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Madonna has formally lent her support to Hillary Clinton. With Madonna and Oprah splitting their approval, how will the gays know who to vote for?

We kid. See, we’re not mocking gays, as much as the sad truth that political endorsements from celebrities inform voting decisions.

[Queerty]

Dec 11, 2007 · Link · Respond

Doorman Suspended For Breathing, Exhaling Same Air As Richie UES Residents

• For the second time this year, building management suspends a doorman for having bad breath. Hey, the tenants aren’t paying Upper East Side prices to deal with lesser borough unpleasantness like halitosis.

• This round up of MTV’s Return To Fat Camp reminds us that overweight people without even the pretense of a healthy body image should never be subject to a reality TV series and the judgment of voyeuristic strangers. That said, boy are those porkers fat.

• At least the Knicks can get along at funerals. Which is fitting, seeing as their hopes for a playoff birth died back in preseason.

• The Botox school of method acting earns Nicole Kidman rave reviews. Meanwhile, Kidman herself had no immediately discernible reaction to the news

• With New York weather this weekend expected to stay in the 30s, we’re kind of jealous of this hairy male model.

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Dec 7, 2007 · Link · Respond

Mary-Kate Olsen Gives Us Way Too Much Info About What She Does When The Homeless-Lady Clothes Come Off

• Inappropriately aroused? Just try imagining Mary-Kate Olsen naked. Wearing nothing but jewelry. On a cold day.

• Madonna purchases a dick-in-a-box while her neutered husband looks on sheepishly.

• We’re sorry, Maria Menounos, did our pin get in the way of your ass? Do us a favor and lose five pounds IMMEDIATELY or get out of our building, like now! Get out!

Hills hanger-on Audrina Patridge defends her asshat of a boyfriend Justin Bobby, explaining he “had a hard time” with kissing her on camera. Fortunately, he had less of a hard time ditching her completely, leaving her stranded at Brody Jenner’s party and taking off with some other chick straddling his Harley.

• The Daily Mail has trouble discerning whether a tear-stricken Sharon Osbourne is crying over her talentless daughter or her pneumonia-stricken pooch.

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Sep 12, 2007 · Link · Respond



The Day That Fashion Cried

• It’s hard to determine who was the overall Worst Dressed at this year’s Video Music Awards, however Beyonce certainly gets an honorable mention for channeling Liberace’s Curtains.

• Meanwhile, for anyone who missed the opportunity to see an overweight and hopelessly out of shape Britney Spears jiggle her thighs very, very slowly in tune to her latest pop abortion, this photo montage pretty much captures the scene.

• Sharon Osbourne, on Madonna: “She annoys me. I’ve met her a few times and found her very cold and very rude. She’s annoyed me for years though, way before all the buying a baby thing.”

• After a year of shitshow benders, face-scratching and self-mutilation, Amy Winehouse is finally ready to procreate.

• A happily unmarried Angelina Jolie learns why falling in love is so hard on the knees.

• Oprah Winfrey raises $3 million for Barack Obama’s presidential campaign by partying like it’s Obama/Hillary ‘08.

Sep 10, 2007 · Link · Respond

Quicker Than A Ray Light, Madonna Adopts Her Second Malawi

• Madonna finds another Malawi “orphan” to rescue snatch away from the evil clutches of her biological parents.

• CBGB’s is dead. And now so is its founder.

• Owen Wilson is officially dropped from the upcoming “Frat Pack” comedy, Tropical Thunder, presumably because they don’t allow movie cameras into the suicide ward of Cedars-Sinai hospital.

• Tucker Carlson doesn’t hate gay people. He just likes beating them up in public restrooms.

• Facebook trounces Google 15-11 in a heated game of ultimate frisbee. “Huh,” murmured a stunned Google tosser. “So that’s what it feels like to come in second.”

Aug 29, 2007 · Link · Respond

‘F.A.T. Chance, Luckily, There???s Plenty Of [Mo’Nique] for Everybody’ Says The Ever Subtle NYT

• Mo’Nique is like Oprah twenty years ago: overweight and hellbent on world domination.

• If you ever find yourself laughing at a commercial, Slate is here to ruin it for you.

• Forget those old magazines with half of the pages stuck together. Now you can see those vintage Anna Nicole Smith crotch-shots on DVD!

Forbes did the math and found out that investing in Matt Damon is actually more profitable than anyone could have imagined.

• Nothing says “I love you” quite like a Brangelina postage stamp.

• At least Madonna’s illegally adopted African boy got a taste of the good life, for like, 5 seconds.

Aug 6, 2007 · Link · 1 Response


This Is What Happens When Stupid People Watch Punk’d

• Only someone as dumb as Kimberly Stewart could get away with justifying grand theft auto as a practical joke gone awry.

• Could Madonna’s support for Clinton help her win the nomination? Because it seemed to work really well four years ago with her endorsement of Wesley Clark. (Who??)

• In other Hillary news, who has time to worry about cleavage when they’re being harassed by a gay journo with an ax to grind?

• We already kinda suspected Jamba Juice was putting crack cocaine in their smoothies, but now that Amy Winehouse is drinking them in public, we’re sure of it.

• Don’t worry, Jess. Something about buying laundry detergent makes our nipples hard, too.

• Why Prince is still an inspiration for midget-sized transsexuals everywhere.

Aug 1, 2007 · Link · Respond

Jessica Simpson Has Tons Of Blond Ambition, Not Enough Acting Ability

• Is Jessica Simpson’s crappy new movie headed straight for DVD? “It???s just a bomb, mainly because of Jessica???s acting,” says Obvious Guy.

• “The only people who go swimming in long sleeve t-shirts are fat kids at summer camp and maybe albinos.” And, apparently, Madonna.

• Apparently Kate “Old rag” Moss didn’t respond well to Pete Doherty’s insult/apology in the Mirror yesterday.

Elizabeth Berkley in a bikini brings back fond memories of her character in Showgirls, saying “Thanks, I bought it at Ver-sayce.”

• Brad Pitt (not to be confused with Pulitzer prize-winning author, Rob Butler) is trying to make Angie go to rehab, but she won’t go, go, go.

Aug 1, 2007 · Link · Respond

• Madonna carries unnecessarily heavy handbag, treats onlookers to unwanted “gun show.”

• Not only was Lindsay Lohan arrested and thrown (temporarily) in the clink! She’s also dirt poor! How tacky.

• OMG, did anyone ever notice that Carrot Top and Fergie have the exact same face? It’s terrifying! And amazing. But mainly just gross.

• Who wears short shorts? Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse does.

• Meanwhile, Heather Locklear ain’t what she used to be. But she’s still much, much hotter than most women half her age.

Jul 24, 2007 · Link · Respond



By Which She Means ‘Please Stare Intently At My Face’

Oh, Madonna. With more important celebrities like Justin Timberlake and Amy Winehouse grabbing headlines over their demanding backstage riders, we’d just about forgotten that you’re the reigning Queen of Eccentricity.

Which is why we were (almost) surprised by reports that Madge was a royal pain in the ass during the Live Earth concert. Yep, not to be outdone by relative newcomers’ demands of anti-gas tablets and enough alcohol to satisfy a small army, Madonna is said to given some strict (and borderline crazy) edicts to the members of the press.

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Jul 10, 2007 · Link · 2 Responses

We’ve always loved Madonna. From the controversial “black Jesus” video to the fledgling movie career to the middle aged love affair with her obviously gay trainer yoga, Madge has always been chock full of surprises.

Like the time she managed to dance up a storm with Shakira and Demi Moore and ignore Janet Jackson while simultaneously heading home before midnight with Jackson in tow.

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Jun 27, 2007 · Link · Respond

Katherine Heigl Ruins Groupie-Sex For Everyone On Her Fianc??’s Tour Bus

• Katherine Heigl bans “giggling girls” from her musician fiancé’s tour bus. In response, Heigl’s fiancé bans “creepy chants of ‘Bethany Whisper,” and gaggles of much-more-attractive men who would give anything to sleep with his future wife.

• Frank Bruni conducts restaurant reviews under the name “Dirk McKenzie.” Related: Bruni blasted for being lousy notetaker, praised for making it through a meal at Per Se without throwing up in the dining room.

• Nicky Hilton and Stavros Niarchos visit Paris in jail, prompting “one upset mother” to proclaim, “We don’t care about no Paris Hilton.” Our sentiments exactly!

• A steamy new tell-all has the inside scoop on the time Madonna and JFK, Jr. didn’t sleep together. “She asked him if he had any protection. He didn’t, so now they began discussing how they were going to get a hold of a prophylactic.” Erotic!

• Eddie Murphy to find out whether or not he fathered Scary Spice’s baby. Related: Melanie B.’s newborn said to have hilarious “Alfalfa” impression.

• Clay Aiken’s fans are reportedly on a mission to become “even creepier” than Aiken himself.

Jun 11, 2007 · Link · Respond

• John Travolta and his Scientologist publicist Paul Bloch insist the actor is promoting Hairspray on Good Morning America simply because they asked first. It’s has nothing to do with the Today show (where he castmates are appearing) and that Tom Cruise interview. Nothing.

• J. Lo’s camp denies any notion of a split with Marc Anthony.

• Willa Ford set to play the rich, big-breasted blonde who recently died.

• Joe Francis indicted on two counts of tax evasion. Apparently the $3.78 million spent on his home in Punta Mita, Mexico, was not a valid business expense.

• Pink is suffering from the Dixie Chick’s effect.

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Apr 12, 2007 · Link · Respond

Madonna, like Sarah Jessica Parker, is also dedicated to ‘fashion democracy.’

Unfortunately for Madge, however, it appears the “Screaming Teenage Fashionista Populace” would rather have cast their votes for Karl Lagerfeld and Stella McCartney, whose H&M lines inspired much more mass mania in the days preceding the launch.

On the plus side, though, many of Madonna’s most dedicated stalkers fans did walk away happy. Or at least slightly nauseated and dizzy with excitement! Find out why after the jump.

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Mar 23, 2007 · Link · Respond

• Brandon gets the boot on last night’s American Idol. Sanjaya and his hair stylist live to sing another week!

• The first kosher Subway restaurant opens in Queens. Maybe the Yiddish-speaking Star Jones will stop by!

• Know why Madonna’s former nanny’s hair is so big? It’s because it’s full of secrets! Especially now that her new tell-all just got shelved.

• Crazy gunman dons fake beard, fires fifteen shots at a Greenwich Village bartender and kills two auxiliary cops. And here we were all worried over a couple of rats…

• Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s hubby (and Anna Nicole’s possibly baby-daddy) is suing Bill O’Reilly for $10 million for calling him a “fraud.” Yep, cause suing for $10 million is the best possible way to show you’re not in it for the money.

• Automotive High School in Brooklyn hopes to increase the number of qualified NYC mechanics. The courses aims to teach students how to replace a carburetor AND overcharge the customer.

Mar 15, 2007 · Link · Respond