good for her, get that money/baby holly!

She's been having sex with his wrinkly ass for 6 or 7 years. She actually seems to love him, so I am bordering on happy for her (not quite, but it's not like Anna Nicole and J. Howard Marshall)

Cute, she can change both their diapers. Just kidding. She'll be hiring two nannies. And ugly one for Hef so she won't become girlfriend number 4.

OMG, dropping a side note here. I just saw pics for the new X-Files movies. As Michael K would say, I totally shot my nerd wad.

Why do I like her so much?

Go Holly!

Wrinkly old man balls. That is all I can think of. Anyone think it is sad that if she does get pregnant, the kid will have to live through his father's death. It is pretty much assured.

At least he'll be too young to remember though, probably. That's sad too, but less so, I think.

Sorry, I can't get past the old man balls.

I bet they look like boiled wontons.

or giant flaps of elbow skin

you can keep that sorry tea bag mister.

Ewww… to both the story and old man balls (thanks, blah, for the mental imagery)

That's how we do it here. It's all high brow and elegance.

Wontons and elbow flap aside, remember when he had something like 10 girlfriends? After he had a stroke all those girls abandoned him except Holly. Apparently she took really good care of him. I've seen her with him on that terrible show (yes I watch it) and she really does seem smitten. I don't like the idea of him having another kid, because he won't really be around to enjoy the child as he/she grows up, but you can't really say that she's just there for the money. She really does seem committed to him (even though he's still techinically married)

Yeah, she has feelings for the old coot. Kind of like us and our cooter. You can't help but love the cooter. Luckily she does not have old man balls. Or, does she? Hmmmmmmmmmm

It's almost cute that she really has feelings for a guy who still insists on wearing that cheesy captains hat and bad Hawaiian shirt.

Hey now, I'm not that old.

Is he really still technically married?

I just see Hef living another 20 years for some reason.

Well, according to E True Hollywood Story, he and his wife agreed that they have no need to ever divorce. She lives in a house next to his and they get along well, but only as friends.

Well of course he agreed. California's a community property state. *lol*

Oh, God, I hate hate hate that fucken misogynist and the bullshit female chauvinist pigs who's daddy's fucked them enough to warp their minds into believing he's not disgusting. Because he is. Ew.

I just realized I have a non-fruitmaker.

At Christmas, during a lull in the table conversation, I blurt out: Which one of the ladies on The Girls Next Door would you want to be or are most like?

That was a fun and lively conversation. The guys chimed in too with who they liked best.

I think I would be Holly. Strangely, if this were a question of "Which Golden Girl are you?", I'd be Sophia.

I'd be Holly too. I think I'd jump off a bridge if I were Kendra. And the other one is as interesting as wallpaper and I always forget her name. It is, Heather? See, she could have any name and I'd forget. Molly? Now, this is molly.

I'd be Blanche. I always go with the slut.

blanche had the most fun, true. blanche or sophia…

the other 2 are hellacious.

i'd be stan, dorothy's ex. lol! kidding…

HEHEHE!!!

I would like to be Mary. Hef's right hand woman.

Here's why. She gets to see and do all the fun stuff, but she gets to be fully dressed.
Hef has true affection for her. And at the end of the day, she goes home to the good life.

Plus everyone at my house agreed, I look kind of like her, but I am shorter.

On the Golden Girls, I'd of course be Dorothy's mom. Picture it…

Bridget is the wallpaper girl next door. (My daughter gave me the first two seasons dvds for Christmas)

Ok. See, I knew it was some kind of nondescript name any playboy bunny could use.

Would you believe that a few of the guys around here liked her?

Mostly everyone was with you all and liked Holly best.

One of my daughters really likes Kendra, because she is a tomboy.

That laugh makes me want to stab myself in the ears.

Oh it's true. We mock it. We are getting pretty
good too. A cruel twist of fate would be if we couldn't STOP and had to laugh like that forever.
Like when you cross your eyes and they stay that way.

Hey qc can I ask you a personal question?

Oh, no offense Danielynn.

Yes, dollie, cooter, you can always ask me anything.

You have my attention.

I cant nevermind.

Ok dollie.

Kendra's mom should be shot for naming her Kendra. I always think of the Ken doll, except as a tranny Ken doll.

I'm all about being Sophia. She could cook, she was sneaky, and she got more nookie than she let on about. I can't wait until I'm old and I can blurt out whatever I want. When you're 28, you're called a bitch, but when you're 80 it's just you being "set in your ways" and "you know how grandma is".

Now I want to be a grandma, thanks alot Blah.

And blah, you know, the best thing is you can just fart right out loud and everyone just smiles. They pretend not to notice!

I know! Bodily functions are fair game. No one has the balls to call you out on making "granny poofies". I would rock that shit.

I liked how Kendra was good to her Mom when she had the surgery. She has heart. Plus both of them love football. Football lovers are fun. Kendra's mom was an Eagles cheerleader at one point.

Yes. I figure that I am not cute and young anymore, so have fun where I am at. And no more belly aches from holding in that gas.

What do I care if they laugh behind my back and out of my earshot?

I like to bring smiles to people's faces. I'm a giver like that. :-)

I could forgive her name and her stupidity if it weren't for her laugh. It makes the baby Jesus cry.

With all of hef's money, couldn't he get a voice coach? Do voice coaches help with that? Mary should research it.

qc, qc, qc….

QC's right though, being Mary would be the best. Besdies, when she's at work she can call downstairs and get anything she wants to eat.

I want to know cooters personal question. I think she's going to ask if you ever have that, not so fresh feeling. We all do, we all do.

Ha! No actually it was about MENOPAUSE. Not that I think qc is that old, I'm not that old but I started it unusually earlier and I feel like I might kill someone. There how bout that?

Bless my dad's heart. He actually choked when I asked everyone at the table about the girls next door. He's very old. He looked at me all shocked. I said, "Dad, don't act all innocent and shocked. You knew EXACLY what I was talking about. So we are in the same boat.
Grab that oar." He smiled.

I thought you got to hell in a handbasket? So now you can take a boat? I want to hope on the Love Boat to hell. I hope Gary Collins is guest starring so I can ask him why he's such a dumb ass.

No offense juju but you're kind of a bitch……and I dont mean that in a mean way. I admire that. I aspire to that damn it.

Of course my husband say I am so…..I've made it!

Kind of? I've failed you.

I need a role model….damn it!

*says

Cooter, needs a hero. And a cool rider.

Did you see the new models for ANTM 10? They all look very similar. It's weird.

http://tv.yahoo.com/americas-n.....0/photos/1

Wow! They look the Lword bitches.

I can answer menopausal questions. I thought you were thinking about husband issues and how to get rid of bodies. My mind is so in the gutter.

A true friend helps you get rid of the body.

Here is what I am going through. Just because I tend to ramble on, that way no one has to ask anything that might make them vulnerable.

You are not acually in menopuase until you haven't had a damn period for 12 months.
Perimenopause can take up to 8-yes 8-years.

Normally, you don't start the perimenipausal
stage that leads up to that until 45 or so, depending on the person. ( i started my period at 10 years old so I was at that 45 point.)

Hot flashes are a bitch at first, but you get used to them.

Remifemin is a great supplement to take to help with the mood stuff and hot flashes. You can get that at Walgreen's over the counter but not at Longs. Or if you have other drugsstores just check.) It is a black cohash herb (that could possibly damage your liver like tylenol can.)

Also, some gyns like to get some ladies on a low dose birth control. I always worry about breast cancer. Sometimes they do an anitdepressant, like paxil. (I have a family history of breast cancer.)

Tofu is a great thing to eat if you don't have a history of breast cancer in your family.

Bottom line, see your gyn. I am thinking that if a person is fairly young, that it is other hormonal issues that are easily balanced.

tmi qc, tmi.

Not about the menopause but, what's tofu taste like? And have you ever eaten a tofurkey?

And, is there a manual for getting rid of bodies? For a friend.

No jujubees. But I had the duck inside the turkey and it was DIVINE.

Sorry cooter.

It's like a secret club. Nothing is written down.
Just passed on to daughters and such. I hope it isn't lost someday.

Got it. So your saying I need to go to a seedy "all ladies" bar?

Actually the question qc was, do you ever feel like"its that time" when you no longer have "that time" bloating, irritabilty (sp) all the bs that comes with it.

Yes ma'am. Or one could be pregnant.

That happened to me to at 37 years old.
The damn doctors called me an "advanced aged mother".

Those 3 words just do not belong together. Did they call you, mam, too. I don't know why but when I get mam'ed it sends me into a rage.

I could give you hints, jujubees. Have you ever seen one of my favorite movies, Fried Green Tomatoes? Also, basements in 3 story houses are optimum.

Yes. They did. And this one doctor that I had in check by the end of that 9 months said on my first appointment: "How many children Do you plan on having, Mrs. Queencrone?"

I kept him on the team just so I could bust his balls.

You know, because I had so many children already, and now at that advanced age of 37 I was having another. My house is in the shape of a shoe, by the way, mr. Dr. ( I did say that to him.)

Is he currently in a few basements?

I couldn't say….:-)

Nope, not that. My husband has been neutered (sp) for years. I'm 42, and I've been men-y since I was 32. About a year ago I quit having symptoms of the M word. But the last couple days I've been bitchy and bloated like you would not believe. Also I'm clumsy, which I always was was when I was on it. I just dont get…I thought it was over. Oh and Dr. qc I havent had a period in about 2 years.

Try the Remifemin. I tell you, it helped me with the mood and stuff. I only had to take it for about 2 months. It costs about 20$ for a months supply and it's a natural herb. (I like the herb you know.) Do you have night sweats when you should be having a time of the month? You don't have to answer. That shit freaked me out at first until I talked to some women.

No I'm not having the actual menapause symptoms now…..just period like symptoms…..Oh Cords gonna love this come mon. morning.

I am jealous of you cooter. Here's my deal. I think I am done. 10 months go by then spotting. (thinking about brit here) I just never know. Then 10 months go by. Another episode. I am getting used to hot flashes. And I have always been a bitch, ( from time to time-when provoked)so that doesn't bother me.

He reads us like a Dick and Jane book. Yes on the weekend. He loves us.

Oh yeah, I've always been a bitch too! This feels different….just like it was in the old days but no, well you know no stuff. Ok I know thats gross but you know.

It's not gross. It's the way it is. Maybe you should see your gyn. Just because it will make you feel better. They can do a work up and give you peace of mind.

How is it on the liver? Minerals, I have to think about liver health. I could certainly google it, so no worries if you are busy.

I know this will make me sound like the hippy, but I also use rose essential oil or clary sage essential oil mixed with jojoba oil to relieve bloating and get relief.

Wow, Go Holly! Oh, and congrats on your baby too? Everyone should check out my upcoming show with my fabulous friends!! It premieres January 28th. Check out my website! http://www.myspace.com/dylanlovejd or http://www.lovejd.tv

I have had a beer now, and I am going to say what I told that Dr. that wanted to know how many kids I was planning on having when he first met me. And then called me an advanced aged mother.

He was looking me straight in the eye, like a scorpio would. (later I found out that he was in fact just that.)

I looked him straight back in his eyes, and said,
I plan on having children until my uterus falls out. Then I said that my house was in the shape of a shoe. Did he have some kind of problem with that?
He back down. I had so much fun with him from then on out.

He wasn't the main doctor. But I so loved him best.

It's fun when they are scared of you. Shit, I was being a bitch again. Lover, you should've come over.

QC, not meaning to be personal or anything, but how many children do you have? To be fair, I have one.

What the hell, I'm sorry.

I have 5 children. Is that bad?

No, actually I'm not.

It's not like I had 10 children. And all the adult children are very productive members of society, and still love their parents.

As for the remaining minors, well we'll see what happens.

No. My Mum had 5. I was #3.

Seriously, that is my primary job, to be what they need me to be. To make sure they turn out ready, willing and able to enjoy and function and suceed (sp-i've had a beer)in life.

I was in the middle too. I loved it there.

I get somewhat lonely when the house is quiet, when know one is home.

My Mum passed away when my daughter was 8 months old. Sad. I was so independent (and successful in my own right) that I did not have a child until I was 35. You can "blame" me Mum for that.

You can always hide in the middle. :)

I bet she was so proud of you! ( Did she get to hold your daughter?)

Our moms are our hearts. Our dads are our strength.

Then we share that with our sweet children who claim our soul.

Yes she did. She was diagnosed with lung cancer (she did not smoke and no reason was ever given) when my daughter was 4 months old. It was right at the beginning of the holiday season. We have photos of my daughter wearing a Santa hat while she is in the hospital bed with her.

That made my evening. Thank you.

You know that meant so much to her.

I remember around Thanksgiving when I was missing my friend so much and you touched my heart.

QC, you know I'm an old softy at the center. I watched "White Fang" with my daughter tonight, and we both started bawling when the wolf cub's mother died. It's worse than Bambi, by far.

You know what I find myself doing? Thinking about what mom would say.

I'll say things like, for example " your grandma would have a fit if she saw you going outside with wet hair like that." ( she would have. She better have, because she did with me.)

And the kids would look at me and say, really?

"Oh yes. Let's dry it first." I always felt even though she wasn't there for me to talk to that she was right over my shoulder, smiling.

I will have to rent White Fang!!! :-)

qc, they will tell me I'm not crazy, its just what every woman goes thru…blah blah blah. Come to think of it that sounds pretty good. I'll just tell myself that. I'm not crazy…I'm not crazy.

At 100 years old I think being a playboy
is pretty funny.she has to pretty hard up to have a photo of her kissing that face let alone having sex with playdead.
money talks says sailor Hef

just throwing my two cents into the ring…

yes, i'm mixing metaphors.

i'm 33, missed my period for several months, and after several negative preganancy tests, went to the gyn, had my blood tested, and found out i had a goddamn tumor. i like to call it a brain tumor to get people to do shit for me, but it's actually a benign tumor in my pituitary gland. basically, my body thinks i'm preggers (no ovulation, no periods, all the fun mood swings, anger, crying, yelling, crying but without the benefit (??) of kids.) as my doc put it, you're stuck in the first trimester of pregnancy which apparently is the worst. after 8 months of no period, i started going to acupuncture and taking all these crazy ass chinese herbs. 4 days later, aunt flo came to visit and she was PISSED.

so, if your body is acting wonky and your gyn isn't helpful, seriously consider chinese medicine. besides giving me my womanhood back, my acupuncturist also cured my allergies, some back pain i had, and gave back the libido my tumor stole from me.

TMI?

prolly.

QC, I like your style. :)

back to the topic at hand, hef lives on cocaine and viagra (so i've been told by a first hand observer) and will live forever, stabbing every dumb blonde that crosses his path with his wrinkly yet permanently erect sword.

That was not tmi stopthemadness, that was interesting, and I will remember that.

Also, if you are still close to that first hand observer, could you possibly wrangle an invitation to the next midsummers' night party?
It's in August.

Thanks for all the good info girls. You would think that being the youngest of 3 girls I could ask the sisters but since I'm going thru it first maybe I could be of some help to them when they do. I'll tell them this-IT SUCKS but it will be ok….in about 10 years you might start to feel normal again….then out of no where it'll bite you in the ass again.

Apologies to anyone I have offended during this black cloud.