Um, all the greats can actually sing. Someone should kill her and Spencer in the face.

Yes, she's quite humble.

The only way Heidi Montag will ever resemble Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Stevie Wonder is if she becomes an egotistical, aging, blind pedophile. It's sure not going to happen through talent.

Well, she's had currently 3 plastic surgeries in record time, so I think she's well on her way to resembling Micheal Jackson. Next will be the fake cleft chin.

She didn't mention the dance off with Lauren. I bet the club goers thought they were suffering some kind of convulsion disease.

I wonder why they photoshopped Parasite's ass onto her body? Or do all those girls just have the same flat, saggy butt?

God, if having boobs meant a great ab workout during sex, then I'd be a hell of a lot more toned than I am now. Um, yes, they're exactly like weights. What a moron.

It's a prerequisite

If your boobs are naturally big, does that count? Or is it only the store bought ones that have that effect?

I'm guessing the next post will be on how Hugo Chavez and Naomi Campbell are dating. Fucked up, eh?

Castro was goign to be invited to the wedding, but, you know, he's dead.

I've never been a woman. I've only had intercourse with 2. I'm puzzled how sex with Spencer Pratt *puke* relates to fake boobs leading to better ab workouts? Please help (but not if it requires me to watch this twat or go blond). Thx.

Just the fake ones. But it suck women with small boobies have to live with crappy sex becuase they don't have that extra weight on their chest. Suck for you little boobies out there.

I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE NOBODY ALERTED US. Rock of love 2 started. How cares about Heidi. How can this be? Where was the memo? someone is getting fired.

But when? Oh its ok, they'll show it another 4000 times.

Who cares about, Heidi. I also have no idea how someone would care about here either. My fingers were rushing since I was so upset to find out Bret and his diabeetus was back on the air.

Heidi's right! That's why fat people have nice abs! It's like they are carrying weights all over their body when they are having sex.

I don't know Cooter. So many unanswered questions. We will get to the bottom of this.

You just can't see the 6 pack under ther twinkie 12 pack.

How boring must your sex life be that you'd contemplate what sort of ab workout it is? Oh wait, she has sex with Spencer Pratt. I'd contemplate other things, too. OK, no I wouldn't because I would never have sex with him…ever…not enough money, alcohol or vomit.

Saying you had sex with Spencer Pratt is the same as saying you've has sex with Beavis. True story.

There would have to be some horse tranquilizers involved. They would match is horse teeth.

*had
Damn lols.

Well, this is evidence that it involves more than missionary, otherwise she wouldn't be carrying all those weights that make her have strong abs.
Oh, wait, but it does not make scientific sense no matter which position they fuck in.

Whaddaya want from a person named "Heidi"?

I can has bevis sex?

Beavis sex isn't that bad.

I bet she really works her core avoiding Spencer's chompers - like side crunches. Now with extra boob weight! I am sure she meant "core" and not "abs" - what a ditz!

I don't get it…a better ab workout from sex? More weights on your chest during it? I must be doing it wrong.

She should've saved the boob implants for her ass. That needs more lift than her boobs.

She should have said that the sex allows her to have an authentically vapid look. Then everyone would believe her.

blah: something like, "sex will Spencer gives me soulless shell look of a self-loathing attention whore. I think it will really help me sell my album."

I think that shooting for the stars and comparing your album to Madonna or Stevie Wonder is a bit lofty. She should aspire to make an album like John Travolta's or Eric Estrada's (yes they both actually made records and my mom bought them in the 70's)

Does anyone remember the video of her lip synching her album at a club? Perez' douche ass was there and you could see Spencer pumping his arms in the air doing the "white man's overbite dance" to it. Cord, we need that clip!

she should be thanking Lauren for making her who she is now. What a dumb cunt.

That clip was nearly as funny as Paris falling. But slightly more hilarious because she really meant to do that.

Didn't that Lauren chick get fired from Vouge? I guess it doesn't matter though, her entitled spoiled ass is probably getting all her bills paid for by her parents.

Having sex with Spencer Pratt must be like watching a rerun of "90210."

I was going to say that it's like having sex with a Cabbage Patch kid, but that works too.

This twat makes Ashlee Simpson look talented and deserving, my God!

My brother subscribes to Maxim. When this issue arrives I plan on setting it on fire and throwing it back at Mailman. Except probably not, because Mailman is a big burly Scotsman and he'd probably choke me.

O.k. this young lady does have a flat ass. So bless her heart for getting up there and doing this.

She'll be glad when she is very old and even more unattractive than this as age ravages
her young body. She'll be glad that she has proof that she was not old and wrinkly.

Her children will be glad when they unearth this for great leverage. Everyone wins.

Mae, how old is that mailman. Sounds hot. I could go postal….

I am going to retire to bed now and dream of big, burly hot scotsman postal workers that choke people. My Goodness.

Can we get some kind of, Best Of Queencrones Drunken Posts? A compilation of some sort? That postal comment pretty much made me wet myself. Thanks to my doctor that doesn't happen anymore.

I was close to drunken posting last night, but then I remembered that it was my birthday and went back to eating cake and drinking wine instead.

Begin rant:

I think that Heidi is such a waste of a life. Her parents seemed pretty normal and down-to-earth (on the one episode of The Hills in which they appeared). I hope they're disappointed in her, her choice of fiancee, her choice for plastic surgery, and probably all other choices made since she moved away from Crested Butte, including, but not limited to, the choice to wear that high waisted panty-like contraption because it's really unflattering on her previously mentioned flat ass.

As for her fiancee, Spencer "petophile mustaches are so in in 2008" Pratt, what is his purpose in life except to give people all over the country someone to despise without any feelings of guilt? I mean, I love hating Spencer as much as the next person, but I'm pretty sure my life would be better had he never been born, or were he to be promptly hit by a bus, a la Regina George in Mean Girls, but dead.

End rant.

heidi looks like a horse no matter what she does to her face. no matter how she pose, its still never sexy.