Mariah Carey, on how life could be even simpler:

Before a big show I’m not allowed to speak for two days. It’s boring writing notes. I need Stephen Hawking’s voice machine so I think and it comes out in a robot voice.

Yep, she said that!

[Source]

Jan 7, 2008 · Link · 50 Responses
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Comments (50)

No. 1 Lily the Pink says:

I’m glad to see she has such a grasp on technology. I’d gladly start a letter writing campaign to intel to ask them to provide her with the same set-up if it meant getting to watch her have a stroke trying to think the thing into working.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:39 pm
No. 2 deimos says:

i think the problem here is that her boobs have taken over the part of her brain that controls speech. yeah, that’s what i’ll go with.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:42 pm
No. 3 jujubees says:

WOW, just wow. She must have the same problem Jessica Alba has. Something is wrong with their brain filters. I’m sure it sounds super smart when they think it. It just doesn’t sound the same when it leaves the piehole.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:48 pm
No. 4 Shitchy says:

Yes, Mariah. The “voice machine” reads minds.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:49 pm
No. 5 Shitchy says:

If I could just get that mind-reading voice machine and be as thin as those starving kids in Ethiopia, my life would be complete.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:50 pm
No. 6 Lisa#1 says:

Can you do runs with a voice synthesizer? Oooh. Ah. Oh. Ah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I looked into getting one of those voice box deals that tracheotemy patients have. They are freaking expensive! I can only imagine what Big H’s would cost.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:51 pm
No. 7 jujubees says:

Can you get a special adapter for your blackberry? I’ll never have to type again.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:54 pm
No. 8 Shitchy says:

I want a voice box with an English accent.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:54 pm
No. 9 deimos says:

i want mine to translate everything into german so i can confuse people. my family would never know if i was saying something nice or if i was calling them assholes, it would be great.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:56 pm
No. 10 Speedmonkey says:

she doesn’t even know who stephen hawking is…

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:56 pm
No. 11 Shitchy says:

Sure she does. She reads all his books, although she can’t quite understand the Gunslinger series.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 1:57 pm
No. 12 jujubees says:

She had to get the large print coloring book.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm
No. 13 andrew says:

That’s gross.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 2:40 pm
No. 14 Lily the Pink says:

Shitchy, it would be a fair trade since Hawking is British and his voice synth has an American accent.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 2:41 pm
No. 15 Sugar Magnolia says:

commies? please?

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 2:47 pm
No. 16 Lisa#1 says:

Apparently Cord is too busy court side, wearing an ascot and drinking iced tea.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:00 pm
No. 17 Shitchy says:

A pink ascot. And raspberry iced tea.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:04 pm
No. 18 Trixie says:

Or peach iced tea. Oooo, or an Arnold Palmer…half iced tea, half lemonade.

I’m so ashamed that I know that.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm
No. 19 Lily the Pink says:

If I could be sitting court side drinking tea right now I would be. Well, I think I might actually prefer 2 fingers of 18 Year Old Macallan to the tea. Ok, I could do without the court side part as long as I had the Macallan. There’s a bottle on my desk at home. I should be able to have a bottle on my desk at work, as well.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm
No. 20 Shitchy says:

I think the Arnold Palmer prediction is probably dead-on.

Or maybe a Shirley Temple.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:13 pm
No. 21 Lily the Pink says:

Cord, I know you like whisky. I’ll share a glass of my Macallan’s if you crank out the Commies and make these hags happy . Their quips are sometimes the only things that keep me from running screaming from my office. Of course, if you don’t like single malt this is no incentive…

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:14 pm
No. 22 Lisa#1 says:

Lily: we need to do the same job, move to the same place and open up an office together. Where our desks will have various whiskys for us to pour finges from and tipple throughout the day.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:21 pm
No. 23 jujubees says:

You all are wrong. He’s enjoying a banana pina colada with a colorful umbrella. he also likes getting caught in the rain.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:21 pm
No. 24 Shitchy says:

I know it’s too early for Commies, but I’ll push for them anyway.

Bunnie also likes makin’ love at midnight in the dunes on the Cape.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:24 pm
No. 25 deimos says:

or maybe he’s wasted away again in margaritaville, still searching for that fucking salt

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:27 pm
No. 26 jujubees says:

He and his old lady have fallen into the same dull routine.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:29 pm
No. 27 Shitchy says:

And Lord knows there’s a woman to blame.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:29 pm
No. 28 Lisa#1 says:

Oh.My.God. I hate, hate, hate loathe Jimmy Buffet. Cord is probs totes a parrot head. Bastard.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm
No. 29 Shitchy says:

Maybe he had to get all caught up on Days of Our Lives before putting together the Commies.

Tell me, Bunnie: is John REALLY dead?

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm
No. 30 deimos says:

but i know, it’s nobody’s fault

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm
No. 31 deimos says:

days of our lives *shudder*

i just had a terrible flashback of staying at my grandma’s house. thanks kitchy.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:34 pm
No. 32 jujubees says:

No, John’s not dead. Cord missed it due to the big tennis match. Biff and Trixie completely smoked Kip and Muffy in the doubles match.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:35 pm
No. 33 Lily the Pink says:

Lisa#1, that sounds great, especially since you hate Jimmy Buffet. My husband, who has a cruel sense of humor, knows I don’t create playlists on my mp3 player and just load a bunch of stuff I feel like listening to and play it on random mode, and to annoy me he’ll sneak Jimmy Buffet tunes on it.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:44 pm
No. 34 Lily the Pink says:

deimos, it’s your own damn fault.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:46 pm
No. 35 jujubees says:

That’s what I tell people too when they see I’m listening to The Carpenters. Oh, that crazy husband again.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:47 pm
No. 36 deimos says:

yes, yes it is. i shall go to the corner and drink rum until i no longer have the memory of grandma’s days of our lives addiction haunting me.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:56 pm
No. 37 jujubees says:

Don’t judge your grandma. She’s just watching her stories and drinking a little wild turkey. That’s how grandma’s do it, right?

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:58 pm
No. 38 jujubees says:

Oh, except my grandma watches univision,

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 3:59 pm
No. 39 deimos says:

she doesn’t drink.ever. that’s why it’s so disturbing. what sober person would watch that much days of our lives? i don’t get it.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:02 pm
No. 40 Lily the Pink says:

jujubees, no that’s my excuse when people find my cheesy late 80’s- early 90’s hip hop. “Who the hell put Deeez Nuuutz on here?” I’d totally own the Carpenters.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:15 pm
No. 41 Lisa#1 says:

Lily: my boyfriend has a similar sadistic streak. Except he will play Pink Floyd really low and see how long it takes me to go into a blind rage. He thinks it is HI-larious.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:20 pm
No. 42 jujubees says:

So it’s completely ok to love, Close to you? Becuase, looooord help me, I love it.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm
No. 43 Lily the Pink says:

Lisa#1, my husband once played Ice Ice Baby over and over again while I slept, in an attempt to make it stick in my head all the next day. A (what he considers hilarious) side-effect of this was that I also dreamed about Vanilla Ice.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:24 pm
No. 44 Lily the Pink says:

jujubees, it is, but not Superstar. Well, Superstar is OK, but I have the Sonic Youth cover of it which is done in a fabulously stalkerific style which creeps me the hell out every time I hear it.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:27 pm
No. 45 eeks says:

God. look at her. She is obsessed with trying to convince the world she is skinny. what a joke!

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 4:40 pm
No. 46 blah says:

I bet that Steven Hawking would love the chance to walk around with his fake boobs and act like a diva while wearing clothes that are too tight and too short for a man his age (well, not really, but you know what I mean hags).

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 5:11 pm
No. 47 Shitchy says:

I want the damn Commies. I’m sick of seeing Huckabee everydamnwhere. Psh.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 5:52 pm
No. 48 Lisa#1 says:

Lily: when we work together we must keep our respective partener far away from eachother. It would be unhealthy, for us, for them to ever meet.

And now I have Ice Ice Baby in my head.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 6:50 pm
No. 49 cooter49 says:

STUFFED SAUSAGE.

Posted: Jan 7, 2008 at 9:09 pm
No. 50 mae says:

stuffed sausage, perfect. my friend and i always referred to her as an overstuffed ottoman.

Posted: Jan 8, 2008 at 2:35 am
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