World famous pornographer Hugh Hefner, who's somehow convinced everyone that he's better than the common street pimps who do what he does, is being forced to can Playboy staffers in both New York and Los Angeles.
Since Hefner's once reputable magazine went from interviewing people like Malcolm X to interviewing people like Pete Wentz, and since anyone interested in masturbating to pictures now has the Internet for that, Playboy the brand has seen its stock fall precipitously, from $11.40 to $2.85.
This is just the latest blow to the 83-year-old Hef's empire, which has been in a rough patch for quite sometime now. Besides being turned down by falling starlet Lindsay Lohan, it's rumored that Playboy's notorious mansion parties have a tenuous future and that two out of three of Hef's girlfriends, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson, have ditched him for younger men (magician Criss Angel and football player Hank Baskett, respectively).
Whaddya know? Women for whom one pays have no loyalty.
Update: Whoops! Page Six reports today that Hef's final girlfriend, Bridget Marquardt, is now dating Marisa Tomei's ex.
Editor
What? I thought Holly wanted to marry him and have wrinkly little babies waddling around in smoking jackets? Who is she with? Where did you hear this?
As a younger man in Chicago I was an acquaintance of Christie Hefner (CEO) and pitched to her the idea of Hugh Hefner as James Bond or the Dread Pirate Roberts a changing personality of persons groomed for the position who would survive as long as their appeal (intellectually, creatively and otherwise). I was far too young and inexperienced at the time to pull it off and Hef would have never allowed it, but I still believe it would have been better for the brand and I would not have minded the mantle and its responsibilities.
The dread pirate roberts is here for you sooooouuuuulllls!
Couldn't resist - capital idea though.
and, on that note…
"HALLO! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
couldn't resist either.
Someone replace Hef?!? INCONCEIVABLE!
How many comments does it take to hijack this into a Princess Bride post?
Stop this hijacking right now, I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
As you wish.
Tangerine, I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
DROP YOUR SWORD.
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
miserable vomitous mass is probably my favorite phrase from that movie.
however…
"you fell victim to one of the classic blunders. the most famous is never get involved in a land war in asia. Only slightly less well known - never get involved in a battle of wits with a sicilian when death is on the line!"
may not be exact, but…
Rest well and dream of large women.
When I was your age, television was called books.
I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
It just so happens that this tread is only MOSTLY dead.
On topic: I certainly hope that this doesn't mean that Girls Next Door is cancelled!
First McCain backs out of the debate, and now Hef loses his harem. These old guys are crimping my viewing pleasures.
Seriously, I should have held out - I should have been the next Hef.
To blave!
bravo, sar. I think you win.
You could still do it TangerineSpeedo. I think the world is ready for you.
I could be Mary, the loyal old assistant that keeps it all together.
I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!