Buck Up Little Camper
Our favorite little guy, Verne Troyer, received great news this weekend as a judge shot down the distribution of that disturbing sex tape Mini Me made with his famewhore ex-girlfriend. Snippets of the 50-minute tape were leaked to TMZ last month — but Verne must approve of the selling or distributing of the tape, and he vowed he will do no such thing.
Good move, Verne. Seriously, we kind of love him, but no one wants to see his reptilian tongue darting in and out of that loser's mouth.
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Yeah, that sounds nasty. Unless Verne pees on her. Oh, the passion!
This whole thing is kind of like a Michael Bay movie. The world is brought to the brink of destruction and at the last minute someone steps up to save us all. In this case it's the judge, who I'd like to think looks like Bruce Willis. We won't have to suffer through Vern's O face, but will any of us forget the kiss? Or the mental image of him crawling up some chicks legs to have sex with her? We survived dear friends, but at what cost. At what cost?
It doesn't end here. There are dozens of stars making bad decisions everyday. Presumably Khloe Kardashian has sex, or at least rubs herself up against something. Her sex tape is what we call a planet killer. We must be vigilant, and hope someone is always there to step up and take one for the team.
The team can go to hell if it involves me being all sexed up by lizard tongue. And his teeth are so large for his mouth. I'd rather let my dog hump my leg.
Are those
A)fingers
B)kasava roots
or
C)some inedible bratwurst.
Aww come on JuJu, can't you just close your eyes and think of him as Mini-Bale? It's for the greater good.
Keebler, look at those fingers. They look like t-rex claws. They could do some damage. It's going to cost the team some new shoes and purse for that. And not some cheap knock off purse you bought on a street corner.
Are we talking something from Jaclyn Smith's K-mart line or something a little more high end, JuJu?
Considering what his tongue and fingers look like, we should all thank our lucky stars we don't have to see him naked. He probably has abnormally large areolas.
I don't feel bad for him. He was used, but he refuses to date woman who are also dwarfs. If he can't love someone despite their dwarfism, he has no right to expect others to.
It's still mean to make fun of his appearance, folks.
Jacyln Smith? How dare you sir. I'm worth at least a Kathy Lee Gifford.
He lets himself become the butt of jokes by letting himself be tossed around in movies. He doesn't seem to mind it too much.
Has anyone actually seen HIS mini-him? I can't picture it being more than a nubbin, so really, is it sex? Ew. My brain stings now.