Once A Tool, Always A Tool

Upon hearing that David Blaine would idiotically be hanging upside down over Central Park for three days and two nights, I dispatched my lovely roommate Sara to witness the spectacle during her lunch break. Among her findings: "David Blaine is SUCH a little cheater."

Turns out the whole promise of hanging upside down for 60 hours straight failed to include the times he stretches his body horizontally and then stands straight up, on his own two feet, for multiple check-ups. Oh, and the whole suspension thing is a joke: Most of the time he's hovering over the ground, chatting with tourists and bystanders. So this ??? "he will hang upside down above New York's Central Park for three days and two nights … suspended six stories up on a highwire" ??? is totally false. Go figure.

Click through for the photographic evidence.

Sep 22, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 57 Responses
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Comments (57)

No. 1 TangerineSpeedo says:

next you'll tell me david copperfield didnt make lady liberty disappear.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm
No. 2 fixator says:

What an utter press whore douche! Why Why Why?!!

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:09 pm
No. 3 hahahahahahaha says:

Um, anyone can hang upside down for a few hours, rest, socialize, and then hang upside down some more. Monkeys do that shit all day long. I'm totally adding 'endurance artist' to my resume.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:15 pm
No. 4 Sarah says:

Are you a monkey?

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:17 pm
No. 5 GoodGolly says:

The only impressive thing is that he's not pooping for three days…

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:23 pm
No. 6 Keeblerkahn says:

I really don't get why anyone pays attention to this guy, but then I say that about a lot of people.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:25 pm
No. 7 Keeblerkahn says:

Ummm, GoodGolly…what do you think his assistant is there for?

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:27 pm
No. 8 Sarah says:

Does he get paid for this? Who are his sponsors? I could get paid to not poop for three days.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:27 pm
No. 9 Sarah says:

I do it for free, all the time. Not, you know, voluntarily. But still!

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:28 pm
No. 10 deimos says:

i hope you're buying your friend a beer for going to look at that douchebag for you. if i were her i'd demand a six pack for time wasted.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:49 pm
No. 11 Ednonymous says:

I'd really like to see him stop a train with his head… now THAT'S entertainment!

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:51 pm
No. 12 Luz says:

Sarah, have you seen a doctor about that??
I could get paid not to pee for three days. Seriously, I hold on to liquids. Except for alcohol, it goes right through me. I should probably see a doctor, too.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 4:54 pm
No. 13 okiegirl says:

I'd have to stop to get my eyeliner refreshed too if I were him. Gotta look pretty to be such a douche.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 5:42 pm
No. 14 Sarah says:

Doctor, schmoctor. My colon is made of steel.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm
No. 15 kittenpaw says:

I have some sort of slight interest in what this guy does. It's not really magic or anything amazing but…it's still something vaguely interesting. It's not any more stupid than your average performance art.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 6:17 pm
No. 16 Jennifer says:

First of all, he said he was going to do stretches and come up horizontally for short check ups..do your research!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!he isnt a fake and he isnt a fraud!

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 7:22 pm
No. 17 fucked up is the new normal says:

well if he is doing stretches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and only being upside-down 60% of the time!!!!!!!!!! then he isn't really hanging upside-down for 3 days is he?!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 7:53 pm
No. 18 AngieBatgirl says:

FFS, hanging upside down for days is not a special trick and does not make him talented. It just makes him an idiot.

I hope they drop him right on his head…I'd like to see that 'stunt'

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 8:43 pm
No. 19 Jennifer says:

Yes he is hanging upside down. He is never right side up, and he barely comes up at all and when he does he isnt even all the way horizontal for the doctors to check him plus he does stretches and he does them upside down. Id like to see any of you try it for 3 minutes.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 8:59 pm
No. 20 Sarah says:

Jennifer. Do you work for David Blaine?

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 9:02 pm
No. 21 sar says:

Maybe he SAID he would do stretches but the whole I WILL HANG UPSIDE DOWN premise really overshadowed the disclaimers. I mean the Yaz commercials are selling birth control - yeah they SAY "may cause blood clots and heart problems" or something but all you take away is HEY BIRTH CONTROL.

I'm not sayin. I'm just sayin.

@ TS - I still lose sleep over how he did that statue of liberty thing. i could google it now, i guess.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 9:42 pm
No. 22 Jennifer says:

Nope.Ive watched him all day at Wollman Rink, though. It's gotta be tough on the guy.

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 10:05 pm
No. 23 Sarah says:

Jennifer. If you don't work for him, are you in love with him?

Posted: Sep 22, 2008 at 11:26 pm
No. 24 Erica says:

I think Jennifer is David Blaine's mom.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 5:27 am
No. 25 say what? says:

watched him all day?

so, Jennifer is not necessarily the girlfriend, just someone with WAY TOO MUCH time on her hands.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 8:49 am
No. 26 JD says:

David Blaine is just Doucherific.

Seriously people, if you stop paying him attention he'll go away.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 10:07 am
No. 27 hereib says:

And to Jennifer… "It's gotta be tough on the guy"??? REALLY? then dont fuckin do it! Whats "tough" is losing your home to a hurricane, whats "tough" is dieing of cancer or AIDS. Shit this guys having a bit of fun and getting paid for it, while idiots sit around and actually watch and have concern for his well being. To the deuce bag and the network that keeps putting this shit on the air…get a life! To the people actually watching this shit…get up off your couch and go do something adventurous of your own. Damn

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 10:38 am
No. 28 Stoney says:

ROTFLMAO @ Jennifer! What the fuck is your problem? Are you his girlfriend or something? Grow up. He's a pointless hack with no skillz. Deal with it!

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 11:26 am
No. 29 Hayley Schaefer says:

To Jennifer — He does come upright fully. When he gets checked by the medic he stands up!! FULLY!! OFF THE WIRE, STANDING. I went to see it for myself and he was raised up, turned UPRIGHT and checked by the medic for about 15min. Standing and everything. SO LAME. And if you were supposedly watching him all day– you would have admitted that. LAME. D.BLAINE IS SO LAME.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 11:37 am
No. 30 Rich says:

Came back from here last night at 10:00pm, big let down. The guy hangs for 5 mins inverted, then goes and get a 30 min "check-up". For his "check-up" his quickly goes right-side-up, takes a 5 min lift to a crane basket, where 2 "doctors" check him out.Blaine stands in the basket, no wires, not hanging,standing upright like the pictures and mine show. After Blaine says: "Take your time," the first "doctor" checks his vitals, then the second checks his eyes. A third guy drains a urine collector into a jug, then puts the urine into a spackling bucket. Blaine then slowly goes inverted, and the whole nonsense starts again. His "Bodyguards" texting others then whole time, big screen shows nothing interesting, small crowds, B.S. I ate a slice of pizza in front of his face and told him so. The whole thing is pure unadulterated B.S. Don't go, it's a joke.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 11:51 am
No. 31 Jennifer says:

Hah. I think guys need to get over yourselves. Wow I didnt know I was so popular. Thank you for all the comments. Carry on. It is amusing. Berade me, attack me, attack David Blaine. And I have too much time on my hands? Thank you all for loving me so much. If you have a problem or issue with David go out and make a difference yourselves instead of sitting around bitching about what he is doing and how he is lame. What are you doing that is so important in your life that you are making a difference in the world? Why dont you focus on that? Blessings and positivity to all of you.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 11:55 am
No. 32 Sarah says:

Wait… is David Blaine "making a difference?" By getting paid to not poop? I think that is the awesomest thing I've ever heard, and therefore, Jennifer, I shall not berade you. In fact, I'm not even going to berate you.
Blessings right back atcha!

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm
No. 33 Hayley says:

So wait, David Blaine is making a difference in the world?? Wow, I didn't realize 'magic' aka hanging around for a little bit, is such powerful stuff. Is he doing this for a charity of sorts?? If so, then shit, that is a good thing. But come on, he is doing it for personal reasons and because he is bored and needs to make money some how. Do you think people singing in the subway for money are making a difference in the world? That is the equivalent to what he is doing.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:10 pm
No. 34 sar says:

I think I've just beraded my Jennifer plush toy. She's covered in jewels now.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:15 pm
No. 35 admittedlyaddicted says:

Jennifer is Denise15, she's just learned to spell since she took on being a stalker. The spelling helps with cutting out letters and making demand/warning notes…

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:16 pm
No. 36 Stoney says:

Damn. I didn't know I could be making a difference in the world by defending David Blaine on a gossip blog. My bad!

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:20 pm
No. 37 JD says:

I think Jennifer meant that we should all go out and do our own fake endurance/publicity stunts where we don't actually do the stuff we say we're gonna do because we're talentless hacks.

I think that was what she meant. I've seen customer service reps make more of a difference in people's lives than that guy. Seriously, I'd be impressed if he actually did something. I'm impressed by atheletes and geniuses, or even magicians with talent. David Blaine is none of the above. His name just an uncommon use for the initials DB. The most common use for those initials fits him much better:

DB=David Blaine=Douche Bag

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:32 pm
No. 38 Sarah says:

Okay, let's not go after the customer service reps. They can be helpful, even though they don't even TRY to get paid not to poop.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:45 pm
No. 39 Stoney says:

I wonder if I could figure out a way to get paid to have explosive diarrhea all over David Blaine's face?

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:50 pm
No. 40 dom Kaos says:

We love him over here in England - send the guy back over and see what we do to him when he's hanging WITHOUT a perspex box to protect him…
*gets out golf clubs and balls*

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:51 pm
No. 41 JD says:

No offense to any customer service reps out there. I used you guys as an example to Jennifer of people who have actually made a difference in people's lives. Jennifer says that instead of bitching about Mr. Doucherific we should go out and make a difference in peoples' lives.

So the point was that most of us do more to help others at work than this guy's shameless, talentless, self promoting b/s "stunts" ever will.

And I use the word stunt very very very loosely when talking about what Mr. Doucherific does.

He even makes Sigfried and Roy look manly. Heck, at least those guys actually did something.

Oh, btw, I appologize to any douchebags (of all brands) who are offended by my comparison of David Blaine to you.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 12:58 pm
No. 42 JD says:

dom Kaos, it might be more fun with Cricket Sticks.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:00 pm
No. 43 dom Kaos says:

"Cricket Sticks"??? Gosh and crikey, you sure have a lot to learn about England!
Having said that, a cricket *BAT* and a decent fast bowler might be fun…

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:03 pm
No. 44 Stoney says:

Blimey! We's gonna lob this bloody ball eer into hes crotch!

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:12 pm
No. 45 dom Kaos says:

Naah, I wouldn't actually *hit* him - I'd just brush a ball past his head, close enough to make him blink. We'll soon see how much nerve this talentless oxygen thief really has.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:22 pm
No. 46 Rich says:

This should be called "Don't Blaine Me."

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:25 pm
No. 47 youaai says:

He looks pretty suspended to me. He also looks like he is getting ready to START when he is standing up there and as for talking to the crowd, why not? This story lacks.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:41 pm
No. 48 JD says:

Yeah he looks pretty suspended if you're going by a few still pics. Go to Youtube, or do some independant research. David Blaine lacks. This story was just highlighting that.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 1:48 pm
No. 49 Huntsy says:

Haven't posted in a long time but had to comment on the MR. David Blaine.
He might be a bit eccentric but damn I'd still have relations with him. lol
At least I know I only have to fight Jennifer for him in here.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 2:24 pm
No. 50 hereib says:

I never said he wasn't sexy, even douche bags need a good fuck every now and then.

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 3:56 pm
No. 51 RB says:

hey may lack.. but he sure beats the hell out of criss angel and his joke of a show mindfreak

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 4:44 pm
No. 52 Huntsy says:

Thank you for the compliment hereib lol

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 7:32 pm
No. 53 Yoberiffic says:

People from NY are worthless and weak these days. When I was a kid in NY, if some feltcher like this guy made such a wild boast and turned out he was lying, my little white boy posse would pull out of bb guns and slings and cock shot him till he crapped on his own head. Dont you people know how to have fun? There was a police officer who used to doze off on the job where we lived. We would throw rocks at his car till he started chasing us. Since we were the paper boys we knew how to run full speed and dive through a tiny holes in the fences only a 12 year old could fit through, then watch the fat cop fall on his butt trying to climb the fence after us. You people have no idea how to have fun. Must be all those STD in NY that are making you people dull. One 1 of 4 has an STD, you people give a new meaning to WHORE!

Posted: Sep 23, 2008 at 11:22 pm
No. 54 Josh says:

Re- No.19. He is upright all the time! I went down yesterday to see if he was bleeding from his ears yet and he was down near the ground stretching then they raise him back up and take him to a crane where he stood upright on his own 2 feet for almost half an hour, while 2 men assisted him to pee into a plastic bottle behind a blanket. Boring! So how many of these half an hour breaks does he get thats what I want to know! If he was looking to fill in 60 hours then he could have come and cleaned my apartment!

Posted: Sep 24, 2008 at 8:08 am
No. 55 Charlie says:

I am not a magician or an endurance artist or moron, though I must admit the latter is in serious question.

Here is what I will do….sometime this weekend, assuming that Sarah or Jennifer do not come over and make out with me, I will…

…hang upside down from a tree in my backyard, no wires, no pee bucket, no bodyguards for… two minutes.

I will post this on my blog (www.deafanddistracted.com) and possibly youtube. You will all be amazed, and reduced to imbecility by my power and general awesomeness.

Jennifer - please come by and gawk at me in silent admiration. Sarah - hold your poop while I am doing this.

Of course, I will allow myself two medical exams that will consist of my scratching my testicles in an upright position to make sure the effort did not cause them to shift weirdly.

Posted: Sep 24, 2008 at 9:04 am
No. 56 Charlie says:

Josh - I will clean your apartment if Jennifer watches me do it, while Sarah sits on the toilet and does NOT poop.

Only for two minutes, and I have to examine myself as mentioned previously…have excessive testicular concerns.

Posted: Sep 24, 2008 at 9:14 am
No. 57 San Fran says:

I think its time for Sarah to go "POOP"
Remember to collect a stool sample for your next vet visit.

Posted: Sep 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm
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