Reportedly displeased with girlfriend Drew Barrymore's excessive drinking, Justin "Mac" Long dumped her and went looking for greener, more sober pastures; so it makes little sense that he's stopped to graze on noted alcohol enthusiast Kirsten Dunst.
Long and Dunst were recently spotted together at LA's Sunset Junction music festival, "making out hardcore" in the margarita line.
Courtenay Semel, Lindsay's ex and the latest to "win" a shot at love with Tila Tequila, stole her share of the limelight this week in Vegas when she was charged with battery. Apparently Courtenay had a bit too much to drink at Pure nightclub and decided it would be a great idea to slap a security guard in the back of his head.
To be fair, if we were dating Tila we, too, would be drunk and angry all the time.
In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Jessica Simpson has decided to pimp out some random brand of beer called Stampede. Of course that's what it's called. If you're going to return to your Texas roots, you might as well go all the way. (Although we're surprised she didn't go with Lone Star instead.)
And if that cheesy picture isn't enough to make you want to run out and buy a 12-pack, here's what Jess has to say: "I work out and take care of myself. But I also like a cold beer once in a while. That's why I made the smart choice with a smart beer." Fail.
New information about Hayden Panettiere's father's early morning arrest: Both Alan Panettiere and his wife, Lesley, were drunk when Alan punched her twice in the face with a closed fist after a night out at Beso, Eva Longoria's restaurant. Also, the violence may have been prompted by Lesley "chatting up" Clint Eastwood's son, Scott Reeves, leaving Alan feeling – in his words – "disrespected."
• We need to print this drunken celebrity collage so we can frame it to hang in the living room. [CityRag]
• The cast of Grey's Anatomy is back to filming. That includes Katherine Heigl, unfortunately. [PS]
• The models who hand out the Emmy Awards will be clothed in Lauren Conrad's line. This has officially gotten out of hand. [INO]
• Two girls kissing has lost its shock value thanks to Madonna and Britney (not to mention drunken college girls), but we give Aubrey O'Day an A for effort. [DListed]
• 50 Cent got his son back with a minimum amount of drama. [ICYDK]
• The Brangelina Wonder Twins were not conceived via in vitro fertilization. Thank goodness that was cleared up. [Yeeeah]
Start your day off with some brutal awkwardness here, where you can listen to what happens when a radio DJ interviewing recovering junkie/alcoholic Robert Downey Jr about his new film, Tropic Thunder, asks him who he'd most like to "have a brew and smoke a blunt with." Oh boy! (Answer: "I think it would be regrettable if I did that.") It just gets worse from there.
LA Times writer Eric P. Lucas has had enough of the Heath Ledger hype and wrote a strongly-worded article to argue otherwise. Except instead of convincing everyone that the Oscar buzz is unnecessary, he makes the fatal mistake of insulting Heath and sending his diehard fans into an angry frenzy.
Each year more than 100,000 Americans die of alcohol or drug abuse. It would be madness to commemorate one such death with the greatest honor in cinema. Please give the Academy Award to someone who's had the courage to stick around.
But Lucas isn't just angry at Heath for his extracurricular activities: He simply thinks the Joker's performance isn't Oscar-worthy, labeled as "a can-can dance of snuffling pseudo-psychopathia" that has "all the subtlety of a hangover." Lucas says it's exactly what he'd expect from "someone who headed home every night to a pill party."
The entire article is filled with harsh words, but there's no real substance. So Eric wasn't that impressed by Heath's performance ??? millions of others were, and not just because he died. The hype began before his death. And, for the record, fans are allowed to be sad by Heath's untimely end, whether it was his fault or not. To imply otherwise is ridiculous and a cry for attention.
DENY, DENY, DENY "Shia LaBeouf may have been arrested for DUI after Sunday's car accident ??? but Transformers director Michael Bay insists the actor was not impaired. 'He was not drunk,' Bay tells Access Hollywood in an interview slated to air Friday. 'He was drinking hours and hours before.'"
Drugs and alcohol: making people do stuff they probably shouldn't since forever.
A German paper – yes, ze stoic Germanz are celebrity-obsessed, too! – is reporting that quirky junkie Pete Doherty openly consumed drugs and alcohol at a recent performance in Spain before ending his set with a good old-fashioned Nazi salute (pictured). Heyo!
Doherty's mother is half Jewish, so we assume he's being ironic, but who knows? Our brother once did so much acid he thought he was a spider going down the drain, causing him to violently yank down the shower curtain and weep and weep. Perhaps Petey really thought he was Goebbels with a guitar.
By the by, the paper titled this photo "Pete Doherty Hitlergruss." (Translation appreciated.)
We knew there was quite a bit of fiction to Amy Winehouse's rep's claim that the singer was hospitalized Monday night due to a reaction to her anti-drug medication. Luckily for us, Mitch Winehouse, Amy's father, is around to feed us even more lies.
See, his theory on the drug addict's latest hospital visit is that her drink was spiked with ecstasy by a random person. But why stop there? It could have been a ghost ??? or perhaps a bird flew by and dropped something in the drink. The possibilities are endless! Anyway, he called the police to make sure they knew about the situation, at which point the cops presumably laughed in his face.
Good luck on your hunt for the perpetrator, Mitch. While you're at it, why don't you go look for the person who got your daughter wasted on booze and (most likely) drugs this past weekend and forced her to stumble around town barefoot?
Shia LaBeouf finally graduated from smoking in restricted areas and getting drunk at Walgreens to actual DUIs, and what better way to celebrate than with a perfectly timed Details cover? The interview, which took place before Shia's latest run-in with the law, details his childhood hobbies, also enjoyed by his father:
We would drink together and smoke together and it's just a bad deal. It's not something that is conducive to being a role model ??? no iconic actors that I know of have problems like that. And I don't know how to do it like a gentleman. I don't know how to have one drink.
So while I think it's absurd he won't be held responsible by the California legal system, I still hold out hope that he is self-aware enough to get himself the help he obviously needs. Of course, I'm a dreamer.
More details are emerging about country singer Mindy McCready's recent admittance to a rehab facility, and it's not looking pretty. Apparently Mindy's three-month relationship with an unidentified man resulted in an unwanted pregnancy — until she miscarried on July 16. Mindy's "emotional reaction" (a suicide attempt?) to the miscarriage triggered her trip to the emergency room of a Nashville hospital. Her current stint in rehab is for ???alcohol, substance abuse and emotional issues, with the emotional issues being at the top of the list.???
But just in case anyone was mistaken that the media is focused on getting Mindy the help she needs, please note the last sentence of Access Hollywood's report: "A reality show revolving around McCready also is reportedly in the planning stages."
• Introducing our new favorite thing: Drunk-o-vision. [CityRag]
• The new Amy Winehouse wax statue isn't that accurate, seeing as how it leaves out the filth and blood. [ICYDK]
• Matthew Broderick is cheating on Sarah Jessica Parker. This is according to Star, so take it or leave it. [Yeeeah]
• Madonna's on the verge of a breakdown. Unfortunately, it won't be near as entertaining as Britney Spears' shenanigans. [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan plays a waitress on the set of Ugly Betty. She should probably get as much practice as possible, considering her tendency to destroy her acting career. [PS]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal doesn't read Mollygood. [INO]
GOOD FRIENDS "Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. … Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire on Jan. 18. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles."
• Diddy takes to YouTube to announce his discovery that he has 10 fingers and 10 toes. [DListed]
• Rumor has it someone secretly filmed Madonna and A-Rod having sex. Too bad that person won't be able to enjoy all that money he's going to receive from behind bars. [INO]
• The paparazzi are still chasing around Ashley Dupre for reasons unknown. [HT]
• Why Drew Barrymore and Justin Long split: "Justin gently suggested to Drew that they both slow down on the drinking, and she didn???t take it well. Drew believes she has control over her drinking." We've heard that one before. [Yeeeah]
• Pictures of Brad and Angelina cuddling on a hospital roof — except they're so blurry it could be some random hobos off the street, for all we know. [PS]
• Lindsay Lohan's new line of leggings is already sold out? Really? Really? [ICYDK]
NO WORRIES, NEONATAL HERPES IS VERY RARE "'She???s not drinking. It???s the first time I???ve never seen her do that.' Above source is a firsthand, regular and up close observer of Paris Hilton and her horniness, hotness and sometimes tankedlicious goings on. Said insider???s been posing and preening right alongside Ms. H at a few recent T-town soirees. Gosh, is this the new, freshly domesticated Mrs.-Madden-to-be Paris or Paris the teetotalist, perhaps (for whatever reason)? Or, to get very National Enquirer about it (as if there were any diff here at A.T., I mean, really), could this possibly be the new preggers Paris?"