Seems 'twas a bad idea to ask for some poetry in the style of Rosie. As a reader pointed out, "that's either an indictment of rosie or her style…maybe both." So, while I appreciate the entrants that did make an attempt, I think declaring a winner might be moot due to lack of competition.
Let's try to make up for yesterday's Rosie failure with a good round of haiku's regarding the bit of Hugh Grant ultra-violence. Note that Hugh is alleged to have hurled some baked beans at a photog before wishing cancer on the man's children. Cheery, no?
Let's see some fantastic haiku-ing, guys. Extra points for working in the phrase "Notting kill." Good luck!
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Mr. Briget Jones?
Truly the "Edge of Reason"
What a waste of food
Baked bean projectile.
"Imma Notting KILL your ass"
Hugh Grant is class-AY
-or-
Baked beans cure cancer
he was just trying to help!
Papz too sensitive.
-or-
Hugh tae-bo'ed his ass,
Anarchy in the UK.
Protect your yarbles!
Aging Brit with no
"Sense or Sensibiliy"
Will serve "nine months" time
lol, OK, that was really bad
Hugh, Mickey blue eyes
beans, beans, good for the heart
Thursday morning news
Charming Englishman
Wishes Cancer upon kids
proceeds to throw beans
Beans may cause cancer
Wait, Hookers cause cancer too!
Hugh Grant is so screwed.
Paparazzi lurk
Beans flew at tormentor
Silent but deadly
Beaned papparazzi
Future malignant child curse
Hugh no smile no more
by Ertarox
You are a pap
Lurched beans headed for your face
Hope they are refried
Hugh will sit in jail
If this was Paris Hilton
They'd let her ass go
As a weapon, beans
Are not such magical fruit
Before they're eaten
Interesting news.
Who knew Boston Market
Was still in business?
Hugh Notting Kill you
Perhaps just fuck you up some
With his blue legumes
(I don't have a clue what that means, but it made me laugh.)
Photographer beaned
Cancer thrown like dollar bills
Hugh is malignant.
Ok…I am breaking the rules… I know this isn't a haiku but i feel that a limerick is very appropriate in this situation…
There once was a sidedish most errant
Hurled in Tupperware thats transparent
a nourishing snack
and good for attack
by Hugh, caught in a snit apparent
…oh god…i…can't…stop….beans? this is so gooooood…
die from cancer kids
i'll bake bean your ass photog
then i'll kick you too
or
this time hugh has lost
he could bounce back from a ho
but not cursing kids
What will Jemima's
snooty family think worse
cancer or yankee beans!
I'm just a papa
razzo standing in front of
a raving madman
Beans are less Divine
for Darcy's second arrest:
Stinkier blow job.
pelted with side dish
can't hear music nor lyrics
beans in ear canal
Beans, beans, hurl those beans
In a rage, to Notting Kill.
Pushed over the edge.
pelt the paps with beans
rage is so savory when
you're mediocre
Hugh Grant is charming?
His farts, had he ate the beans
Would have been hotter.
Hugh-ass hates baked beans
Practices long pass on paps
Aim for Notting Kill
Wishing cancer on his kids,
Hugh screamed at the pap:
"Try hiding in these Bush’s!"
Bush’s Baked Beans, get it?
I just realised my last entry was all wrong; Haiku's are 5-7-5, not 7-5-7 (dammit!) so here's my revised entry (replete with Bush's Baked Beans reference):
Screaming ‘bout cancer,
“Try hiding in these Bush’s!”
Hugh screeched at the pap.
Did Hugh get so upset because the stockarazzi ask him if he talked to Devine Brown lately? or what?
Hugh went Notting kill
On a visit to see Liz.
She invited him?
Hugh Went up a Hill
He took Extreme Measures to
find a Notting Thrill.
or
Devine-ly Denied
Upset About a Boy, Hugh
give Two Weeks Notice.
One time whore patron,
Glorious in his short shorts,
Is just bean tosser.
Silly chap, Hugh Grant
He's both haughty and naughty,
Throwing beans, not bombs!
Watch the baked beans fly
Look out, vile paparazzo!
Your face drips with shame.
(Sorry, couldn't resist!)
–Debbie
Oh, Hugh Grant wake up!
So charmingly befuddled
Your kids have cancer
Baked beans or refried?
wishing cancer upon kids
You've come a long way
fucking take these beans!
hugh clapped the papp-o
knotting hill is mine!
or
have these beans fucker!
hugh takes back knotting hill.
the bulls not happy.
Baked beans! How charming!
Thank God! Not another film…
Fuggeddaboud id!
There's "Mickey Blue Eyes"
throwing beans on "Notting Hill."
Fight with Jemima?
"The Edge of Reason"
Was it Liz Hurley's wedding
that made you flip-out?
Such "Extreme Measures"
to thwart the paparazzi!
No "Love, Actually"
Hugh Grant is lacking
Sense and Sensibility
Divine, Bitter Moon
He hit his target
It's a real shame his acting
isn't so precise
Hasn't the U.S.
had enough of bloody Brits?
Can't they bugger off?
Hugh is an arsehole!
Please kick him in the bullocks!
He's such a plonker!
Paparazzi devem morrer. E é melhor que os seus filhos tenham câncer. Vai saber se um deles (ou todos) resolvem seguir a carreira do pai. Grant deveria ter arremessado merda em vez de feijão.