God forbid people use sex toys! THE HORROR!!

I'm not surprised about the poop stains. What's a little shit on a couch? When it hardens she can fasion it into a lovely coaster for her guests.

Oh the travesty, sex toys. I do think a room you could lock up would be handier than a special hat box that no matter how hard you try and hide it, your 3 year old still finds it.

Why does the onlooker assume the shit stains are from diapers and the dogs? Maybe Britney's into a little hot plate.

Maybe a bit of the corpophagia. Or as I like to call it, cornpoopagia.

juju, have you been listening to Eddie Murphy's "Delirious" again?

"That's not beautiful, it's a piece of shit!"

That was a table. I'm talking just a tiny coaster. Eddie Murphy must have had a golden retriever.

Or my dog. My dogs poops are bigger then London himself. Or herself?

Anyway, Delirious was the shit.

I change my babies on the sofa but then they are also steam cleaned once a week and I don't get poop on them.

Two of her body doubles look like Paris Hilton and Kelly Osborne.

They really do, lale. And none look like Britney.

Is this the thread where we talk about how much we hate Avril Lavigne? Darn.

I say we throw that in there. I have Avril so much I can't even quantify my hate.

They all have way better wigs than Britney. Not one of them has ratty extensions. LIES!

That's ridiculous! How does a supposed "insider" *stumble* into a room that has double locks?? If anyone had such a room, don't you think it would be secured so that someone couldn't just *stumble* into it? Sounds like someone is just making things up–again.

I'm no fan, but get real. Give the girl a break.

She needs to get the right kind of people around her to help her get over whatever addiction(s) she has, and to help her be a better mother to her kids.

If they were stumbling most likely they were drunk.When your drunk tongs look dirty. Tongs are kind of dirty looking.

i kinda buy the sex room, if only because it's all very vanilla, and trying hard to look badass (except the whip which i dont believe for a second she uses). i mean come on, fuzzy handcuffs? wuss.

Fuzz is pretty lame. Who wants fuzz in their cracks. It's just not functional.

Is it wrong that when I read this, I felt a little thrill of hope in the fact that she had it double-locked?

I would have thought she'd leave SP to guard it, cause he's older, while she takes JJ out to pick up frappakeenos and Taco Bell.

Do you think she's rent JJ out? I'd kill for a frappakeeno and apparently Starbucks still won't deliver. A holes.

Depends. Do you have any go-go dancer bikinis and torn fishnets she could borrow? I don't know why. I'd go ask her, but she's crying in the corner with London.

Aw shit, just take him. Who'd notice?

He'd be better off with me here in my trailer. He just has to earn his keep with the occasional Starbucks and lawn mowing.

That would be a walk in the park compared to his life now. It's not easy chauffering Brit back and forth between Carl's Jr and Taco Bell for 19 hours a day, AND still having to crush up her pills while you drive. Not to mention trying to convince her she doesn't look fat.

But if you could just rub a little poop into your sofa cushions, or put out those poo coasters you mentioned, it might help him adjust to life in the new trailer.

But my other children may get jealous. I could just tell them we have to be nice becuase he's a rescue baby.

When he shows up covered in poo and cheeto dust dressed in a dish towel, I think your children might feel more at peace with the jealousy. Plus he can get them frappakeenos too.

What kind of mother do you think I am? Coffee is horrible for children. It just yellows their teeth meaning I need to get them Crest Strips. They only drink red bull.

My little ones get all shaky and cryey when I don't give them coffee. But afterwards I give them Red Bull, so it's okay.

Not much of a sex room, is it? Not even a lousy swing.

no sex ramp either, she needs to take pointers from clooney.

Time to liberate my hips, thighs, back and buttocks from the shackles of horizontality!

my stepsons found a sleek little number I had under the bed…they think its a jewelry cleaner. Yes, that is the best my mexican could come up with on short notice. Either way, it wasn't as bad as the day they were over and accidently stepped on the remote and the dvd started with a girl getting it from behind. Perfect.

ugh, I'm not at all offended by the use of sex toys. I'm offended by the thought of BRITNEY using sex toys.

wow, AA, that great.

i remember snooping around my parents bedroom and finding a huge black dildo under the mattress. at the time, i didn't know what it was, but now that i think about it, it's like "DAMN, mom. NIIIIIICE." (my mom is white and my dad is black, btw.)

that's* great, i mean.

my inability to type is reaching critical mass.

I once found edible underwear in my parents drawer. It had me wretching for days. The only thing worse than that is when I brought my friends so we could laugh at them, they were gone. But it's ok becuase there was some nice porno's. My therapist said there is nothing that can help me after that.

…and one stumbles into a "double-locked" den of iniquity how?….that was "stumbled into" as in drunk and joining the circus of Shitney?