She's Cursed, We Tells Ya!

Joe Simpson, the man responsible for Jessica and Ashlee, is seeing his Hollywood mogul dreams crumble as his production company, Papa Joe Productions, hemorrhages money to create very bad films.

Papa Joe Productions is currently unable to finance a real photo shoot for its newest feature, Major Movie Star, so an image of the film’s lead, Jessica Simpson, was borrowed from an old GQ. And insiders are saying Majorlike Jessica’s other recent movie, Blonde Ambition – is headed straight to DVD.

She really needs her new album to do well,??? said [a] source. ???Otherwise, she???s going to have big career problems.???


Dec 17, 2007 · Link · 66 Responses
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Comments (66)

No. 1 deimos says:

who would watch a movie from papa joe productions anyways? dude is a perv! how can you not afford to take new pics of your daughter?

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm
No. 2 jujubees says:

Texas hates you right now Jessica. Bite ME.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm
No. 3 deimos says:

yeah, who the hell does she think she is? i could smack that girl for fucking up romo’s game.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:16 pm
No. 4 Kitchy says:

Technically Texas should hate Romo, who apparently can’t play ball and have a girlfriend at the same time.

But it is CLASSIC that Papa Joe couldn’t even find a suitable still from the movie, or a photo taken on set, that would be good enough for the movie poster. Wouldn’t paying for the rights to this photo cost him as well?

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:21 pm
No. 5 deimos says:

they should ban romo’s girlfriends from watching the games. the last time he did bad was when carrie underwood was watching.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:31 pm
No. 6 jujubees says:

Yes, he also screwed up when Carrie Underwood was in town. But we’re still putting the other 50% on her rather wide shoulders.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:32 pm
No. 7 pootie says:

I don’t even care anymore….Go away Jessica and the rest of the Simpsons too!

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:32 pm
No. 8 Kitchy says:

But I like Bart.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:35 pm
No. 9 jujubees says:

Bart’s totally phoning it in now.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:40 pm
No. 10 deimos says:

“brought to you by Duff champange the beer of champange!”

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:43 pm
No. 11 maggz says:

jess had nothing to do with Romo sucking on sunday… the eagles were BETTER.
jess was also at the thanksgiving game that they WON… morons.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:49 pm
No. 12 Be Adequite says:

Tagline reads: “The Few. The Proud. The Blonde.” asdfakdhfklsdflksdjfsdgsd sdffadaggwrgkyuuik

(that’s BeAd banging head on keyboard)

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:52 pm
No. 13 deimos says:

maggz- i bet that attitude wins you alot of friends. now run along and call another group of people who haven’t done anything to you morons.


Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:53 pm
No. 14 jujubees says:

Wow, thanks for that input there, maggz. Sooooooo helpful. I’m sure you took time away from your busy job curing cancer to share. Sharing means caring. Now you can go back to your very important life.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:55 pm
No. 15 admittedlyaddicted says:

I don’t like Jessica either, and I do like the Cowboys - but I don’t think it’s fair to blame her for his game. Romo just gets lucky a lot, and his luck ran out on this game…I don’t think he has any particular skill, he’s just lucky. And the Eagles suck ass whether they win or lose, they’re just a sucky team.

And speaking of football, where has Cait been?

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 3:58 pm
No. 16 admittedlyaddicted says:

One more thing, that poster is stupid…aside from the Camo, the picture looks like a hippy that joined the army, not a pretentious movie star. It sucks…

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:00 pm
No. 17 jujubees says:

I guess I should put in a, sarcasm, disclaimer. I don’t really believe Jessica has the power to fumble a ball from the stands.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:01 pm
No. 18 admittedlyaddicted says:

another girl maybe, but not Jessica. ;) and that wasn’t directed at you, I just spent a 30 minute lunch a couple of hours ago listening to a bunch of news anchors rationalize how she caused the whole screw up. Allegedly, she gave it up to Romo before the game and that’s a big no no…and then it was because she was in the stands watching and causing a distraction - because he could SEE her way up in the boxes where even SHE needed binoculars to see him…and there were a couple more lamebrained ideas as to how she ruined the game. It was so ridiculous I was 1/2 way expecting the next one to be something along the lines of “her boobs are so big her daddy couldn’t strap those suckers down and Romo couldn’t stop looking at them.”

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:11 pm
No. 19 samboo says:

and they made her orange why?

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:36 pm
No. 20 deimos says:

it looks like they photoshopped her boobs to look bigger in the movie poster.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:45 pm
No. 21 Be Adequite says:

SADDAM WITHOUT UNDERPANTS, almost as scary as JSimp and as awkward as Romo during a game that counts

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 4:52 pm
No. 22 jujubees says:

I once had a boyfriend who was a triathalete and he would never have sex with me leading up to a big race. It didn’t last.

That is just the worst photoshop I’ve ever seen. They probably couldn’t affort Britney’s person.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:11 pm
No. 23 Kitchy says:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by maggz

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:11 pm
No. 24 dg44 says:


Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:25 pm
No. 25 Be Adequite says:



Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:28 pm
No. 26 meph says:

It looks like her boobs are wider and flatter in the poster. Optical illusion, I guess, or the camo.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:31 pm
No. 27 deimos says:


Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:32 pm
No. 28 Kitchy says:

Her dad likes the wide flat pancake boob.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:35 pm
No. 29 Be Adequite says:

He puts the maple syrup in the basket

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:42 pm
No. 30 Kitchy says:

Or else he gets the yeast again.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:46 pm
No. 31 Cait says:

I must admit, I giggled with unholy mirth when the Cowboys lost as she jumped around in her sparkly pink Romo jersey in the skybox.

Cord, the picture on the DVD box of whatever that craptastic remake of “Working Girl” is, is also a rehash of another photo shoot.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 5:50 pm
No. 32 eek says:

I can’t believe our country is at war and this is the bulls**t poster they come up with.


Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 6:02 pm
No. 33 jujubees says:

Boobies and camo, that’s as American as stock piling guns.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 6:05 pm
No. 34 Kitchy says:

Well she’s supposed to be in the Army and it’s a fluff film - are they really supposed to have a serious poster? It’s Jessica Simpson.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 6:08 pm
No. 35 lj says:

That poster photo is old. They did that about 2 months ago. It’s nice to hear that Papa Joe is finally going broke. Maybe then we won’t see any more of Jessica. She’s so desperate and she can’t even follow the game. What an idiot.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 7:35 pm
No. 36 Nikki says:

Who told Jessica Simpson that she can act? She played the role of an airhead in short shorts and she assumed that she’s cut out for this business

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 7:51 pm
No. 37 lj says:

Before jessica filmed Major Movie Star she and her Dad went to either Cannes or Monte Carlo. I remember she was chasing Leonardo Di Caprio. That’s when they brought this photo shopped poster. I think it was the Summer.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 8:47 pm
No. 38 queencrone says:

lj, you hve a good memory. That’s a big complement coming from an old person.
I am jealous.

The Eagles played better football on Sunday.
Everyone thought that Dallas would win, and even though a few of my good friends that I highly respect are big time Dallas fans, I put money on the Eagles, cause I have been watching both teams all season. I, of course didn’t tell my Dallas friends this. I saw both teams play New England.
That kinda let me know who to put my money on.

And I am a beancounter and we are careful with money.

(I am just glad that I am not a RAVENS fan.) Just to keep it real, I am a Steelers fan so you Dallas fans can bust my balls now.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 9:49 pm
No. 39 Cait says:

Queenie, it’s okay, even if you’re giving Big Ben some lurve.

My lot in life is sad, you see, because I’m a Saints fan. ;)

GEAUX SAINTS! (I can’t believe I’m having to root for the Bears tonight, just so the Saints have a shot at a wildcard slot.)

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 9:52 pm
No. 40 lisamples says:

I can’t stand Jessica haters. Like she had anything to do w/ him losing…gimme a freakin’ break! It’s the retarded media that has to make a big deal out of everything. Can’t anyone be happy and mind their own damn business??
And Ravens haters….we had Tom Brady and the Pats practically sh***ing their pants a couple Monday’s ago…has any other team come that close to beating them??????!!!!!!!!

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:01 pm
No. 41 queencrone says:

I love the Saints. They have been through it.
I would like to see the Saints get the wild card slot as well. Saints have HEART.

(Isn’t Big Ben the sweetest? You can tell he is good to his mom.)

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:03 pm
No. 42 queencrone says:

Dearest lisamples, doll, I was just thinking that it must suck big time ass to get defeated, no, SPANKED, really, by the Dolphins who haven’t won a game all season.

I have a friend who is a Dolphins fan and all he talks about is the time back in the 70’s when they had an undefeated season. However, this year, he’s been talking about his fishing trips that he takes on Sundays. BUT NOT TODAY. TODAY, he talked about how his team SPANKED the Ravens.

I am sorry if I clowned on your team dearest lisamples. They are a pretty tough team.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:11 pm
No. 43 queencrone says:

Oh please forgive me dearest lisamples, but I HAVE HAD A BEER. My good taste an politeness stopped me earlier from pointing out that the Steelers BEAT the Ravens in November 38 to 7.

I would say that THAT came CLOSE. I am referencing your last sentence, sweetpea.

The Ravens have had a respectable season.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:24 pm
No. 44 queencrone says:

38 to 7. That means that the ravens only got one touchdown. Come on and let’s talk. lisamples.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:48 pm
No. 45 sharbear324 says:

ya much as I don’t like Jessica wasn’t totally her fault. I mean hello..the Eagles played phenomenally defensively…just cuz Dallas is only hot for this season..means jack…Philly had the better game…Deal with it. Besides Dirty Dallas got what it deserves..A sweet loss

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:49 pm
No. 46 cooter49 says:

I love it when you (qc) get all riled up after a beer. It makes me want to do a shot, I think I will….

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:51 pm
No. 47 queencrone says:

O.k. I am going to stop. Bears are up, California time and I gotta go see. Pulling for
Cait’s Saints for WILDCARD!!!

Steelers were wildcard a couple of years ago, and went on to win the SB. Please, SOMEONE beat the Patriots.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:51 pm
No. 48 cooter49 says:

Godnigt evrlyboody.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 10:52 pm
No. 49 jujubees says:

QC always knows how to touch my heart. Umm, little tiny brained people. Try not to take things so literal. PS, leprachauns are not real either. I know there’s a movie about them. But don’t translate everything you read and see as literal. It’s called, huuuumour

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:01 pm
No. 50 Cait says:

Besides, the Ravens self-destructed against the Pats. It was…dare I say it…pathetic. ;)

P.S. I heart me some Brees. You have Ben, I have Brees. Seems like a balanced trade.

This game is mind-numbingly boring. Yawn. I need more beer.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:06 pm
No. 51 queencrone says:

Brees is a good man.

Minnesota can kiss my ass!!! 4th quarter and about 5 min. (why didn’t I get satelite and the east coast feed?!)

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:34 pm
No. 52 queencrone says:

Cooter49. One more shot!! I just found out that leprauchans aren’t real. It’s on me. ( the shot)
One for jujubees and Cait and then I’m going to pass out. I got the tab.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:40 pm
No. 53 queencrone says:

Shut up “better” before I kill you in the face.

Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:41 pm
No. 54 Cait says:


Stupid Vikings. Stupid NFC.


Posted: Dec 17, 2007 at 11:49 pm
No. 55 jbonz says:

“Career problems”??
Jessica never had a career. She was pushed into the public consciousness by a psychotically ambitious father and has been cranking out duds ever since. Name one successful - never mind GOOD - thing that Jessica has ever been involved with.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 12:29 am
No. 56 romo's lady says:

jessica is a has-been & tony romo needs to dump her RIGHT NOW!

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 1:03 am
No. 57 Becky says:

She is OK

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 1:28 am
No. 58 jenny says:

It seems she has a profile on, is that true? who knows!!!

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 1:30 am
No. 59 nigo says:

she’s a cunt

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 5:27 am
No. 60 Jo says:

You people are just sad. Who the fuck cares about her and some idiot banging her. Get a life.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 6:14 am
No. 61 KAT says:


Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 8:18 am
No. 62 jujubees says:

Who is qc going to kill in the face? I just didn’t want you thinking you could just snag a tiny green man and just live off his gold. It’s never going to happen. Try one of those millionaire dating sites.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 9:41 am
No. 63 Cait says:

Oh, Juju, I so adore you.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 10:06 am
No. 64 bluejeanbaby says:

her career is over…cant say that i’m surprised

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 12:52 pm
No. 65 lfry says:

She is very pretty but that is it, she is talentless, she cannot sing and she for sure can’t act.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 1:16 pm
No. 66 jujubees says:

I can not even convey to you how pissed people are here. I’m currently taking cover in my house with some yummy ass cupcakes and margarita mix.

Posted: Dec 18, 2007 at 4:45 pm
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