Her wild nights include saxaphone music? I have been misled.

blah blah blah rehab blah blabitty blah nice try, faker blah blah straight from the bottle blah blah blah drowning loneliness blah. Dina blah.

I've had a really bad day so I choose to believe it……yes it really cheers me up, I'm that much of a loser.

Lohan's Publicist:

"The bottle in question, from which my client was drinking, was not champagne as my client was so assumptuously and unfairly accused of. It was, in fact, a special order bottle of sparking grape juice. I would appreciate the naysayers of my clients successful rehabilitation verify their facts before announcing falsities and liabel against Ms. Lohan."

There, now you don't have to wait in anticipation for the bullshit.

She beat you to it my dear, she said Linds realised what she did and stopped.

What bullshit

Attempting to do some damage control, the recovering addict's lawyer, Blair Berk, has released the following statement:

"Rehab gives you the tools to deal with slipping up. This is not about her spiraling into a 4-day binge.

This is what you want to happen–you want somebody to stop themselves.

The good news was that Lindsay stopped herself that night, called her sponsor, and got herself immediately back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."

Wow. I didn't think it was possible to be full of more bullshit than mine. Wow.

I agree that you want an addict to stop themselves…but don't you want them to stop themselves before they're silly off the sauce?

yeah she's off the wagon, and about to unhitch the horses and take another wild ride. God help this little girl. Now Paris on the other hand, give her the reigns and let's start diggin' the grave.

I was hoping it was a video of her blowing rails, but I'll take swigging champagne.

"get herself back on track" What does that mean? What was involved exactly in getting her back on track. It's phrases like this that add to the perception that rehab is bullshit.

Sobriety never tasted so good. I'll have mine on the rocks with a beer chaser. I promise to get right on track as soon as I wake up in the alley. Pinky swear.

Exactly juju…just one more fu&kup, I promise and then I'll be good

I lied. The next time. Cut me some slack, tomorrow is Friday.

i like my sobriety chopped up on a mirror with a razor. first i make snowman. then i snort snowman.

bad, bad snowman.

Sobriety gives me the shakes when I snort too much of it.

I wish she'd get back together with Calum Best. He could really get her on the right path. His dad died because even after he destroyed his liver through alcoholism and the NHS were kind enough to give him a transplant, he couldn't be arsed to take care of it and was even seen drinking alcohol in public. If there ever was a man who served as the ultimate example of how to take alcoholism to new levels, surely it was George Best, and as his progeny, only Calum is uniquely qualified to show Lindsay the way. If we could get Pete Doherty in to counsel her on drug use, that would be even better. I have money riding on this, Lindsay. Get your party started.

Sometimes it takes someone dying before they realize they shouldn't have been such a fuck up.

Pete is like the patron saint of addicts. We should melt him down and turn him into a lovely medallion. As a nice bonus you can lick your necklace and get a wicked trip.

Conversely, you could lick your necklace and end up in bed with Kate Moss. It's the risk you run.

I would never sleep with that old rag.

Juju, from the saying "old rag", I'm guessing you licked the necklace. Buckle up, friend. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Janice, are you after my lucky charms?

Do you know what thinking about licking Pete Doherty and Kate Moss does to a person when all they have on their stomach is coffee?

Blergle, licking Pete would be like licking a grease trap with meth sores. Licking Kate…huh, my mind won't allow me to go there. Chalk one up for defense mechanisms. So the stomach churning is all Pete, I'll be damned. Now I need to figure out why Kate is more loathsome than Pete to me.

Lindsay what are you thinking?! If you feel the need to drink, reach for the martini's ;)

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