You going to Coachella this year? We aren't. It's a rule of ours to not attend events that give Jack Johnson equal billing to motherfucking Prince. You know who else isn't going? Hippies. But they're staying away for an entirely different reason: because they've been banished by law! Don't believe us? After the jump, check out the anti-hippie laws this year's Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival has enacted, and consider what a tease it is to have such harsh rules at a Jack Johnson show. (emphasis ours on the really bigoted ones)
NO Instruments (especially drums!!!)
NO Knives / Weapons Etc.
NO Chains / Chain Wallets
NO Blankets
NO Outside Food & Bev
NO Camelpacks
NO Tents
NO Flags
NO Refunds Or Exchanges
NO Chairs
NO Video Cameras
NO Audio Recording Devices
NO Bota Bags
NO Professional Cameras
NO Stuffed Animals
NO Pets
And, of course, the biggie:
NO Drugs & Drug Paraphernalia
Editor
What's this back to the future
stupid hippies with their stupid blankets. why can't they just stand for 3 days like everyone else?
no organic jewlery
no vegan brownies
no tie dye
no B.O. (that has a faint whisper of pachouli)
no birkenstocks
No camelpacks? But what about cameltoe?
I'm not sure how I'm going to break this news to my hamster…
Whatever.. I stopped loving my hamster when I realized he's promiscuous. IS THERE NOTHING PURE LEFT IN THE WORLD??!
Yes, but are they still allowed to bathe in patchouli?
ilnazhad, thanks for making me laugh aloud.
Oh, maria, you beat me to it?
I have to go watch the Die Hippies Die south park episode now. "Did you eat their brownies? DID YOU EAT THEIR BROWNIES???"
Eh, if they really wanted to hit them where it hurts, they should have aimed for the hackey sacks.
Lisa, I think you get the block and win for that one. I think No Dreadlocks would be a sure bet too.
P.S.
Dude with the Skull, totally my boyfriend. (I wish)
man, this is the first year in 5 years i'm not going to coachella.
we spaced and didn't get our mansion on the golf course that we usually get and no fucking way i'm camping in a dusty ass parking lot with a bunch of smelly tree huggers.
There's no mention of Grateful Dead T shirts. I guess this means dead heads can still get in. But what would be the point of them going?
how about no:
white guilt
prolonged spinning around in circles
"needing of miracles"
negative opinions about the WTO with concurrent German car ownership…
Yes, I agree, Lisa #1 does win this round.
well played, chonibaretz.
concurrent german car ownership…
awesome.
the whole no drugs at coachella is seriously the laughiest thing i've ever read.
there is a dense fog of pot smoke that hovers over the polo field where coachella is held. and let's not talk about the "security check" in the beginning. it's a joke. they are more concerned about people not wandering in with outside water and beer, than they are about drugs. they don't even check your bum! or your beehive!
blah blah blah Jack Johnson was the deal breaker!
Tool, Rage against the machine, jack johnson……natural progression right??
haha
i love hippies. they're so … awesome.
no way man, hackey sacs are sooooo late nineties.
Where is the love for the hippies? Hippies bring the fun and the freedom and the love and no judgements. Patchouli and sandalwood smells like freedom, and keeps the bugs away. (bugs like mosquitos.) Spiritual and practical.
does it keep scabies away?
It cures all that ails you. (I think that the critters can't stand the smell of the patchouli.)
I didn't see "no fucking like animals in the mud" on that list. It's cool, hippies.
Hey I have a question, why the hell do you guys care who comes to the show, what they look like, they way they dress, the way they wear their hair? Who cares stop judging and let people be themselves and enjoy the music, thats the whole point of coachella isn't it?? enough is enough! stop fucking labelling everything and everyone and let it be!
Hippies don't exist in our generation. Hipsters do.