We finally figured out who it is Andy Dick resembles in his latest mugshot. Not surprisingly, it's another out of work actor, the Noid.

Remember last month when Andy Dick was arrested outside of a California Buffalo Wild Wings after he groped a 17-year-old girl and police found drugs in his pockets? Now it seems he's going to get a taste of celebrity justice, thanks to the Riverside County DA's announcement that the sexual battery charges will be dropped. Looks like Andy will soon be free to once again live up to his name.

THIS FREAKIN' GUY This new groping charge reminded me that I have a good buddy from college who claims a very wasted Andy Dick once beckoned him to sit next to him at a club in LA. My friend says that he hadn't been seated for more than a minute before Dick reached over and jammed his index finger down his jeans and into the crack of his ass. When my friend jumped away like a startled cat, Dick laughed and, without hesitation, stirred his drink with the digit that had moments before been in a butt.

When we think of Andy Dick, we never picture him sober or acting in a way that is acceptable in society. So news that he was arrested early this morning outside of a California Buffalo Wild Wings and charged with drug possession and sexual battery (groping a 17-year-old) really comes as no surprise.

The 42-year-old not-so-funny man is still in custody with bail set at $5,000. Good luck finding someone willing to pay that.

In the old days when masturbation was widely considered bad, there used to be a number of implements designed to prevent sexual arousal in males. They all basically amounted to constricting cages, though some of the more Draconian ones were spiked (Geez!).

Anyway, every time I see Kim Kardashian I feel a bit nostalgic for things like that, because having a crush on her is as evil as your great grandmother thought jerking off was, and just as hard to avoid—yes, even in the wake of the sex tape.

What I really wish is that I could have been sitting between these two at this Andy Dick show they're heading into. The experience would have been such a disgusting cocktail of self-absorption and obnoxious buffoonery that it would have worked like the torture scene in Clockwork Orange and effectively turned me off all three.

The only downside is that I could never again watch NewsRadio without vomiting, but it would be worth it.

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That proverbial train wreck Andy Dick was forcibly removed from Jimmy Kimmel's set recently after he got too grabby with Ivanka Trump. How this dude has avoided court ordered rehab is beyond me, especially considering that he's always flipping the hell out.

Quick aside: the other night, Andy Dick sneaked up to my friend at a bar, slipped his finger into his butt-crack at a bar and then stirred his drink with it. EWWWWWWWWWWW!

PS The security team at Jimmy Kimmel Live might be the least intimidating heavies around.They look like they're gonna throw their backs out at any minute.

In the face of FCC regulations that can probably best be described as Orwellian, MTV is proving that they have balls the size of cantaloupes by doing a live broadcast of an event that will definitely be attended by the following: Paris Hilton, Andy Dick, Real World flunkies, someone who will use "party" as a verb on stage, vodka, pills and cocaine. People are all stoked 'cause Mark Burnett's producing it:

[MTV] said Thursday that the Emmy-winning [Mark Burnett] has signed on to executive produce the 2007 MTV Movie Awards, which for the first time ever will air live.

This marks a return to the network for Burnett, who started his career at MTV with "Eco-Challenge" in the mid-1990s.

"I feel like I'm at home with MTV," he said. "I'm a huge MTV fan — I love the Video Music Awards and the Movie Awards," so the opportunity to exec produce the show was one he couldn't pass up, he said.

MTV president Christina Norman said the new partnership between Burnett and MTV came about after the network approached him to see if he would be interested in exec producing the Movie Awards.

"We were thinking about new names, someone with energy, and Mark was a natural," she said. "He's somebody who makes great television that audiences respond to. We were thrilled when he returned our phone call."

We'll see how "thrilled" everyone is once the Jackass dudes show up with snakes, working on a whiskey binge and three hours of sleep. That's when "thrilled" becomes "seething regret." Let's PARTY!

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• If you're in Chicago, go see K-Fed for free tonight. Please. Please go and tell me about it. [TMZ]

• Just thinking about Pete Doherty's personal hygiene makes my skin crawl. [DListed]

• "He's a Mac" wants to leave commercials and return to his "movie career." [BWE]

• Every once in a while Andy Dick still makes funny. [PopSugar]

• Jessica Simpson is a Jezebel. [Yeeeah]

• Russell Crowe moves from one bad band name to another. Band itself stays exactly the same amount of bad. [Junkiness]

• A paparazzo hurt Madonna? Jerk. [A Socialite's Life]

• Mmmm, sigh. [CityRag]

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan premiered in Hollywood, bringing out the funnies like Sasha Baron Cohen's girlfriend Isla Fisher who wasn't going to let her boyfriend's silly antics stop her from dressing up all pretty at his movie premiere, Will Ferrell, Rainn Wilson of The Office, Cheryl Hines of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Andy Dick with his trophy son he parades around everywhere these days, and Chris Kattan of Corky Romano (in my heart). Kanye West, whose fiance displayed perhaps the worst use of leggings I've seen since my own huskier late-elementary school days, was also out to catch the comedic shit show.

20th Century Fox, in trying to figure out how many eggs to put in Borat's crazy basket and not sure if the Internet hype will lead to box office gold or Snakes on a Plane, is opening the film on fewer screens than expected. Variety reports:

But Fox maintains standard tracking methodology doesn't apply. "This is a new genre of movie," said Jeffrey Godsick, exec VP of marketing for 20th Century Fox. "The awareness is beginning with a targeted audience. When you are breaking a new kind of genre, not everyone knows what to make of it."

And laffers are the hardest films to handicap through tracking: Hits like "There's Something About Mary" and "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" performed better and longer than tracking numbers indicated they would.

Worried that "Borat" could become a phenomenon, rival distrib execs weren't eager to program against it.

The studio is setting up a slower rollout than originally expected. Pic will bow on around 800 screens — fewer than many expected — Nov. 3, and then broaden to a nationwide release as reviews circulate and awareness builds.

A rival studio distribution exec, who attended a recent "Borat" screening that was part of the buzz-building Los Angeles Blackcarpet screening series organized by MySpace.com, described audience reaction as nothing less than manic. Lines snaked around the block. Kids, dressed in Borat garb, took to a mic positioned in front of the auditorium to do their best impersonations.

Some skeptics pointed to the Internet-hyped "Snakes on a Plane" as a reason for caution, but others noted that while "Snakes" was slammed by critics, "Borat" has received glowing notices so far.

Either way, if you are a teenager, know teenagers, have friends who still act like teenagers, expect to get sick of their mediocre Borat impressions very, very quickly.

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Finally, Gallery of the Absurd has come up with a "celebrity" endorsement perfectly fitted to Andy Dick's expertise. The only problem would be that instead of "disinfecting" you, it would probably "give you many many communicable diseases."

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I got a special treat for you today: two clips from the upcoming (but already happened in real life) Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner. Both of the bits are interruped by mothingf-ing crazy man Andy Dick, who both terrifies and fascinates me, especially since he bit a Page Six reporter at this event. Also, I lived most of my college career convinced one of my best friends licked his nipple at a club only to find out many years later that it was a lie. Ha-HA, you are so outed.

Above we have the always hilarious Patton Oswalt and after the jump is a great clip from George Takei's bit. That Motorboatin' Sonuvabitch. My loved nerdbots will appreciate these two bits greatly. Again, both clips involved Andy Dick's tongue and people's faces. Cocaine's a helluva drug.

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Despite learning that yesterday's excitement at the Scientology Celebrity Center was just preparations for the religion's anniversary celebration (or so they say), it's still fun to wonder about the TomKat nuptuals. Let me remind you of this MTV VMA skit, starring Andy Dick, parodying what this wedding has the potential to be like. Kooky spaceship and all. It's probably the funniest project Dick has been involved with in years.

The secret to the American president's eloquence may just lie in the hands of Andy Dick. Or at least it does in this sketch. And maybe should in real life. Hell, Arianna Huffington thinks so.