As we're sure you all know, 'tis the eve of the Sex and the City: The Movie premiere and people are flipping the hell out, dropping everything for the opportunity to be the first one on the cul-de-sac to see if Samantha really dies like all the papers say. (J/K)

Well, not us. How are we supposed to get excited about a movie portraying the lives of characters we would actively avoid were they real people? Then, a light bulb: booze!

We've made this handy-ass SATCTM drinking game in order to help perk up anyone else who's less than thrilled about having to sit through two and a quarter hours of trite sexual innuendo. Take it, some flasks, and a case or two into the theater with you this weekend to get really, truly "Carried" away. And do try to avoid vomiting on someone's pink blouse.

One Drink

• The word "fabulous" is used.

• Samantha talks about how she used to sleep around.

• Miranda says "Brady."

• Carrie smokes.

• Dramatic sigh.

• Any talk of private kindergarten.

Two Drinks

• Charlotte starts getting real overbearing about the wedding plans.

• Carrie remarks, "I love it!"

• Steve's all dopey.

• Anyone makes a deal about Miranda living in Brooklyn.

• Tears of joy.

• Big calls Carrie "kiddo."

Three Drinks

• Tears of sadness.

• Anyone refers to a gay man with a feminine term (girl, princess, etc)

• Every time a Latino person speaks without an accent.

• Celeb cameo! (Four if it's Bloomberg.)

• Any mention of Aidan.

• One of "the ladies" says to Big, "You better not hurt my girl again."

• Jennifer Hudson says something like, "The difference between white women and black women is …"

Four Drinks

• Big gets cold feet.

• There's a black person speaking who is not Jennifer Hudson.

• Anyone besides Miranda actually goes into Brooklyn.

• Disparaging term for women is used.

• Buying things, sex, eating or drinking recommended as valid solutions to a real problem.

• Charlotte talks about how weird it is to be Jewish.

Finish Your Drink

• Muslim cameo!

• Anyone says, "Spending hundreds of dollars just to buy more shoes is fucking stupid," or, "I don't need that."

• Big takes the subway.

• Carrie's editor tells her, "Y'know, this is kind of silly; I'm going to need you to rework it."

• Tears of regret over a life lived shopping and talking about shopping.

• Petrovsky stumbles into a room, drunk on absinthe, and shoots Big in the chest.