— Wed, Jan 24, 2007 —

At the age of 90, Kirk Douglas is set to release a tell-all, sex filled memoir entitled, Let's Face It - 90 Years of Living, Loving and Learning. Within the pages are descriptions of a range of lascivious acts that make me long for the day I'm old enough to say and do whatever the hell I want. Here's him discussing how he lost his virginity to his English teacher at the age of 15:

By today's standards she would have gone to jail. I had no idea we were doing something wrong. Did she?

Yes, Kirk, she probably did. But those were the days, huh? Before all the party poopers were prosecuting and "To Catch a Predator"-ing statutory rapists.

I'm sure all the Kirk Douglas sexual escapades are good, but this is probably my favorite:

...the cleft-chinned Oscar-winning star of such pictures as "Spartacus" and "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral" recalls a fling with a "big, tall blond" German airline stewardess who liked to be disciplined in bed. During their enthusiastic sex sessions, "she would scream, 'I'm a Nazi!' - which was his cue to slap her, which he did, Douglas writes.

Ahhh, there's that "Old Hollywood Glamour" that stylists and idiots are always reminiscing about. It was so elegant, what with all the smoky eyes and cigarette holders and rough sex with German stewardesses who beg to be degraded. Classy!

PS If there's anything cuter than a 90-year-old man shooting down a yellow slide, I have yet to see it.


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No. 1
Other Karen says:

Is it wrong of me to find the stories amusing rather than scandalous? Times sure have changed.

January 24, 2007 11:45 AM
No. 2
yo mama says:

Does anyone else think that Kirk looks younger than Michael at this point?

January 24, 2007 11:47 AM
No. 3
tlatzoteotl says:

Aw, he is cute.

And no, Kirk, you didn't do anything wrong, and neither did she. Our society is completely fucked up...at 15, many cultures have boys go through their "manmaking" rituals. Girls are declared women once they have begun their menstrual cycle.

To top it all off, I have read scientific essays on how we are sexual beginning from the time we are toddlers. All that cuddling we do with our parents is just the beginning. It's not nasty - that's just religion trying to force fake morals on everybody.

January 24, 2007 11:53 AM
No. 4
Angela says:

Death pool anyone?

Antoninus: Are you afraid to die, Spartacus?
Spartacus: No more than I was to be born.

January 24, 2007 11:56 AM
No. 5
Rachel says:

Wonder if he included the bit about him raping 15 yr old Natalie Wood.

January 24, 2007 12:14 PM
No. 6
B says:

We really do revert back to our childhood when we get old, don't we? Kirk is playing on a slide, eating ice cream, and I am sure there is a pair of diapers in there somewhere. And yes, he is adorable. Somewhere a box full of puppies is sighing at having their "cutest in the world" title taken away.

January 24, 2007 12:37 PM
No. 7
B says:

My bad, it is mashed potatoes he is eating. Same difference... both require no chewing.

January 24, 2007 12:42 PM
No. 8
kat says:

When you get to be 90, you are lucky if you can still CHEW your food. I tend to agree with most posters here, let the old man have his fun and reminisce about the "good old SEXCAPADE" days. I worked with 15 year old boys for a couple of years, and let me tell you, Kirk's teacher must've been DESPERATE! EWWW!

January 24, 2007 1:05 PM
No. 9
tlatzoteotl says:

Oh, yuck. I didn't know about the Natalie Wood alleged rape. I would never defend a rapist. I have never had any special feeling for the guy, but now I wish I'd never sent that first post. Not that I don't think sexuality at age 15 isn't normal, but...I'll just stop now.

January 24, 2007 1:18 PM
No. 10
sherru says:

The best part of this is MOST people would slap a woman screaming I'M A NAZI at them.

January 24, 2007 2:10 PM
No. 11
observant alien says:

Gross. He put his mouth on the scoop he was serving with.

January 24, 2007 2:14 PM
No. 12
sara says:

I think the "good old days" were when we knew celebs were doing naughty stuff, but they actually kept their filthy mouths shut about it. Being a whore in old hollywood might get you a job, but it didn't get you a loving audience. Now all a ho has to do is spread her pantyless crotch for us and we come back begging for more, and buying anything we can get. Tragic.

January 24, 2007 2:43 PM
No. 13
kat says:

HMMM--Kirk Douglas RAPED young female starlets back in the day. That is COMPLETELY unacceptable behavior! No wonder Michael Douglas had that sex addiction thing going on--like FATHER/like SON! GROSS!

January 24, 2007 4:28 PM
No. 14
carla says:

Rachel are you sure it was kirk?

I actually read in natalees' biography that someone did rape natalee wood when she was young but its never been publicly announced who it was. I always for some reason believed it to be frank sinatra.

January 25, 2007 12:45 PM

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