Fighting Gravity

How have neither of these gone away? How is do-nothing* Mischa Barton in say-nothing Maxim? We feel like a zoologist who’s just seen a unicorn chasing a dodo bird.

*Before anyone starts in with, “She’s got six movies on IMDB blah blah blah,” how about citing things that aren’t called Malice in Sunderland and You and I (Finding tATu).


Dec 13, 2007 · Link · 29 Responses
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Tagged: Maxim · Mischa Barton
Comments (29)

No. 1 scooter butt says:

well, i guess you pretty well killed the comments then

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 6:50 pm
No. 2 LisaNo.1 says:

Unicorns existed? How very Biblical* of you.

*Before anyone starts with, “unicorns aren’t actually in the Bible,” how about remembering the part of the children’s cannon where all the magical creatures were left behind in the Great Flood.

Sidenote: I have never felt the need to defend Mischa Barton. Or Maxim.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 6:59 pm
No. 3 Kitchy says:

I love when Bunnie dictates how we can and can’t answer.

Not that I disagree with his overall statement. Mischa’s a do-nothing bore, and this photoshoot is… not hot.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:02 pm
No. 4 evil twin says:

Which one of us would have defended Mischa Barton OR Maxim?

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:02 pm
No. 5 cooter49 says:

Cord you’re too legit…too legit too quit.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:04 pm
No. 6 cooter49 says:

I’m sorry. I’m drunk and its my f-in birthday and my husband had to “work late”

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:05 pm
No. 7 mae says:

DON’T YOU DARE DENY THE SPECTACULAR UNDERAPPRECIATED ACTOR/BEAUTY THAT IS MISCHA BARFON AND THE WELL WRITTEN, MISINTERPRETTED MEN’S BIBLE THAT IS MAXIM.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:07 pm
No. 8 Kitchy says:

Anyone who defends Mischa can go straight to Perez!!

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:08 pm
No. 9 LisaNo.1 says:

Mae, thanks for filling in tonight - the normal crazies seem to be in hybernation.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:10 pm
No. 10 Beth says:

I would never defend Mischa as an actress, but (aside from these very unsexy pictures) I would normally defend her as a model. She’s kinda photogenic. Even if she doesn’t smile with her eyes.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:18 pm
No. 11 jujubees says:

It’s too bad she can’t be all skinny and sexy like, Amy. Yes, Amy Winehouse. You haters.

Aaaaaaaaaand, scene.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:29 pm
No. 12 jujubees says:

Want to see what I learned from ANTM.

She’s not lengthening her neck enough. And she’s not finding the light with her face. And she completely amputated her arm by sticking it in her crotch. A client would never use those pictures.

Taaa daaaa.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:33 pm
No. 13 mae says:

No problem, Lisa. Glad I could help.

She looks like she’s rubbing one out. Ew, barf.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:49 pm
No. 14 blah says:

Ok, first - quit using my name in vain. Who in this forum would dare be associated with Mischa Barton? I will have to stop adoring this place if you continue (I kid, I’m a total whore for this site).

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:49 pm
No. 15 queencrone says:

Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday DEAREST COOTER49!!! Happy birthday to you!!! :-)

This was sung to you by me and my voice sounds EXACTLY like Diane Shuur.

I think I’ll have a beer and toast to dear cooter49.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:53 pm
No. 16 queencrone says:

Oh yeah, and my comment that relates to the topic is: Isn’t nice that there is a magizine that will let young ladies show off their pretty bodies if they want to? I’ll bet that this pretty young lady will be glad to have this magazine in her scapbook in 30 years from now.

And her daughter will appreciate it too. It could be used as leverage. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:56 pm
No. 17 jujubees says:

I’m out of alcohol but I still have those pain pills. Cheers my cooterific, cootastic, cootante. I’ll never forget the day you came into our lives.

Many a fine cooter songs were born that night. And I pee’d my pants a little

My cooter will go on.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:56 pm
No. 18 queencrone says:

Obviously, I’ve had more than one beer.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 7:57 pm
No. 19 maria says:

By the time I decide whether or not to jump on the vest bandwagon, they’ll be lame(r)…what to do, what to do.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 8:40 pm
No. 20 jujubees says:

I already did the whole vest thing during my 90210/Melrose Place, phase. No need for me to revisit it.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 10:16 pm
No. 21 jujubees says:

Plus, why do vests have to look like they were made from and old dirty tapestry? Hey, Tapestry was a pretty kick ass album.

Can you tell I found some alcohol.

It’s tooo late baby, yeah, it’s too late.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 10:18 pm
No. 22 queencrone says:

Carol King is now stuck in my head. Jujubees, you are my d.j. today. And a damn great one.

Posted: Dec 13, 2007 at 11:16 pm
No. 23 cooter49 says:

Thanks bitches!!!!!!!! I’m old again, I mean now.

And that day is special in my heart too! It was the day a cooter was born.

qc, you have a lovely voice.
I’ll have a drink and a toot to that.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 12:07 am
No. 24 jill says:

Why hasn’t anyone addressed the fact that she’s doing a tATu movie?! tATu!!!

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 1:12 am
No. 25 jujubees says:

Thanks a lot, Jill. I finally managed to block that out. Their music sends me into an irrational rage and I fear the movie with do the same. Frigging, Tatu.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 9:40 am
No. 26 LisaNo.1 says:

Is the music running through your head (running through your head)?

Juje, your ANTM analysis was spot on. I can just see Tyty going, “accress (squenched neck) - model (freakishly elongated so it hurts neck).”

Tyra: Let’s go to the close up. Your eyes are dead. You need to smile with your eyes. You were doing this (slackjaw Tyra face), you need to do *this* (Fierce Tyra face with flared nostrils).

Twiggles: The camera usually loves you. But here, you are just, well, not your best picture.

Simon: You have an incredible body, but you arent showing it off to its potential here. Remember you are sexy, that is who you are. Don’t try to hide it, you need to work with it.

Miss J: Girl, you look like your baby daddy just punched in your stomach and shit on your favorite pair of K Swiss. Straight up trailor trash.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 10:12 am
No. 27 queencrone says:

Wait, did Simon replace Nigel? I would LOVE that.
I’d like to see Simon treat Tyra like he treats Paula.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 10:49 am
No. 28 LisaNo.1 says:

Damn it all, I meant noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker. That is what I get for talking and typing at the same time.

Simon would be awesomly brutal. So.Much.Crying.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 10:58 am
No. 29 queencrone says:

LisaNo.1, you got it right. Simon should replace Twigster. That attitude is what the panel is missing since Janice left.

Posted: Dec 14, 2007 at 12:30 pm
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