A Handy Guide for Celebrities and Tabloids Alike

After cracking wise about her “sobering” experience in rehab, a freshly released Lindsay Lohan has now gone on tabloid record to ensure the world that she is, without a doubt, rehabilitated. Not a newbie to the scene, Lohan knows the best way to do that is by using Hollywood’s infamous “Four Corners of Goodness” press ploy, which is as follows:

1. Contrition

“It was hard surrendering and having people tell me what to do,” she admits to In Touch magazine. “It was really humbling for me…

And Lindsay says it was “really good for me” to see her father again…

2. Discovered Commonality

“…I liked how I was treated as a normal person.”

That included being given her share of chores at the Cirque Lodge in Utah. “I kept the common areas clean,” she says. “I liked making coffee for the gym the best.”

3. Blooming Romance

…she admits she is seeing Riley Giles, 25, a snowboarder from California.

4. Charity

“Her immediate post-rehab plans are…to make a humanitarian trip “to Africa in the second week in December.”

She says: “I’m working with the American Red Cross, but it is not finalized yet.”

Remember, these can be abandoned at whim and then lied about months later if anyone asks. Now, go get ‘em, publicists!


Oct 10, 2007 · Link · 29 Responses
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Comments (29)

No. 1 jujubees says:

Maybe she can share a flight with Paris. How cute, matching humanitarian causes.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:30 am
No. 2 pp says:

They got good smack in Africa

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:32 am
No. 3 deimos says:

10 bucks says they both come back with an african baby on their hips. “like, i’m a good person now. like, look at this baby i saved. i wonder if i have to like feed it every day or if i can like just leave food out in a bowl so it can just like eat whenever it’s hungry.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:40 am
No. 4 April says:

“do you think my baby’s fat? maybe ill put her on the all carrot diet for a few weeks”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:44 am
No. 5 deimos says:

“she’s like always crying. maybe i should get her one of those shock collar things, that would like totally shut her up.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:46 am
No. 6 April says:

“omg how cute are we? cinderella, hendric, and my new africa orphan all have on matching outfits. i designed them myself”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:51 am
No. 7 deimos says:

“i’m going to call her marley, you know like bob marley, because that’s totally hot. then i’m going to get her one of those like bedazzled collars.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 9:53 am
No. 8 jujubees says:

I’ll sell you this bejeweled baby collar for just 5,000.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:01 am
No. 9 deimos says:

“i’m like totally not going to buy her some cheap ass 5,000 dollar collar, i’m paris hilton. my baby is going to wear an armani collar.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:02 am
No. 10 pp says:

She isn’t adopting 4 blonde babies because that is retarded but adopting 4 African babies is hot.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:04 am
No. 11 deimos says:

“it’s totally hot pp. i’m going to be like the next angelina jolie.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:08 am
No. 12 jujubees says:

I like to say, pp. I kind of wish that Paris Hilton’s name was, Paris Pilton. The puns we could have.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:12 am
No. 13 yourmom says:

OMG LiLo is getting 4 African babies??? I Need to get at least 3 to be cool.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:13 am
No. 14 April says:

“only like without the herion, cuz like its bad for your complexion and you get jsut as skinny with coke. Also, like without the lame as faux hawk. Hey! Do you think me and my baby would be cute with matching tattoos”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:14 am
No. 15 pp says:

I think I have to change my name now. I feel dirty juju. I can hear Paris now (African tour guide) Ms Hilton we are now going to take tour of the African Bush (Paris) EEwww don’t they wax? Waxing is hot! OMG like that is totally going to be my new charity!Hairless Hootchies by Hilton!

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:26 am
No. 16 jujubees says:

You can get one of my new hot templates and shave my mug on your vag.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:34 am
No. 17 April says:

paris pilton.

in school i am writing a memo about why ms. milton, hotel hieress should be charged with driving under the influence (my proffessors assignment)

“like, they are so skinny, how do they get so skinny? Can I talk to thier nutritionists? I want that diet”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:34 am
No. 18 jujubees says:

Don’t forget the pilates trainer and coke.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:53 am
No. 19 pp says:

Paris Puss will be all the rage.They can name it One Country in Paris. Since it has taken off so well here……

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 10:54 am
No. 20 Mr. T says:

I can’t wait to see LiLo doing the Madonna African dance with a tribe and call it a ‘healing experience.’

If Paris tries it, the natives will most probably stone her alive and feed her to the wild animals.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 11:02 am
No. 21 April says:

if Paris tries it there will probably be a terrible earthquake that kills thousands.

she should be doing any dancing or stomping wiht those clompers

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 11:05 am
No. 22 deimos says:

everybody knows the only type of dancing paris does is on top of tables and on stripper poles.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 11:14 am
No. 23 james_boston says:

in 18 to 20 years we’re gonna have all these poor african infants that are being adopted by these train wrecks writing tell-alls about how paris or lindsay would wake them up in the middle of the night to scream at them “no more wire hangers!” i hear brit’s not that upset about losing her kids ’cause she’s just gonna get two more from africa. yea!

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 11:36 am
No. 24 yourmom says:

Assuming Paris or Lindsay teach their children how to read

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 12:09 pm
No. 25 GorillaAtLarge says:

Lindsay will never have any children, adopted or otherwise. Give her credit for that at least.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 12:45 pm
No. 26 jersey says:

Anyone else creep’ed out by the Lilo and Daddy pics? Particularly the one with Lilo’s back toward him and his arms around her front. Her arms are up so he can’t cop a feel.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 1:18 pm
No. 27 lale says:

Lilo and her father are a publicity hungry match made in heaven. Any famous actress who lives in the 21st century and wants to be left alone by the paparazzi will eschew leg warmers at this point. And why did she even go to California if she’s not working yet? Why not just continue to lay low in UT until she has to leave? Oh right- Dad probably needs some cash to buy new jeans (yeah, the paper bag waist also went out, like, 20 years ago, bro), and will have to accompany her on the interview circuit. Ick. The chick is a marketing genius whose talents would be well suited for Amanda Woodward Advertising. Let’s see how long before she either 1.runs around in a bikini, or 2. has another “emergency surgery.”

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 4:51 pm
No. 28 blueearring says:

In World of Warcraft, there’s a Paris Hilton inspired character named Haris Pilton. How does linking urls work here? http://www.wowwiki.com/Haris_Pilton
Hope that worked.

Posted: Oct 10, 2007 at 5:23 pm
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