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there’s no sunshine in penn station

• A letter to the editor of the New Yorker is a little self-serious, even for the New Yorker. Turns out that nice image above is scientifically impossible. Also, that cat would totally get trampled.

Lesbian hands look like straight women’s hands, only a little more wrinkly.

• Even with all the real-life spoilers, the extended season of The Hills looks really good.

• Shocker: The Gene Simmons sex tape is gross. That said, his lady friend is quite flexible.

• No American should idolize Paula Abdul after her new video. See what we did?

• Pink keeps up the pretense that divorce isn’t heart-wrenching. You know, she’s doing it for the kids. What a role model.

Feb 20, 2008 · Link · Respond

It was either that, or get pregnant

Semi-famous people are just like real famous people. Pink and Surreal Life star Carey Hart are divorcing.

Pink???s publicist, Michele Schweitzer, played down the news to People, saying, “While the marriage is over, their friendship has never been stronger.”

That???s like after a car accident saying, ???While the car is totaled, the audio system has never sounded better.

[Photo]

Feb 19, 2008 · Link · 3 Responses

• John Travolta and his Scientologist publicist Paul Bloch insist the actor is promoting Hairspray on Good Morning America simply because they asked first. It’s has nothing to do with the Today show (where he castmates are appearing) and that Tom Cruise interview. Nothing.

• J. Lo’s camp denies any notion of a split with Marc Anthony.

• Willa Ford set to play the rich, big-breasted blonde who recently died.

• Joe Francis indicted on two counts of tax evasion. Apparently the $3.78 million spent on his home in Punta Mita, Mexico, was not a valid business expense.

• Pink is suffering from the Dixie Chick’s effect.

CONTINUED »

Apr 12, 2007 · Link · Respond

It’s time for the first edition of a new feature we’d like to call “Lyrics Re-Examined,” in which we take a song that may once have been poignant and topical, extract a verse out of context, and admire the way in which its outdated lyrics now carry a whole new meaning.

Today’s example: “Don’t Let Me Get Me” by Pink.

LA told me / ‘You’ll be a pop star
All you have to change / Is everything you are’
Tired of being compared / To damn Britney Spears
She’s so pretty / That just ain’t me.

In-Depth Analysis:

Oh, how the tables turn…

Feb 1, 2007 · Link · Respond



• Mickey Rooney is the new Brooke Astor.

• Britney Spears classes things up with a quick booting in the bathroom.

• It’s not that DJ AM misses Nicole Richie. He just misses her access and her headlines.

• Jessica Simpson recalls her disasterous Dolly Parton tribute.

• Judge orders Anna Nicole Smith to find out whose baby daddy rightfully deserves her drama.

• The pope might be gay? That men in robes might like other men in robes is never the most shocking bit of news.

• Miss Nevada loses crown over photos showing her exposed boobies and tongue in other girls’ mouths. The pageant assocation dismisses the scandal with a note about “this sort of thing happens all the time.”

• It’s not just about the minks and chinchillas: Singer Pink joins PETA to boycott the unethical treatment of sheep.

Dec 22, 2006 · Link · Respond

In an astonishing display of marketing genius, a promoter for tonight’s Pink concert is capitalizing on the same punchline Amy Poehler did for a Weekend Update segment: public displays of Hollywood’s most private parts.

The concert, backed by Ford Motor Co., will broadcast live on MSN Music’s website tonight and feature banner ads placed side-by-side with photos of exposed celeb genetalia. Featured vaginas are said to include Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and the ever-modest Britney Spears.

As you might imagine, Ford isn’t pleased to be attached to images of genital lips waving about, and the car company promptly issued a statement denying any affiliation to the campaign and that they’re going to “investigat[e] the situation” more thoroughly.

A Ford spokesperson stated, “Ford knew nothing about this. We would never be involved in this kind of activity.”

When asked to comment, Paris Hilton’s vagina informed us that she was “temporarily indisposed.”

Dec 19, 2006 · Link · 1 Response

• Our question here is: where was Axl Rose going to get $2.36 million in the first place? [Y!]

• Finally, the ancient order of senior citizens who are way too old be rocking out on stage have come to the U.S. [AP]

• Looks like Janet Jackson won???t be letting Justin Timberlake bring any sort of sexy back around her anymore. [NME]

Beck just wanted to remind everyone that he???s still batshit crazy. Again. [Pitchfork Media]

• Uhhh, Pink is the New Nips, anyone? [PITNB]

Sep 21, 2006 · Link · Respond

• In a classic example of waning white superstars helping each other out, Michael Jackson asks Eminem for a collabo. [Hip Hop Game]

• Speaking of Jacko, it must’ve been hard not to laugh while listening to his frantic phone messages. [AP]

Pink’s turning her attention to becoming a horror movie actress. That is, she’ll be stepping onto a movie set instead of a sidewalk to scare crowds. [MuchMusic]

Taylor Hicks is a simple man to please. [AP]

• There’s nothing like near-incarceration in a scary, foreign country to jumpstart your celebrity profile. [NYT]

Jul 6, 2006 · Link · Respond


Hey everyone, listen up. Boys are stupid, too! Not just girls, ok? Boys can be just as stupid as girls. They can be arm candy, and bank accounts, and starfuckers just as well as girls can.

NBC said it before, and today on Today, they said it again. Honing in on “mimbos” or “himbos” Campbell Brown grilled Atoosa Rubenstein on who the “it” stupid boys are today.

We applaud the Today show and NBC for their fight against this sexism. It’s so easy for editors of men’s magazines to sit up there and say word for word “Paris Hilton is stupid” or “Hilary Duff is completely vapid and worthless.” It’s about time we gave guys like Wilmer Valderrama and Kevein Federline the same type of attention and accolades for being total fuckin’ idiots.

Talk about progress.

Stupid girls? Don’t forget the stupid boys [Paige Ferrari, MSNBC, May 5, 2006]
Girls can be bimbos, but can guys be himbos? [Today Show]

Jun 21, 2006 · Link · Respond

Pink’s “Stupid Girls” song has really sparked a cultural debate in all forms of media. Including Salon.

The “brainless hussies” are back … well, at least in the sense that they never really went away. From teen clique series Gossip Girls to Paris Hilton’s definition of a role model, with some scary skinny Nicole Richie thrown in for good measure, everyone is worried that there aren’t enough representations of intelligent women out there.

Listening to Hilton try to have a conversation, the wind whistling between her eardrums, makes it hard to ignore claims of cultural critics who have noticed an alarming new vogue for feminine vapidity.

An alarming new vogue for feminine vapidity. Hmm. Well, there are a lot of dumbshits out there — guys and girls &mdash. But heloooo it’s popular culture. It’s supposed to be mind numbing. If reading Dostoevsky were cool, the football captain and head cheerleader wouldn’t be freakin’ prom queen and king every year.

Still, amidst all the celebrity gossip (which everyone loves!), shopping, throwing parties, teen drinking, Girls Gone Wild, Harvard kids lying … it’s no wonder it was difficult for Pink and the author of this article to only name a few intelligent celebrities:

Pink told Oprah that she and her friends could name only three celebrity women her age and under who were known for being bright; they were Natalie Portman, Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie, though both Witherspoon and Jolie are over 30. There are a few other young favorites who could have qualified for the list: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Alicia Keys and Pink herself ….

Harsh! They totally left off Julia Stiles who went to Columbia, Tina Fey (who isn’t that old yet), and Chloe Sevigny — who may or may not be intelligent (we have no idea) but at least she’s actually famous for being talented.

And, as Melissa Lafsky points out over at HuffPo, maybe we should all be focusing not on the stupidity level, but the emphasis on class differences celebrities create.

In conclusion, even though most celebs are retarded, they seem to serve the purpose of getting intelligent people talking. And on that note, we’ll wrap-up the “deep thoughts on celebs” portion of our blogging for the week. Thank you.

Return of the brainless hussies [Rebecca Traister, Salon]

May 19, 2006 · Link · Respond

Just take out your knife kit, hit the Jim Bean, and write the last note of your life. MSNBC has just explained how the world will end, and it makes bird flu look like a day in Prospect Park. Very scary words emphasized by us.

Behind every stupid girl is an equally stupid man ???????? promoting her, dating her, interviewing her. For every Lindsay Lohan treating a Mercedes like a rental Grand Am, there is a Wilmer Valderrama creating a TV series entirely based on ???????Yo Momma??????? jokes. For every muted Katie Holmes, there is Brad Pitt, silently trailing after Angelina Jolie. For every Britney Spears, there is Kevin Federline, and a potentially limitless number of dim offspring.

Well, if we’re all gonna’ bite it, we guess we prefer “behind every stupid chick is a dumb ass dude” over “behind every great man is a great woman” for our closing statement. Especially since, judging by world leaders, there are so many more stupid men than great ones.

Stupid girls? Don’t forget the stupid boys [Paige Ferrari, MSNBC]

May 9, 2006 · Link · Respond

• First slutty pop stars and now KFC’s inhumane practices, what world issues won’t Pink tackle? [Page Six]

• Finally, The Beatles are making their music available online. Turns out the only people who care are too old to even know what an MP3 player is. [MSNBC]

• The suspect in the shooting of rapper Proof turned himself in claiming that Proof fired the first shot. Just another case of this he shot / she shot bullshit. [MTV]

LA Weekly dissected the Two-Piece Indie Rock Genus of rock banks. Like everything, it’s all about sexual tension. [LA Weekly]

American Idol divas are causing a stir again. For once, it has nothing to do with Paula “Drunk-Ass” Abdul. [TMZ]

Apr 13, 2006 · Link · Respond

• Despite the Hermes party being in his honor, Lou Reed admits that he cannot afford the designer accessories. Maybe if he spent less money on drugs you could buy a heinously expensive scarf once in a while? [Cindy Adams]

• We thought Jamie Foxx had come such as long way since Booty Call. But, after listening to his album, in which he offers up X, and says, “I’ll make you turn around and touch your toes,” we think, hmm, not so much. He best not be kissin’ Oprah with that mouth. [Slate]

Leif Garret’s mom blames Rock ‘n Roll for his drug problem. But, Courtney Love’s mom says that she’s been troubled since infancy. At least we know no body’s mother is to blame. [NYDN]

• The new Beastie Boys movie, Awesome; I Fuckin’ Shot That was shot entirely by fans at a Madison Square Garden Beastie’s concert. Home videos shot by a bunch of drunk people are fuckin’ awesome. Just ask Drew Barrymore. [NY Times]

Pink — the insipid, scantily clad pop star who’s video criticizes insipid, scantily clad starlets — is so meta. What’s next? La Lohan and Kate Moss in a D.A.R.E. commercial? [People]

• This particular AP headline caught our eye: Music Sales Are Booming On Internet. By “sales” do you think they mean “illegal downloading?” [AP]

Jan 19, 2006 · Link · Respond



We love that our readers are so on top of Us Weekly, and their falsie exclusives. While we were researching the effects of chicken pox on coke addicts, somebody was reading the glossies on-line, and noting the mag’s loose use of the words “first” and “news outlet.”

Us Weekly’s first posting on Saturday read:

ANOTHER US WEEKLY FIRST! …
POP SINGER PINK MARRIES MOTOCROSS CHAMP! Posted: January 7, 2005 5:14 PM EST

COSTA RICA — Us Weekly is the first news outlet to report that pop singer Pink (real name: Alicia Moore) married motocross biker Carey Hart today in a sunset ceremony on a secluded stretch of beach in Costa Rica. Pink, 26, and Hart, 30, exchanged vows in front of more than 150 guests, including Pink pal Lisa Marie Presley, in an isolated beach cove near the Four Seasons resort on the country’s scenic Papagayo peninsula …

But, because they were 14 minutes behind People, Us replaced their discovery minutes later with:

POP SINGER PINK MARRIES MOTOCROSS CHAMP! Posted: January 7, 2005 5:14 PM EST

COSTA RICA — Us Weekly is reporting that pop singer Pink (real name: Alecia Moore) married motocross biker Carey Hart today in a sunset ceremony …

Which is almost as funny as their “Lindsay Lohan diet secrets” tagline. We wonder if “drink lots of water, barf it back up,” made the list?

POP SINGER PINK MARRIES MOTOCROSS CHAMP! [Us Weekly]
Pink & Carey Hart Wed [People]

Jan 9, 2006 · Link · Respond

• Since Miami is giving everyone asthma, St. Bart’s sounds like it was the better choice for New Years. Then again, it’s a close call between custom karaoke or some Libyan dictator’s children and Enrique Iglesias. [Rush & Molloy]

• Ok, please don’t start a riot when we tell you tell this, but Jordan Knight and Jeff Timmons are getting together. No, not like hooking up — they’re actually performing again. Both of them. Together. So gross. [Gothamnist]

• It’s official. Rich hipster posers who listen to Sufjan Stevens are now called “yupsters.” If you need an example, Newsweek suggests watching The O.C so you can get hip to the lingo of today’s street culture. [MSNBC]

• Because our president isn’t too busy trying to clean up the mess he has made of this world, he definitely has time to listen to Pink’s letter-via-song to him. Or, maybe Dick Cheney could just download it onto his iPod. [MTV]

Pete Townshend can’t admit he’s too old to hear, so he’s making something up about iPods. Maybe him and Foxy Brown should start some kind of support group? [AP News]

Jan 4, 2006 · Link · Respond

Gorillaz will deliver their own “Queen’s Speech” (whatever that is) on Christmas day. If you just can’t wait until then to hear it, here’s the full transcript. Thrilling we tell you. [NME]

• While her career is sort of dying, Pink herself is still very much alive. And what better way to remind the world of your existence than to record an album entitled: I’m Not Dead?
[MTV]

Ryan Adams and Willie Nelson are planning to cut a record. There’s just never enough booze and ponytail holders to go around, is there? [Product Shop NYC]

• Like anyone wants to know what John Mayer’s offspring will look like. Oh, Cityrag, you always give us nightmares. [Cityrag]

• Looks like David Letterman isn’t the only one who needs a restraining order. His band guy Paul Shaffer’s wiggin’ out now too. [Page Six]

Dec 22, 2005 · Link · Respond

Like Marcia Cross, Pink reminds us she is not a lesbian – by kissing a couple of her girlfriends.

Don’t worry, it’s our turn to send her publicist the Klonopin this time.

May 10, 2005 · Link · Respond