Headline on Your Shoulders is like a caption contest but, instead of captioning the image given, you need to come up with a witty headline to accompany it. Keep it punny and—while it’s never preferable to share requests with Bill O’Reilly—we ask you to please, “keep it pithy.” And also, try to keep it interesting. What’s that mean? Well, let’s say the headline up above was “Gimme Headlines.” That’s a pun, and it’s succinct, but it’s not very interesting. Y’know?
Today's Headline on Your Shoulders winner is cinekat:
Oprah’s “good white folks” miffed, bad ones continue mockery
Nice ones, folks.
New HOYS after the jump.
Today, headline the news of Jerry Falwell's death. Throughout his intolerant career Falwell opposed sanctions against South Africa during apartheid, called Bishop Desmond Tutu a "phony," supported American racial segregation, said "gays" and "feminists" spawned 9/11 and called the purple Teletubby a closeted homosexual.
For this one, try to use the wit that Jerry himself so clearly lacked. Good luck.
[Source]
Editor
I have a "where were you when it happened" story from yesterday afternoon. Only pertinent because the man baptized me, and I went to Mexico for a week with the Thomas Road Baptist Church youth group, and in general just have a bunch of childhood memories of the man, and of course awareness of him on the public level.
My mother had just taken me back home after giving me a ride to the doctor's office, and my husband calls and says "Have you heard the good news?" I'm like, "what good news?". "Well, crap, you shouldn't have said that aloud with your mother standing right there - Jerry Falwell died." "What?!?!! No way!" "Yeah, I thought he was going to live forever!" So then I have to get off the phone and tell Mom, which I wish I hadn't done, because then we had to turn on WSET and watch the local reporter sit there and say "Yeah, we feel like we're just another ministry over here at the station". This is what it's like living in Lynchburg. The local news station interrupts regular programming for up to the minute coverage of a pastor's death with interviews with people I've never heard of, voiceovers from the hospital, camera crews inside the church as people gather. All this less than 2 hours after he died.
Oh, here's my headline:
Ding, Dong, the witch is dead…
To Attend Falwell Funeral, Tinky Winky Shops for New Purse
"Hilter, Pol Pot, and Pinochet Welcome New Member to Weekly Poker Night"
not that it's a headline, but I imagine Larry Flynt took this news the hardest. Who will he take on now?
I would absolutely LOVE to see a group of gays attend his funeral wearing the Teletubby costume.
There is a gay man who bought a house on Thomas Road several years ago directly across the street from the church. That dude deserves a medal.
Also, I hear when Jerry was in the hospital back in the fall, Larry actually called to wish him well.
"Uh Oh! Jerry Go Bye-Bye."
The Pagans, Abortionists, Feminists, and Gays Happily Take Credit for "Help[ing] THIS Happen"
Falwell's Farewell Cited as Proof of God
or
Hell Now Hath Fury and Falwell
"Tinky Winky, Liberty University's Newest Undergrad, Continuing to Follow Agenda"
[...] Today's HOYS winner is Crick: [...]