There are two sides to all celebrities: The squeaky-clean images forced upon the public by PR reps and their actual personalities. To provide you with a glimpse into the real Hollywood characters are Mollygood’s very own readers, telling tales of celebrity encounters big and small. Up this week: Sarah's retail experience with David Schwimmer.
About 10 years ago, I worked at the J. Crew factory outlet in Freeport, Maine. In the summertime, people from all over the world would flock to our little one-horse town (L.L. Bean being the horse,) looking for deals. Ridiculously rich people, for some reason, really like paying $9.98 for a stained T-shirt.
Now I should point out that at that time I was horribly, horribly poor and couldn't afford to do my laundry or buy Ramen, much less pay for cable TV, so I only had the vaguest of notions about celebrities at the time.
So I'm straightening the shirt rack, keepin' busy, when I notice a nebbishily good-looking fellow out of the corner of my eye, across the room, looking at me. So I make eye contact to let him know I'd be happy to help him find some stained T-shirts. He grins, then turns and says something to the dude he's with. He gets kind of caught up in his conversation, so I don't approach. I kind of forget about him, in fact, but in the back of my mind something is nagging at me.
I continue re-straightening racks and helping other people find irregular jeans and whatnot, but every time I look up, Nebbishy is looking at me, then looking away when I see him.
"Do I know this guy?" is what I'm thinking. He's looking at me like I know him, and he does look kind of familiar. Now I'm starting to worry, because it could be that I had some class with him … OR it could be that I slept with him, ranted at him, or otherwise embarrassed myself in front of him at some drunken wreck of a party. Either way, I was becoming surer and surer that I did know him.
Now I'm starting to notice that every now and then, one of my co-associates would approach him and talk with him briefly (which really was unusual — customer service was kind of not our thing). Then they'd both look over at me. So now I'm really freaked out, because in the throes of my angst now I think they're all talking about me and he's telling them what a whore/psycho/loser I am. (Angst makes a person self-centered. So shoot me.)
So anyway, I'm trying to look cool and doing all I can to not piddle on the floor and run away when he starts walking toward me. Oh God Kill Me Now. Strike me down in whatever way you have to, I can't be humiliated if I'm dead oh god oh god oh god.
This is what I say when he reaches me: "You went to Brunswick High, right?" Yup. That's what I said. I really, really said that. So he goes, "Oh, uh, nooooo…." then turns around and walks back to his pal. He left, like, a second later without buying any irregular khakis.
Oh, here's the worst part: After he left, most of the staff on the floor came running over to me, saying "Ross just totally hit on you, right? Right? He thinks you're HOT! Whatdja say? Whatdja say?!"
That's when I figured out where I knew him from (Friends). I hate myself every single time I think about that.
E-mail your own celebrity encounters to whitney@mollygood.com.
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Editor
MAINE!! Shucks I forgot to guess that state Sarah!
Anyhoo, great story!! Good to knock a celebrity's ego down a block or two.
good story but don't look back…his career seems to be in the toilet and I'm sure you can afford cable and ramen noodles by now
I am laughing my head off! Like the kind of laugh where you kind of get buck teeth for a minute!!
That's the most beautiful story I've read in a very long time. (And so well-written!) :)
I don't still live in Maine, Payter/ton. HA HA! Your work isn't done yet.
I still like Ramen, surprisingly. Sometimes it's the only thing that hits the spot.
Okay, once again I'm up at the crack of Saturday morning's ass. I don't know why this happens to me. I'm just posting here to increase the tally, because I'm a narcissist.
Anyways, Thank you Payter, Flori-duh and Sar.
And Payter, I will at some point post the thing that Wordpress wouldn't allow a while back, so as to give you clues on my whereabouts. Because I can assure you, in Maine they'll let you buy a Trojan vibrator at the p h a r m a c y.
Sarah - Good to know the next time I am horny and driving through Maine.
Even the advertising is picking up on the love connection between you and Schwimmer - anyone else see the DeBeers diamond to the right?
I have been away far too long from this site (like a week - yikes!!). I have to catch up on the going ons. Any good threads that I can't miss??
Sarah! I had NO idea you had Friends in high places!
Maine is the top of the map.
I, on the other hand, have high friends in low places.
sooo boooring
chloe, i bet you could barely see through all the ennui when you posted that.
He seems like a modest guy. My friend's cousing dated him for a while. And she just worked at a bar. In Europe or something.
And the word is p h a r m a c y. That's so, so weird.
I tried to make a comment eleventy billion times the other day but NO! MG hated comments that day.
Anyway all I wanted to say was, ROSS THINKS YOU'RE HOT! Cool.
He plays a really good giraffe.
Thanks for that great story! Very well written.
he WAS a funny giraffe! i could watch that movie again. between that and the old dirty "friends" money (never-ending ramen!) he seems like a good catch. but then there's the physical appearance. good call sarah.
Yay! I can get through, for the first time since Saturday morning! Thanks, you guys, even chloe, who read my story even though it bored her. My tiara is all askew and dangly from my bowing.
So I'll say what I have to say before Mollygood goes out again, as it has been fighting me all weekend…
I didn't know David Schwimmer was a giraffe! What a revelation! That explains the nebbishiness; giraffes are known for being nebbishy.
Also, at the time, he was truly good-lookin', not the wino that appears in this photo.
Also, Cooter, he thought I was hot ten (or actually more like twelve when I really do the math) years ago. I am married now. That makes a non-celebrity person unattractive to celebrities; check the books. It's all there. Anyway, my husband is much better looking, and Friends money is underrated. According to my husband.
And lastly, Ilnaz, I'm glad you're back. I've been missing you.
Did I forget anyone? Did I forget anything else important? Besides asking that Mollygood not be on the fritz for an entire weekend?
Speech over; I'm going to bed.
Oh, one last thing… I think we should find out if Sarah Palin hunts giraffes. Newt Gingrich is against women doing that. Let's do some digging, people.
I used to work with him in Chicago and we went out a few times. When he picked me up in his brand new landcruiser I thought "how could a waiter afford this thing?". Well his parents are lawyers from Beverly Hills and the fact that he went to Northwestern with an out of state tuition should have been my first clue. He was very nice and a good kisser!