GOOD ONE, 'FRIEND' "You heard Alex Rodriguez was in the audience at Madonna's L.A. show Thursday. Now we hear he's thinking about following the divorcing Mrs. Ritchie to South America next month when she tours Brazil, Chile and Argentina. 'Maybe she'll teach Alex some songs from Evita,' quipped a friend."
Yankees d-bag Alex Rodriguez and musical d-bag Madonna had a "meeting of the minds," if you will, last week at Jerry Seinfeld's mansion in the Hamptons. And, because these two losers can't do anything quietly, it was a huge James Bond-like production.
A chopper carrying the Yankee slugger was seen landing in East Hampton, where he was picked up in a white Porsche 911 matching the description of Jessica [Seinfeld]'s car. Less than 40 minutes later, another helicopter that took off from Chelsea Piers with Madonna aboard landed at the same airstrip.
'A dark SUV and Jerry in another Porsche both pulled up and picked up Madonna and they headed back to Jerry's place,' a witness told us. … 'About four hours later, the dark SUV left the house and took them all back to the airport.'
We did not need to know any of this. Seriously, the images haunting our mind right now are worse than that freaky clown from a few posts below.
[Source]
So here I am, sitting in my living room suffering through an episode of Real Chance of Love (it's all for the good of Reality Bytes!) when Michael Phelps slides across my screen with no pants à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. There is a Xenu!
Upon further investigating, I discovered that he was picked up alongside Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk and Mr. Madonna himself, Alex Rodriguez, to promote the new Guitar Hero: World Tour. Out of all the ridiculous commercials Michael's starred in since the Olympics, this one is by far the best. (And, admittedly, most disturbing.)
You're the world's biggest pop star, in the middle of a global tour, and all you want to do is avoid the press so you can spoon with your new Major League Baseball playing boyfriend. Such is the thicket of Madonna's life. Except standing in the way of these grand plans is the obnoxious press, filled with their anonymously sourced items painting you as the self-absorbed persona you practically branded yourself from the beginning. So just who is leaking all your personal details to the media?
GUY RITCHIE IN TEARS OVER T-SHIRT "Guy Ritchie is 'in pieces' after seeing a photo of his son Rocco in a T-shirt supporting Alex Rodriguez's New York Yankees baseball team, a source tells Usmagazine.com. The 8-year-old was photographed sporting the shirt Monday in New York City. 'He's actually been crying over it,' says the source on the set of Ritchie's upcoming drama Sherlock Holmes."
Madonna is still considered by some to be a 20-century pop icon, and those devoted fans are the same type of people who will spend $13.99 on the latest 2009 material girl calendar. The 12 months feature all of Madge's different styles and faces from over the years, making it a perfect holiday gift for anyone considering plastic surgery. (Click through for pictures.)
In other news, Madonna's son Rocco caused a ruckus when he wore a NY Yankees shirt to the Chelsea Piers gym this week. We would normally chalk it up to a typical Manhattan kid supporting his favorite sports team, but this is Madonna's son we're talking about — she calculates everything and has total control over what he puts on (or in) his body. That's cold, Madge.
Summer, the season of slow news in New York, was revitalized this year with scandal of all scandals: Rumors of Madonna stepping out on Guy Ritchie to enjoy a secret affair with Yankees all-star Alex Rodriguez. The New York tabloids had a field day, bouncing between denials from Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg and tips from Madonna's doormen about A-Rod sightings. Meanwhile, Ritchie flew from London to New York so the couple could be seen doing normal things, like dining for the paparazzi, flaunting their children for the paparazzi, and loving each other for the paparazzi. Most saw through the charade. Then gossips in London began leaking details of on-going spats between the famous married couple, and how they basically led separate lives already, sleeping in different beds and, often, separate cities. And then yesterday came the penultimate headline: Britain's The Sun claimed a divorce was imminent. And today? Confirmation. Except the timing is all wrong, or so we imagined.
THIS IS SO THREE MONTHS AGO "Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com. They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back. 'They seemed very close.'"
• Jessica Simpson continues to make weird faces while she sings. [HT]
• Diddy steps in dog poop. There is a Xenu! [DListed]
• Nobody calls John Mayer anymore, poor thing. [PS]
• Oprah filmed a guest stint on 30 Rock. If she's not giving away free stuff, we don't care. [INO]
• Alex Rodriguez and his ex-wife amicably settled their divorce case. Well, that was boring. [ICYDK]
• Pamela Anderson is the queen of aging gracefully. [Yeeeah]
[Source]
BENEVOLENT PHILANDERING "Something good may come out of Madonna's liaison with Alex Rodriguez. The Yankee slugger is making a big donation to the icon's charity, Raising Malawi, a source tells us. 'They've asked him for a million dollars, and I hear he's agreed to give at least $500,000,' the source confided."
Cynthia Rodriguez looks like she means business, and that attitude is carrying over into her divorce case with baseball player Alex. Although the two signed a prenuptial agreement, Cynthia has now decided she wants half of A-Rod's money earned during the couple's time together. Oh, and he can throw in a $12 million waterfront estate while he's at it.
While naming no figure, she petitioned for alimony and child support, including such benefits as life and health insurance and private schools — suggesting she be able to maintain the 'high standard of living' A-Rod has provided his family so far.
The good news for Alex is that the divorce is taking place in Florida, so he doesn't have to explain why his marriage is "irretrievably broken." We're sure Madonna is breathing a sigh of relief as well.
[Source]
Now that Yankee swordsman Alex Rodriguez has inked a deal with the William Morris Agency to continue his career in more "creative" ways, where do you think he'll turn up next? Are guys that fuck other guys' wives while also cheating on their own wives better actors or reality show centerpieces? Our call: ESPN reality program in which doofy armchair quarterbacks compete in weekly challenges to be A-Rod's assistant. Bob Costas would guest host and also help Rodriguez choose who "gets cut" from the team, until just the victor remains. (Jesus, it's frightening how easy it is to think up TV shows that could actually be very successful.)
• Diddy takes to YouTube to announce his discovery that he has 10 fingers and 10 toes. [DListed]
• Rumor has it someone secretly filmed Madonna and A-Rod having sex. Too bad that person won't be able to enjoy all that money he's going to receive from behind bars. [INO]
• The paparazzi are still chasing around Ashley Dupre for reasons unknown. [HT]
• Why Drew Barrymore and Justin Long split: "Justin gently suggested to Drew that they both slow down on the drinking, and she didn’t take it well. Drew believes she has control over her drinking." We've heard that one before. [Yeeeah]
• Pictures of Brad and Angelina cuddling on a hospital roof — except they're so blurry it could be some random hobos off the street, for all we know. [PS]
• Lindsay Lohan's new line of leggings is already sold out? Really? Really? [ICYDK]
Ever wondered how Alex Rodriguez is dealing with all the media speculation surrounding his divorce and rumored affair with Madonna? Well, he brought in relationship expert Shaquille O'Neal to dish out advice last night during A-Rod's All-Star Week party at NYC's 40/40. Apparently the two were huddled together looking "pretty intense" during the party, where the DJ was sure to play lots of Madonna tracks.
But don't feel sorry for poor Alex — he held his head high and made sure security made a clean sweep before he visited the bathroom, even pulling one guy out of a stall. You can't keep a good d-bag down.
[Source]
Bonnie Fuller, queen wasp of the wretched hive that is the tabloid world, shares this news in Advertising Age today: Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's very public love affair, which tore apart the latter's marriage, has been going on for more than half a year. Also – and if this is true it's unbelievably insidious – the whole thing might be little more than a publicity ploy in which Rodriguez is getting played!
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GOOD CATHOLIC VALUES "The Material Girl's little brother Christopher Ciccone isn't buying into the talk that she's behind the breakup of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez. 'I think it's highly unlikely,' Ciccone told ABC's Deborah Roberts in an interview on Good Morning America Monday. 'Despite everything else, she's still a Catholic girl.'"
Some Toronto Blue Jays fans gave a whole lot of grief to Alex Rodriguez, Madonna's disgraced boy toy, in Canada on Friday night. God help him when he gets to Fenway.
[Source]
Dogpile! Now that media outlets around the country are scrambling for stories about Alex Rodriguez's shattered personal life, no matter how unfounded they might be, strippers on shadowy, dollar-littered stages across this great United States are sashaying forth and bragging that they, too, fucked the married Yankee.
Exotic dancer Candice Houlihan, at left, says she had a loveless, two-night fling with A-Rod in Boston in 2004. And in Detroit, a strip club bartender recently called into a local radio show to claim that A-Rod used to fly one of her colleagues around the country for sex.
Yay, national pastime!
Editor
