Consumers Consumed

housedell

If you've prepared yourself for an outburst of creative energy from the Hollywood machine after it was silenced during the three-month writer's strike, STOP BELIEVING IN THE WORLD!!!!

Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties.

The properties include “Monopoly,” “Candy Land,” “Clue,” “Ouija,” “Battleship,” “Magic, The Gathering” and “Stretch Armstrong.”

“This deal gives Universal access to some of the greatest brands in the world,” [the Universal chairman said] in a statement. “Hasbro’s portfolio of products has tremendous emotional resonance with children and adults. They offer an exciting opportunity for us to develop tentpole movies with built-in global brand awareness, which is a key component of our slate strategy.”

Did that nonsense lose you? Not to worry, here's the exact points in which the chairman of Universal calls you and me commercial boobs who can't help but buy familiar things:

• "This deal gives Universal access to some of the greatest brands in the world"

• "tremendous emotional resonance with children and adults"

• "tentpole movies with built-in global brand awareness, which is a key component"

Were tag lines honest: "Because why play Candy Land with your children when you can just set them in front of a movie about it?"

Feb 20, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 24 Responses
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    Comments (24)

    No. 1 Lisa(#1) says:

    Oh the outrage, oh the humanity, oh, I wonder if they will incorporate Feast of the Unicorn?

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:19 pm
    No. 2 spiteful girl says:

    there's already a clue movie, which is possibly the best movie ever made. how could they forget about that?

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm
    No. 3 EsquaredMom says:

    Man, I just want to see the Scrabble movie. Woot! Triple word score! Can So-and-so come up with a word worth 53 points to win?

    Secretly, I am addicted to Scrabble, but it is a really fucking boring game. And I suck. But I still love it. True story.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:31 pm
    No. 4 mae says:

    Shoots and Ladders!!!!!!

    EM, just cheat like I do.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:35 pm
    No. 5 EsquaredMom says:

    Mae: What's your secret? I play with my husband who sucks worse than I do, ha ha ha.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:45 pm
    No. 6 EsquaredMom says:

    OK, that just sounds dirty.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:46 pm
    No. 7 Lisa(#1) says:

    EM, I like playing "iterati" it checks the words for you. One time, I triple worded on the word "butty." I don't think it is a real word, but it counted that day. My roomies and I kept calling people our butties for months.

    And I love Tim Curry, that is all.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:48 pm
    No. 8 Lisa(#1) says:

    iterati = Literati

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:49 pm
    No. 9 EsquaredMom says:

    I play on facebook, too. One time, my cousin was SERIOUSLY kicking my ass with all these words I had never heard of (and I was an English major so I thought I should at least know some of them). Anyway, he flat-out told me he was using anagrammer.com, where you just put in the letters and it comes up with the words for you. I was so mad, so now I won't play with him and he thinks it's funny.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm
    No. 10 EsquaredMom says:

    Lisa, my friend triple-worded on JUICEHEADS. I still don't believe that's a word, but it is in the TWL dictionary, so whatevs. No, I'm not bitter or anything.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 1:52 pm
    No. 11 stopthemadness says:

    i'm addicted to scrabble cubes. it's scrabble but in 3-D so you create words with lettesrs that are touching each other. also it's timed, which cuts down on the cheating.

    but when you need to cheat, a2zwordfinder.com will do in a pinch.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:03 pm
    No. 12 stopthemadness says:

    "lettesrs" is NOT a valid scrabble word. in case you were wondering.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm
    No. 13 EsquaredMom says:

    Thanks, STM. I was just about to try it in my game, so I'm glad you stopped me.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:11 pm
    No. 14 Addicted to Addiction says:

    Holy scrabulous… if I didn't have that, or this site, I don't know how I would make it through the workday.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:12 pm
    No. 15 Frowny McBeard says:

    My favorite scrabble moment was turning sod into sodomy onto a triple word score. I was playing against a fairly restrained Christian I work with, and even he thought it was funny.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:27 pm
    No. 16 EsquaredMom says:

    Ha, the closet scrabble freaks. And here I thought I was the only one. My neighbour and I play until midnight, and then we're both mad the next morning because we have to get up for our kids. I love online Scrabulous- it is easier than the actual board game. Did you hear Hasbro is suing them for copyright infringement?

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:32 pm
    No. 17 jujubees says:

    You know what game movie I can't wait for? And its just because it has the best cliche movie line ever. "You sunk my battleship". I see it being starred in by Kelsey Grammar and Jon Lovitz.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:38 pm
    No. 18 Lisa(#1) says:

    Jon Lovitz as the Thespian, right? Juje, you missed your calling as a casting agent.

    Frowny: that is so delicious. I am now going to tell that story as if it had happened to me.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:40 pm
    No. 19 jujubees says:

    Yes. I can't wait to hear his thespian, Siiiiir, youuuuuuuu, have sunk, mybattleship. <- it's pronounced like one long word.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:49 pm
    No. 20 Frowny McBeard says:

    Okay, having seen Down Periscope, any suggestion involving Kelsey Grammar and battleships just makes me cringe. Let's not go there again.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 2:56 pm
    No. 21 jujubees says:

    But what if we added a, Electric Boogaloo, at the end? I find that by adding that it makes all movies sound better.

    Mannequin 4; We were wrong about nothing stopping us now, electric boogaloo.

    Weekend at Bernie's 6; Rigor Mortis Sets In, Electric Boogaloo.

    I'd go see those now.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 3:11 pm
    No. 22 mae says:

    Nothing beats a night of Scrabble and boxed wine. I'm going to play Scrabulous until ANTM comes on now. …And cheat.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 5:20 pm
    No. 23 Lisa(#1) says:

    Franzia is for lovers (of scrabble).

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 5:39 pm
    No. 24 stopthemadness says:

    i was walking my dog this morning, and some dude had a cooler with the words "franzia" written on it and was carrying it over his shoulder. so essentially it was a box for his boxed wine.

    it was so meta, my head exploded.

    Posted: Feb 20, 2008 at 7:38 pm
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