— Tue, Feb 6, 2007 —

Did you hear that Mike Tyson is at Wonderland rehab–yes, same place as Lohan–kicking blow? Did you hear that he's super nice and everyone's shocked to discover that you really can't judge a book by it's face tattoo?

According to a TMZ source, Tyson, who's cleaning up at Wonderland Rehab facility (sometime home to Lindsay Lohan) after a cocaine bust, has been one of the "humblest, sweetest, and most genuinely considerate celebrities" they ever met. Tyson revealed to our source that he was afraid the other residents would hate him for all the wrong that he's done.

Our source also informed us that Tyson "is just another person trying to get his life together," and unlike La Lohan, Mike has received no special treatment.

Surprised? Don't be. People who are shocked that Mike Tyson is nice are the same people who refuse to admit that not all murderers are evil to the core. In this day and age, to actually believe that there is a stark and certain distinction between good and evil is frighteningly naive.

Mike Tyson wasn't even all that bad to begin with. To be sure, the guy was convicted of rape, and that is an awful, contemptuous crime. That said, since the age of 13, Mike Tyson was taught to knock down what stood in his way. Exacerbating that is that once he got really great at beating the hell out of people, everyone applauded him, gave him lots of money and called him a champion. So it must have been one of the greatest mind-fucks in history when all of sudden he's being chastised for getting in barfights. He's like, "Wait, you all love when I pummel people, but only if it's in a ring and you can bet money on me?" Greeeeaaaaaat.

Amazingly, after everything, Tyson is still one of the most self-aware and brightest people in the public eye today. While Lindsay Lohan's mom is in crazy denial— saying her daughter's "in a really good place, spiritually and mentally" when Lindsay's in rehab—Mike Tyson is being honest and saying things like this:

"I'm the most irresponsible person in the world. The reason I'm like that is because, at 21, you all gave me $50 or $100 million, and I didn't know what to do. I'm from the ghetto. I don't know how to act. One day I'm in a dope house robbing somebody. The next thing I know, 'You're the heavyweight champion of the world.' ... Who am I? What am I? I don't even know who I am. I'm just a dumb child. I'm being abused. I'm being robbed by lawyers. I think I have more money than I do. I'm just a dumb pugnacious fool. I'm just a fool who thinks I'm someone. And you tell me I should be responsible?"

See? The guy knows he's a mess, he knows why he's a mess, he's getting help for it and he's not sugarcoating anything with a high-priced, PR liar. I'm proud of you, Mike.


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No. 1
bonnie says:

cord, you're the man. i love reading celebrity gossip but i love your work because it's insightful and intelligent instead of just bitchy comments (though you're great at those too! :-) ) keep up the good work! i'm interested!

February 6, 2007 11:03 AM
No. 2
Sam says:

What Bonnie said.

And excellent point about the distinction between good and evil. I KNOW plenty of people who are just that naive. And yes, it is PLENTY scary.

February 6, 2007 11:09 AM
No. 3
angela says:

I think beating his addiction is like beating Glass Joe in Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Wait 40 seconds for him (addiction) to jump back and taunt you, when he comes back down, hit him in the face. 60% of the time he will stay down. However, if you want to be sure, hit him with the left.

Or so they say.

February 6, 2007 11:11 AM
No. 4
Kelli says:

Cord, let me start by saying that I just LOVE ya. Bonnie's right, it's nice to read a gossip blog that isn't bitter and immature.

But I'd like to take a little issuse with your statement that, "in this day and age, to actually believe that there is a stark and certain distinction between good and evil is frighteningly naive."

I hope you're referring to the fact that people who do terrible things are still people, and we should try and love and forgive them as such.

Surely you'll agree that there ARE evil actions, such as rape and murder, and in that context, there IS a stark and certain distinction between good and evil.

Just had to be picky! Sorry. ;)

We all miss Molly, but you've brought a hilarious, insightful and fresh voice to this blog, and I'm glad you're here. It's so much fun to read mollygood with Cord in the driver's seat!

February 6, 2007 11:12 AM
No. 5
Kelli says:

oh and also...I'm very glad to hear Mike isn't playing a victim but instead is taking control of his life and responsibility for his bad choices. It's so refreshing! Best of luck to him in his recovery.

February 6, 2007 11:15 AM
No. 6
Kelly says:

What Bonnie and Sam said.

Good for you, Cord. You're officially on my Christmas card list. This is why we must actively parent our children...not just babysit them.

Also, I agree that rape is a horrific crime, and I say this as a rape survivor, but everyone makes mistakes and does horrible things. That doesn't necessarily make them without redemption.

February 6, 2007 11:17 AM
No. 7
Kelli says:

Exactly, Kelly. And I'm so impressed that you're able to feel that way. It says so much about you!

February 6, 2007 11:24 AM
No. 8
pegger says:

most bipolar people seem really nice when they are on the depression side of things. i think a little bit of genius comes from that kind of suffering and we are left with gems like:

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

February 6, 2007 11:28 AM
No. 9
maria says:

ooh me too!
[To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."

February 6, 2007 11:33 AM
No. 10
Drederick Tatum says:

Talking about Mike Tyson is fun, it's a national past-time. They quote you posted was great, but the rest of it has the transitions and rythm of undergrad lit major. Are you that guy?

February 6, 2007 11:42 AM
No. 11
Kelly says:

Thanks, Kelli. It took me a few years to figure it out, but I'm glad I did. Life's way too short to hate.

February 6, 2007 11:42 AM
No. 12
Nettie says:

Wow, contradict yourself much? So, he's bright but he doesn't know the difference between boxing in a ring and getting in a bar fight? And rape is a result of society's having encouraged him to just take what he wants?

And how about beating his wife? And biting off Evander's ear?

Mike Tyson may have managed to string one coherent sentence together, but it would be the first. He's a moron.

Your post is the most ill-thought out excuse for pseudo-intellectualism I've ever seen. I'm pretty liberal, and I'm appalled by your "he's not a bad guy, he's just drawn that way" attitude. If he's half as bright as you give him credit for being, he'd have figured out how to behave long ago. Attitudes like yours are the reason celebrities get away with appalling behaviour.

As I read this post, I kept waiting for the punchline that never came. I was sure you were joking. Pathetic. And I'm astounded that so many people, including a rape survivor, seem to agree with you.

Mike Tyson has the IQ of wheat germ. Which makes him marginally brighter than you.

February 6, 2007 11:45 AM
No. 13
Kelli says:

nettie, your anger at his actions is completely justified; but let's hope we all get second chances. like kelly said, life's too short to hate.

February 6, 2007 11:48 AM
No. 14
Sydney says:

I've been training and working in boxing gyms for the past 12 years, and I can tell you, first hand, that most professional fighters are the sweetest, most humble and quiet people you will ever know--outside of the ring. When you are aggresive and destructive for a living, it rarely leaks outside of the ring. But, when it does, it is disastrous. I don't know Tyson, but I'm not at all surprised to learn he has a softer side. Most fighters do. As Spiderman's granddady said "With great power comes great responsibility." Fighters usually understand that distinction physically, but lack it in life and money management skills. They are tough kids trained for their physical prowess, not their financial abilities. It is a tough sport and lifestyle. But, it is also the most fun I've every had. Glad to hear Tyson is begining to understand himself. It's never too late.

February 6, 2007 11:51 AM
No. 15
Cord says:

No punchline. Not joking. You're the kind of person I was talking about when I said, "People who are shocked that Mike Tyson is nice are the same people who refuse to admit that not all murderers are evil to the core," as you clearly think that wife beating and biting Evander Holyfield's ear are unforgivable. I disagree.

February 6, 2007 11:51 AM
No. 16
angela says:

I'd like to meet the man who wouldn't punch Robin Givens.

February 6, 2007 12:03 PM
No. 17
Kelly says:

lol, Angela

But, really, let's have some perspective. Can we really classify hitting Robin Givens, rape, and biting someones ear (in a contest where the intent is to make the other person bleed) as truly evil when we compare them to genocide, child molestation, the molestation of someone with diminished mental capacity, and slavery? I mean there's just no comparison. Abuse, rape, and aural-dental abuse certainly aren't anything I condone, but they're better than alot of alternatives.

February 6, 2007 12:15 PM
No. 18
Marie says:

I do applaud the fact that Mike Tyson is seeking help. (And that he recognizes he has the IQ of a wheat germ.)

It does seem like he's still trying to shift the blame, though. "Poor me, you gave me money and that caused me to make bad choices." Plenty of people -- even those "from the ghetto" -- have struck it big and made good choices. That's a piss-poor excuse, Mike.

February 6, 2007 12:55 PM
No. 19
kat says:

ha ha ha! Thanks Cord, for digging to the bottom of all this candy-coated PR stuff and finding the truth in it all re: Tyson!

February 6, 2007 1:33 PM
No. 20
mel says:

Gee, I wonder what his rape victim thinks of this. Let's pat a rapist on the back.

February 6, 2007 1:41 PM
No. 21
deb says:

Enh. He IS playing the victim. He's taking responsibility for his actions conditionally, saying "we" gave him money and turned him loose on the world swinging. Sheesh. I'm glad he's in rehab, but BFD, he's NOT a hero. He's a fuck-up.

February 6, 2007 2:19 PM
No. 22
just me says:

Holy shit! I've never, ever seen or heard a more nuanced and succinct take on this and the comments section folks are keeping up nicely (I'm looking at you, Kelly #17). Of course it's not about "patting a rapist on the back"...who does that? It's about recognizing common humanity and vulnerability and letting it shift your perceptions. Cool.

February 6, 2007 2:20 PM
No. 23
bonnie says:

it's all about perspective people...what he did before isn't right, and yes he is stupid, but i think cord has something with the whole idea that he was essentially conditioned to think that violence is okay (just like the rest of us). good for tyson for going to rehab, although i think he won't be successful until he takes some responsibility for himself.

February 6, 2007 2:46 PM
No. 24
angela says:

Hitler was pretty fucked, but he was great at making things out of Jew skin. The Unabomber was really good at math. Oscar Wilde was a serial rapist but, have you read "The Picture of Dorian Gray"? Everyone has a redeeming quality I guess.

February 6, 2007 3:08 PM
No. 25
angela says:

Shit, who am I kidding. I sucked on Hitler's tiny little dick, you know damn well I would fuck Robin Williams. The whole time I was fucking Hitler, I was like "Sieg Hiel!, Ferror!"

February 6, 2007 3:42 PM
No. 26
Shasta says:

Hmm, putting Mike Tyson on a pedestal. Not a good idea because he will eventually knock himself off of it.

As far as him being conditioned to think that violence is ok - that is complete bullshit. Who the hell told him that his job entailed hitting anyone and anything he felt necessary? I'm guessing that no one did.

And this "Can we really classify hitting Robin Givens, rape, and biting someones ear (in a contest where the intent is to make the other person bleed) as truly evil when we compare them to genocide, child molestation, the molestation of someone with diminished mental capacity, and slavery?" I am so glad that our justice system does not try criminals with this kind of logic. If it did, every criminal would run free. By the way, boxing is not about which contender can make the other bleed more, and BITING has never been condoned in that sport.

February 6, 2007 3:44 PM
No. 27
angela says:

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go shave my head bald. And shave my pussy hair into the design of a swastika. Peace, nigs.

February 6, 2007 3:45 PM
No. 28
Shasta says:

One more point and I'm finished.
He's not sugarcoating anything with high-priced PR because he probably can't afford it. The people who would actually touch him are most likely way out of his reach at this point or he would be sugarcoating everything - at least that's why I think. (like anyone cares, oh well)

February 6, 2007 3:59 PM
No. 29
angela says:

#25 & 27 wasn't me. Whoever it was, I'm sorry if I offended you with the jew skin stuff. It was obviously sarcastic, thought it was more obvious than maybe you did.

February 6, 2007 4:07 PM
No. 30
angela's doppelganger. says:

You didn't offend me in the least, I am just immature. Take care, hun. :-)

February 6, 2007 4:23 PM
No. 31
Ally says:

Wow. It's a gossip blog AND you make really good points that I agree with. Well done! =)

February 6, 2007 5:30 PM
No. 32
Loob says:

Yes, rape is truly evil and unforgivable.
What a terrifying world this is, if people are actually saying otherwise.
"Aww never mind, we think he's sorry for the brutal terrifying degrading violent thing he did, let's forgive him. Never mind that he has fucked that person's life up, stolen so much from them. They don't matter."

And as for this line:
""Wait, you all love when I pummel people, but only if it's in a ring and you can bet money on me?" Greeeeaaaaaat."
I hope your point is that he is mentally retarded or something, and there might be an actual REASON that he can't see the difference?!

I'm going wherever Molly went.

February 6, 2007 8:46 PM
No. 33
Loob says:

And Nettie, damn well said!

February 6, 2007 8:50 PM
No. 34
You stupid fucks. says:

Saying that rape is unforgivable is a fucking slap in the face to Jesus himself. He would roll over in his grave if he heard some stupid shit like that. Fortunately, he resurrected, so your non-sense doesn't affect him. He died for every sin imaginable. Not just some of them.

February 6, 2007 9:19 PM
No. 35
No, you stupid fuck says:

Who's Jesus? Does he live in the valley? I might know someone who's friends with his cousin.

February 6, 2007 10:50 PM
No. 36
You Stupid Fucks. says:

Jesus is the Mexican that cuts my yard.

February 6, 2007 11:06 PM
No. 37
Alycia says:

OMG #36. LOL.

February 7, 2007 6:24 AM
No. 38
schizoid says:

Mike Tyson is a pathetic monster. He's a raping, cheating, snaggle-toothed bastard. That's all.

February 7, 2007 10:40 AM

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