A still-fuming Fabio spoke to Details magazine about the time two months ago when he almost came to blows with the much handsomer George Clooney, whom he alleges called his female dinner companions “Bitches [and] even badder…” The chesty hunk did not mince words:
This guy, he ate more than he could chew. He laid a hand on me, so it would have been self-defense if I had beaten him down. I could have fucked him up. Oh my god, I could have beaten the shit out of him. I was so pissed off. So I go over and I’m like, ‘Listen, I will fuck you up.’ Right then, I could have knocked him over and beat him. I could have punched him in the face while he was on his back. That’s how you really hurt someone — their face can’t amortize the punch so it takes, it takes the whole impact. I am still so pissed at him. To insult women like that. He is a dog whose noise is worse than his bite.
Later, Fabs recalls the time he allayed his first sex partner’s fears of pregnancy by assuring her he was too young to produce sperm.
That is so funny. All of it. I’m laughing all over the place. He is a dog whose noise is worse than his bite. Uh..you mean “bark”?
It can’t amortize the punch, but can it amortize my mortgage? I’d like it if it could.
“That’s how you really hurt someone.”
What? By pushing them down and then, before they have a chance to gather their wits, punch them in the face? That’s not beating someone’s ass, that’s a sucker punch, you douche.
Although the thought of Clooney even swaying when Fabio pushed him is somewhat amusing.
So Fabio is saying he would have killed Clooney in the face?
It occurs to me that Clooney was really pissed off because he had to share a restaurant with a D-Lister.
This guy, he ate more than he could chew.
I missed this one! Golden! Hey fabio it’s bit off if he ate it then it wouldn’t be a problem, see? Oh my god! My grandparents are italian immigrants and they’re pretty bad, but this is gold!
And he ate more than he could chew? Isn’t the proper cliche, bit off more than he could chew. What kind of retard can’t even speak cliche properly?
Could have, should have, would have…
Fabio and Pam Anderson pretty much HAVE to get married. For comedic value alone.
Maybe he meant George ate a lot but swallowed it all whole.
yeah, whatever fabio. i have no doubt that he could beat clooney’s smug ass into the ground but he still annoys the shit out of me. just get your ass back on the cover of romance novels and stop talking fabio.
Listen! What this fartknocker is trying to say is, this if fargging war.
haven’t him and clooney already fucked and made up?
Oh, and Georges reply will be, who? Sorry, I was wiping my ass with this 1000 dollar bill.
I don’t think Fabio could kick Clooney’s ass.
I think *I* could kick Clooney’s ass, but I’m not entirely sure Fabio could kick a gnat’s ass.
sure he could kitchy. george would be so busy trying to check himself out using his spoon that he wouldn’t even see fabio’s girly punch coming.
He was almost killed in the face with a duck. Just becuase you can lift weights doesn’t mean you can fight. Have you been to a gold gym recently? Those guys can’t even get the full extension needed to punch someone in the face. T rex arms.
I pre ejacuposted. T rex arms can’t punch. They can slap you if you get too close though.
“This guy, he ate more than he could chew”…when I first read that I seriously thought he was talking about George just having a lot to eat that evening. That totally threw off the whole story for me from the beginning.
Yes, reading this is like talking to my grandmother. It’s just too much work so I’m just nodding my head in agreement.
You guys remember the I Can’tBelieve It’s Not Butter promo, where you could put in details about someone and their phone number and “Fabio” would call them. Ha ha ha ha, it was awesome. I didn’t tell ppl I did it until a week later. They were all, “what? I don’t like ornathology.”
I am trying it out myself to see if it still works. I will le you know.
I wonder if he really uses that spray butter. If so, I don’t want to know where.
“He was almost killed in the face with a duck.”
Kitch: my boy and I had just met and were hanging out for lunch when they had news footage of that on the t.v. We both laughed so hard and I knew he was a keeper. Point is, 9 years later we are still together - Fabio is a true matchmaker.
I’m still trying to wrap my brain around his (improper) usage of the word amortize.
It’s like Mike Tyson with an Italian accent
Except Fab’s hasn’t got a doctorate.
He should. He should get an honorary doctorate in ass-kicking.
From the University of Chuck Norris.
I’m more concerned about those massive man-boobs he’s sporting. Yuck!
Does slapping like a little girl count killing some in the face?
I think if fatblow even came near clooney, and I have met the man, it would be two hits clooney to him and him on the floor like sleepin beauty…., and there aint no prince charming in weho….maybe princess and a few evil queens
fabio, do yourself a favor…., hide, dont ask just hide….,no one cares anymore
and besides Clooney will be the bigger man, and ingore your school girl comments
It’s always the guys who go around yelling how hard they can kick someone’s ass, really can’t even kick their own ass.
I’m not surprised he’d go to the, Norris School of Ass Kicking, he is in cahoots with the birds. He must have double crossed Norris so he sent his duck friend as a warning.
That commenter at #31 isn’t my former alter ego.
I’ve used that name before, and I just wanted to alert you all to this. Plus, I haven’t had any beer, yet.
Fabio is a pussy. Dont talk about hitting him just fucking hit him.
He’s a big guy, but it’s not like he’s a trained fighter. Clooney’s bodyguards would take him out and finish off the job that bird started when it smashed Fabio’s face on that roller coaster.
I hope someone punches George Clooney in the face. That guys is a douchebag. Not saying that Fabio’s any cooler , but seriously, how funny would have been?
But if there were a douche off and I had to sleep with the winner. I’d hope George won. He says that duck assaulted him. But I think he wanted a face full of duck ass.
there’s no question that fabio secretly lusts after george clooney. what else explains the highly overcompensatingly masculine rant… fabio wants an excuse to get george clooney on his back. ha. what a sissy!
Who is this queen bee at #31? I have kept a lid on my unnecessary irritation all day at this use of my alter ego name by another commenter. Now I have pop the top and heard the inviting sshhhh of my beer. I have tasted the sweet, cool nectar on my tongue and down my throat. I am feeling good.
I don’t own that name. I don’t even go by that name. I did happened to win a haiku with that name so it’s personal.
O.k. I’m done. :-)
There is only one true queen. you think the other one could do a drunken rant like you? Nooooo f’in way. You are the queen of the late night rambles. Nobody will take away your haiku. Unless Matthew Mcconahoohay is holding it.
I bet I could take him down. He can’t reach those balls with those arms, and I happen to know that balls get itchy. So I hold him hostage until he needs a good ball scratching. I have long fingernails that are tender and kind yet get at that pesky itch. I can get anything at that point.
That should do it. His fingers are pretty stubby too.
Holy shit, you guys! I am just reading this today (Wednesday morning) and I am laughing so hard that my kids are asking me “mommy, why are you crying??” LOVE IT!!!