So last night I was invited to the premiere of Hounddog, the film that caused a lot of controversy a while back because it features a Dakota Fanning rape scene. After watching the movie, I can safely say that the fuss was overblown, but that's probably obvious at this point.
On to the good stuff: The red carpet! Where my spot along the velvet ropes was labeled "Whittle Little, Jossip.com." Awesome.
The first to arrive was 13-year-old Cody Hanford, who could barely contain his excitement about how his agent let him come to the theater in a limo. He was absolutely adorable and well-spoken — and he very obviously had quite the crush on Dakota. He gushed about her every chance he got and stood at the end of the red carpet when he was done to watch his co-stars brave the media, constantly smiling in Dakota's direction. Ah, young tween love.
Up next was 76-year-old Piper Laurie, who was nice but didn't answer any of my questions, no matter how many times I rephrased them or broke them down for her. This isn't rocket science, people. How hard is it to come up with a soundbite about what kind of advice you gave the young actors on your set?
In between the interviews, Kirsten Dunst (who is not involved with the movie at all) crept in, choosing only to pose for a few photographers and sneaking behind the interviewers. Fair enough, but then she made a big to-do about creeping to the bathroom to change into yoga pants and a T-shirt. So odd, that one.
Robin Wright Penn arrived but pulled a Kirsten, posing for the paparazzi but refusing to give print interviews. She's beautiful in person, and I'm sure she's perfectly nice, but it really bugs me when you star in a movie and refuse to speak to all of the media who came out to the premiere. It's not like there was more than 10 of us waiting to ask mostly softball questions. Suck it up.
And then came the screams, which meant 14-year-old Dakota had arrived. Upon speaking to her, my theory was confirmed that she is not really a teenager: When asked if she was ready to get her driver license, Dakota said no because her mom drives her everywhere and she loves spending that quality time with her. Are you kidding me? When I was 14, I thought my parents were the most embarrassing people in the world. Dakota disagrees: "I have amazing parents, and they know what's best." I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. She also said that she hasn't watched Amy Poehler's impression of her on SNL, which was disappointing. She truly was very friendly and polite, but there's no way in hell that kid's 14.
Final verdict: The movie was decent, Dakota Fanning was sent from heaven, Kirsten Dunst is annoying, and Cody Hanford better get out of Hollywood while he's still adorable. Oh, and I will now answer only to "Whittle."
[Source]
Editor
So the right carpet was, for you, the opposite of Cheers.
do you think they were making fun of you? "Whittle Little got to go to a wed cawpet event."
Oh, this is so perfect. Nicknames that are created in manners like this are the sweetest! Whittle? Hilarious! Dakota probably wrote it. She likes being condescending like that. "Sowwy your mommy's quawity time is not good enough for you, Whittle Little."
Eh, let 'em brainwash her. If it takes military-strength mind control to keep her from Britnifying, I still say good on them.
until she cracks and the find her sitting in a pile of her own feces after ax murdering her family and eating her mothers toes
Wow, April. WOW.
dude, im just sayin'… it could happen
So, an intelligent beautiful woman like Robin declines to field inane queries from no name press parasites. I think you all can go suck it up, maybe follow LL around. She is glad to vomit up responses to your inquiries.
Go, suck it up.
april, i'm laughing and backing away very slowly.
Fiona- Jossip is actually a very reutable blog. Whittle is not a "parasite"; she does honest work. Her questions were not "inane," but your assumption that Whittle wants Robin to be like LL is. She never asked that he be an attention whore. She just wants him to be respectful and do his fucking job.
Sorry, Jossip. I meant "reputable."
I don't think you even have a choice in the matter when it comes to these things. You will forever be Whittle in the hearts and minds of the hags. I still call my best friend by the name my grandmother mistakenly called her when they first met. That sort of thing is impossible to wash off.
jossip is the interweb's NYT. and considering the state of print media, that is to say that jossip is far superior to the NYT and has more readers. robin better act like she knows something and give whitney some interviews.
dakota seems like pure perfection and not in that annoying, vomitrocious way. kudos to her parents. she is seriously on my top 10 list of favorite actresses. nice young lady. little cody has good taste.
ilnazhad, I agree with everything you said, but Robin Wright Penn is a "she" not a "he." She played Jenny in "Forrest Gump" and Princess Buttercup in "The Princess Bride." Oh, she is also married to Sean Penn…or did they get divorced? I know they talked about it, but I can't remember if they reconciled or not. Anyway, you get the point. :)
I, Sugar Magnolia, hearby swear to name my next child Whittle… regardless of gender.
Whittle Walkup. Not bad.
Your last name is Walkup?
I want a cool last naaaaaame-uhhhh!!!
Erika- Oops.
Perhaps THEY know your real name and you have gone around all these years with this false "Whitney" alias. Perhaps you don't really know who you are at all. That's some deep shit yeaux….
April, you had me at "pile of her own feces"
Sar… I married my husband (60/40) on the strength of the last name alone. So much easier than Kobiela!
Give it 10 more years.
She will be a FAT pig thats high and pregnant all the time pushing a double baby stroller.