STILL NO NEW IDEAS "First 90210, now … Melrose? The CW and CBS Paramount Network Television are exploring the possibility of creating a new version of Melrose Place, according to a rep for the studio."

• Britney Spears' new single is upon us. It makes our brain hurt, but it's going to be huge, because it's Brit and she didn't shave her head. [PS]

• Pamela Anderson wants to pose nude for Playboy one last time. Um … no. [Yeeeah]

• The going rate for being married to Chris Kattan: $100,000 for less than two months. Not bad. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan took out an "order of protection" against her starved-for-attention father, Michael. Can we do the same thing so we never have to hear from him again? [INO]

• Christina Aguilera is turning into Lady GaGa. [HT]

• 90210's Shenae Grimes is really unlikeable and wants you to stop hating. Duly noted. [ICYDK]

• This guy farted on a cop. [DListed]

• Sharon Stone didn't lose custody of her kids — not that anybody was really concerned in the first place. [INO]

• Nude photos of Salma Hayek skinny-dipping for her latest movie, if that's your thing. [CityRag]

• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel look like the unhappiest couple on earth. [PS]

• 90210 actress Shenae Grimes' reaction to being called too thin? "Shake it off baby!" Um, incorrect. [ICYDK]

• Wait, Jennifer Lopez and Victora Beckham aren't BFFs? But they were holding hands and everything! [Yeeeah]

9(0210) MORE EPISODES "It's back nine for '90210.' In the first full-season order for a freshman series this season, the CW has picked up nine additional episodes of the teen drama, bringing the total order to 22. The much buzzed about '90210' … was the first new fall show to premiere. After a blazing start with a two-hour debut Sept. 2 that was seen by 4.9 million viewers and posted the highest-rated series premiere in the CW's two-year history in women 18-34, adults 18-34 and adults 18-49, the 'Beverly Hills, 90210' spinoff dropped precipitously in its second airing but recovered nicely last week to average 3.3 million viewers."

ALI LOHAN'S TWIN IS STICKING AROUND "After the success of 90210’s first three weeks on the air, the CW network has given a green light to nine more episodes of the remake, making it the first new show of fall to be picked up for an entire season."

Hollywood never ceases to amaze us with the industry's routine absurdity, and this week is no different: In its latest issue, Us Weekly reveals that some of the new 90210 actresses are too thin. But, let's be serious here, there's no way these girls were cast for their acting abilities — the producers obviously picked who would best represent the young and beautiful. The show's leading lady (besides Lucille Bluth, of course), Shenae Grimes, is 5-foot-3 and comes in at an astonishing 90 pounds; co-star Jessica Stroup is 5-foot-8 and 100 pounds. Apparently this is alarming (you think?), so the show's producers and stars are "poised to take action," whatever that means.

Hey, remember the days when the beautiful 90210 girls actually weighed more than a feather? Poor Brenda Walsh would be shunned for being "the fat girl" if she were part of today's high school crew.

I'll admit that I never watched the original 90210 (I know, I know), so the revelation of the father of Kelly's baby really didn't provide much suspense for me. I do, however, know that the original characters are the only reason this new version of the show is mildly popular, and the rest of you are likely on the edge of your computer chairs in anticipation. For the answer, watch the end of the provided clip. (Spoiler alert, obviously.)

Sad news for 90210 fans: Shannon Doherty announced that her character, Brenda Walsh, only filmed four episodes and is unable to stick around for more due to other projects. Um, Shannon? We're not the actors here, but it's probably wise to stick with what works, and Brenda Walsh will always work. This TV pilot you're working on will either a) not get picked up or b) get the axe after one season. If you don't believe us, the series is titled The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon. That says enough.

To see how she did on the pilot episode of the new 90210, watch at left.

Shane West showed up at the launch of the Nylon magazine TV issue, and he was sporting an unfortunate new hair cut. Remember when he used to be slightly good-looking? The great news is the cast of 90210 also showed up, further cementing their path on the road to quickly becoming has-beens.

CONTINUED »

• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]

• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]

• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]

• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]

• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]

BRATS IN BEVERLY HILLS BEAT BRATS IN MANHATTAN "The famous zip is still hip. Young auds returned to '90210' on Tuesday, as CW's update of the iconic Fox sudser 'Beverly Hills 90210' set network records for a premiere. In its debut, according to preliminary Nielsen estimates, '90210' averaged a 2.6 rating/7 share in adults 18-49 and 4.9 million viewers overall, winning in the net's target demo of adults 18-34 (3.0/9) as well as women 18-34 (4.3/12). And in a good sign, '90210' built its audience a bit from its first hour to its second."

There was something off about last night's premiere of the new 90210, but I couldn't put my finger on it. While it wasn't necessarily bad — I'll definitely watch again, because my standards for television are quite low — I spent most of the two-hour show rolling my eyes. It may have something to do with the fact that the main character is a dead ringer for Ali Lohan.

Did anyone else watch? Care to review the premiere?

As if it wasn't bad enough that the only black kid on the new 90210 is adopted – because "those people" don't get into Beverly Hills otherwise – they then went and made him really, really good at lacrosse! Who's writing this show, Barack Obama's racist grandmother, the notorious elitist?

New Kids on the Block, a group composed entirely of men well into their 30s, releases its first album in 14 years today. Tonight, the new version of 90210 premieres. Which of these 90s phenoms is going to crash and burn here in 2008? One, the other, or both?

The CW's unwillingness to screen its Beverly Hills 90210 remake pretty much confirms exactly what you'd assumed but had hoped would be incorrect: the show's going to be worse than Dylan McKay's childhood. Rest easy for now, Gossip Girl.

• The new 90210 promo seems fresh and innovative. Just kidding, it's more of the same. [DListed]

• Sienna Miller's mother thinks we're all terrible people. Hey, we're not the ones who raised her. [Yeeeah]

• We get that Selma Blair is in costume, but … no. [HT]

• Um, DMX was arrested. Again. We have no words. [ICYDK]

• Nicole Richie gives Ashlee Simpson tips on mothering and, we're assuming, how to lose all that pregnancy weight. [PS]

• Police have said there wasn't enough evidence to convict Christian Bale of assault. That's what we like to hear. [INO]

HOW THE OLD GUY GOT REHIRED "'Nat! My gosh. It was such an accident,' [the new 90210 executive producer] said. 'Someone said they saw Nat in a store, so I called casting and told them, let's see if he'd like to do it. He was ecstatic.'"

Rejoice, Peach Pit purists!

Multiple sources confirm to me exclusively that [Shannon] Doherty is currently engaged in formal talks to — wait for it, wait for it — reprise her role of Brenda Walsh on The CW's breathlessly anticipated 90210 update!
…
… the producers behind el nuevo 90210 recently met with the tempestuous tabloid mainstay to gauge her interest in returning to the zip code from which she was banished in 1994. And by all accounts, she is interested. "But," whispers an insider with close ties to the reboot, "she wants to know what the story is going to be first." She also wants more money than they're apparently offering.

Also rumored to be standing in the way of Doherty's return is real-life rich kidTori Spelling, with whom Doherty has been feuding for years now. Though we know very little about both Spelling and Doherty, we're on Doherty's side, but only because we've always had a weird thing for women who are mean and crazy.