Have you heard? Hollywood’s finally ready to follow the lead of Haliburton executives and turn a profit off of the war in Iraq. There’s scripts flying in from everywhere about history’s most unaccomplished “accomplished” mission, and producers are champing at the bit to get in on the action. One problem: the American public, pussies that we are, are still a little sore about the war in Iraq and unenthusiastic about the prospect of cinemas telling us fake stories about a real story the news won’t acknowledge. Says Variety: “[Iraq war films] including ‘Lions for Lambs,’ ‘In the Valley of Elah,’ ‘Rendition’ and ‘The Kingdom’ misfired … ” Misfired! Get it?

Let’s hope the studios’ reticence to release Iraq pictures gives way before those ridiculous $35 per ticket theaters open up; the irony will be so, so poignant.