The MTV VMAs are finally upon us, and I don't mind being the only one to admit that I'll be watching them from home tonight with my cat and perhaps a cupcake or two. This is good news for you, dear readers, because you can have a life and skip the circus while I liveblog the entire fiasco for your enjoyment. And if you do end up watching, you can suffer right along with me.
• 8:02 p.m. Preshow. The red carpet is a bunch of nonsense. The host brings out Lauren Conrad to ramble about how she tries to avoid Heidi and Spencer (she doesn't). She's very awkward on live TV, but she looks adorable, although my roommate begs to differ.
• 8:03 p.m. The host announces that MTV has taken stalking to a new level by sticking a GPS system in the celebrities' cars as they make their way to the red carpet. Is that legal?
• 8:05 p.m. Taylor Swift shows up to awkwardly compliment T.I. on his outfit. She's not too great at this live TV thing either, and everyone kind of wants her to stop talking.
• 8:06 p.m. Sway is cruising around LA in a helicopter and stalking Katy Perry's limo. We are officially creeped out by all this.
• 8:09 p.m. John Norris is still alive? Why didn't anyone tell me? He's interviewing Tokio Hotel. The camera cuts to Heidi Montag on the carpet and we shudder. Back to John Norris, who is screaming at the band like an old man who has lost his hearing. We proceed to turn down the volume on the television.
• 8:15 p.m. Here comes Katy Perry and … oh wow. Miley Cyrus? They seem to have set aside their "feud" to — Um, what the hell is happening? T-Pain is riding in on an elephant with a marching band and clowns who look completely frightening. My roommate points out that the elephant could, in a matter of seconds, do lots of damage to everyone in attendance. Wishful thinking.
• 8:18 p.m. Some guy who had about 10 cups of coffee is talking about how Verizon gave free phones to some of fans on the red carpet to take their own crappy pictures. He looks like one of those men who could end up on To Catch a Predator.
• 8:19 p.m. Taylor Swift is interviewing Pink, who is wearing a circus tent and absolutely cannot be bothered to act like she cares.
• 8:20 p.m. Jordin Sparks channels a Miss America contestant with her "OMG I'm just so happy to be nominated!" Sway returns with more stalkarazzi footage, this time featuring Chris Brown. I don't really care what he's saying, I just like to look at him.
• 8:25 p.m. Panic at the Disco is the latest band to be stalked by Sway in his helicopter. They ditched a limo to ride in a 16-passenger van, which is the most exciting development from that segment.
Editor
Is that Christina Aquwhatever? She looks like hell. I thought it was a hogan at first.
I thought that Taylor and Joe Jonas made a cute couple until I saw them standing next to each other. Yikes, she is a full head taller than he is!!
Just for us? Admit it. You love this shit.
I can't even enjoy Rhianna's performance because I am mezmerized by her hair — is that a rat tail?
i'm thinking that it was the tribe of writhing zombies that was the distraction with rhianna's performance. nothing takes away from a song like the sexy undead.
is russel brand on coke?
I am both mesmerized and terrified by Russell Brand's speech about voting. Then there was the Spiedi with Pete Wentz, and my roommate had to change the channel because it was too scary (did PW shrink or is Heidi wearing like 6 inch heels?).
We will be tuning back in in approx 11 mins to see Katy Perry Like a Virgin.
demi's dress reminds me of something. i think it's sailor moon.
Russell used to have a substance abuse "issue" but he is clean now.
I'm sorry, has Demi Moore gained weight? Is it me?
this must be where they got the zombies for the rhianna show. they let all the little girls waiting to see the jonas brothers claw one another to pieces and then dragged them onstage and made them dance in sync
dang it i don't get to watch due to my cheap ass lack of mtv. but i will continue to follow you whitney as long as kid rock in all his awesomeness (the new album is delish) isn't upstaged by fug n butters again. grrrrr
re:9:42 p.m.
I clicked back during this "performance" and looked towards my completely-disinterested-husband and remarked, "Really? Why did he even bother wearing pants?"
Anyone else feel like this whole thing is a giant commercial? Oh, wait, yeah, I guess it is…
The artist turnout at this show is lame!!!
I watched a little while cooking dinner. Even worse than I thought! And there was this weird commercial that seemed to be dissing MTV and then it said "we're having technical difficulties." I got excited and thought it was a prank. Delusions, man.
I am totally over the Jonas Brothers jokes - Russell needs some new material.
I would like Russell Brand to do me six ways from Sunday
This is the worst VMA ever…ever…painful…
Lucy Lastic, I think you're alone on that one. At least I hope you are!!
I was mildly amused by his joke about his hair though.
fumble td bears. cause that's how i roll… on regular tv.
Lucy Lastic, I think you may be alone on that one. At least I hope you are!!
I was mildly amused by his joke about his hair though.
Those pants are doing nothing for poor Christina…she looked hella better behind the glass…She does put on a good show though
I really liked Xtina. I am not impressed with Tokio Hotel. Now I feel 80. That darn kid looks like he's been playing with electrical sockets.
now i want gum.
I'm with Lucy. I don't even know why.
Demi, meet wall. Wall, Demi.
Christina Aguilera totally looked like Carrie (the one who could actually sing) from the Girlicious competition. Anyone with me?
I didn't like that he was picking on the little Jonas brothers. I mean, I don't like them but if that is thier choice, it shouldn't be looked down upon and made fun of.
Besides, the idea of some foreigner telling me how to vote just puts me off entirely. You don't hear us bitching about the Torey's do you?
Phew! Britney decided to let someone actually style her hair before the show. Well played, Brit-Brit.
why did it seem like there was hardly anyone in the audience? The place had the capacity of a middle school graduation.
Britney? wow, that seems so pity/money driven. Sad. And the Rape-master Kobe Bryant presented? WTF?
MTV, what happened to you?
Blah - I'd be delighted if you followed British politics to the extent you'd like to bitch about the Tories. Politics can be international, you know?
Everyone is talking about the American election, not just Americans. Perhaps you'd like to read some international press?