genitalia and your No. 19 post mentioned male genitalia. Who's smarter than who now? I'll be the grown up and end this now. Please ask your parents to teach you manners and stop posting non-sense. Kthanksbye :)

February 24, 2007 8:47 PM
No. 23
Holy Candy says:

My teeth be pretty big. I looks like Mr. Ed up in this mucka futher.

February 24, 2007 8:50 PM
No. 24
Holy Candy says:

I be looking like a man, too. I wish I was J-Ssca.

February 24, 2007 8:51 PM
No. 25
I would just like to point out... says:

That Mr. Smarty pants No. 18 used the improper form of "your". It should have been "you're". As in "You are either disguisting and immature..."
Cosmo sure is ignorant all right.

February 24, 2007 10:15 PM
No. 26
you know... says:

"My point well made..." That sounds very familiar.
You're the same asshole that accused me of being a racist for supporting my own people, among other things. Dude, you need to get a fucking life. You keep trying to disprove me in some way and make yourself look intelligent and fail everytime. This is becoming tiresome. You're really starting to piss me off with your bullshit. Nothing you ever say is factual. Stop bothering me, seriously.

February 24, 2007 11:03 PM

Post Your Comments

Note: It may take up to a minute for your comments submission to be processed. Please do not click "Post" more than once, or your comments may be duplicated.

Email This Post