Headline on Your Shoulders is like a caption contest but, instead of captioning the image given, you need to come up with a witty headline to accompany it. Keep it punny and—while it’s never preferable to share requests with Bill O’Reilly—we ask you to please, “keep it pithy.” And also, try to keep it interesting. What’s that mean? Well, let’s say the headline up above was “Gimme Headlines.” That’s a pun, and it’s succinct, but it’s not very interesting. Y’know?

Today's HOYS winner is Crick:

To Attend Falwell Funeral, Tinky Winky Shops for New Purse

Good job, Crick. I'm sure all the gay, fictional, children's-show-related aliens are in mourning.

More following the jump.

Headline this: Michael Jackson is attempting to block an auction of many of his personal effects, obtained by a private party through a bankruptcy case. However, the dealer is threatening Jackson, saying that if he makes his life any harder he will release items he had originally considered too "salacious" for auction, including paintings of naked boys and skin whitening creams. Uh oh!

Bad for Jackson, bad for the guy trying to make money off of Jackson's pedophilic feelings, good for you, because this story gives you ample room with which to work. Good luck.

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