Ack, no! Barack Obama, after all that ScarJo nonsense, one would hope that you would have learned not to allow B+ celebrities to market themselves via your campaign.
So why is professional chucklehead Ashton Kutcher and his cougar wife Demi Moore in a viral video (ugh) for Vote for Change, the registration initiative that you started?
File this under: Icky. Rumer Willis recently confessed to having posters of now-stepdad Ashton Kutcher covering her bedroom walls when she was a teenager.
It was strange when mom [Demi Moore] started seeing Ashton in 2003. I was 15 and he was a real heartthrob — I had pictures of him on my wall! I remember mom saying her new 'friend' was going to hang out with us. I said, 'What's his name?' And she goes, 'Ashton.'
And I said, 'Whoa - Ashton Kutcher?' I freaked out a bit and blushed. When he came round, though, it wasn't awkward. I realized I'd never seen my mother happier. It was like watching two 16-year-olds going to the prom!
That's probably because, at the time, Ashton was young enough to attend high school prom. Demi, on the other hand, still looked exactly the same, thanks to a lot of plastic surgery and botox.
Further proving the theory that most people successful in traditional media are like monkeys faced with calculus when it comes to the Internet, Ashton Kutcher, actor and reality show producer, and his production company, Katalyst Media, give us Blah Girls.
Part gossip blog, part episodic comedy program, Blah Girls attempts to dally in the difficult position between mocking celebrity culture and heralding it. In the videos, the Girls prattle on about Hollywood rumors while frequently interjecting the conversation with crude jokes; in the blog, the Girls attach one-liners to famous photos of the day; and oh how terrible it all is.
Justin Timberlake insists he doesn't think of himself as a fashion icon, but does feel the need to take responsibility for one of the most annoying trends of all time:
It's funny, I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible for trucker caps. [My best friend and I] were wearing them when we were seventeen.
We don't think that was all you, Justin, but you did bring back the d-bag trend. You'll always have that.
• Best "Afternoon Aural" in a long time. [Queerty]
• Heather Mills will be a contestant on next season's Celebrity Apprentice. Because a $50 million divorce settlement can't buy a person the common sense to not be on a reality show. [DListed]
• When in Rome, film commercials you'd be embarrassed to film in America. [PS]
• "There was a definite shift in my life when I decided to [dye my hair red]." Amy Adams, an actress, actually said that. [INO]
• Ashton Kutcher says he is not opposed to adopting a child. We certainly hope adoption agencies are opposed to letting Ashton Kutcher adopt a child. [ICYDK]
• Teeny-tiny girls in high heels! Thanks, Beyonce, you maniac. [Yeeeah]
• Mickey Rourke has a posse. [CityRag]
Last night was the LA premiere of What Happens In Vegas, and Bai Ling decided it would be appropriate to show up in an outfit that might happen in your grandmother's attic.
[Source]
CAMERON HOSPITALIZED? "Cameron Diaz is seeking medical attention after the sudden death of her beloved father, according to her What Happens In Vegas co-star Ashton Kutcher. … He told a WENN photographer, 'Sadly she will not be joining us for the premiere as she has just lost her father and is under medical attention with stress at the moment. But she will be better soon.'"
Adnan Ghalib and Kathy Griffin went shopping at Victoria's Secret on Rodeo Drive yesterday. If you can't tell it's a set-up, then you are beyond hope.
And Kathy: Really? We knew you were desperate, but this is just depressing.
[Source]
Who's the proud owner of this new tattoo?
Update: You guessed it. The tat, reading "the rice is fried in pork fat," is a fake. Seems Ashton is getting desperate. CONTINUED »
• Demi Moore has a great new beauty treatment: Allowing leeches to prey on her. Which works out nicely, since she's with Ashton Kutcher. [PS]
• Amy Winehouse cleaned up her act! Just kidding, she looks like hell. [DListed]
• Priscilla Presley's face is all messed up because it was injected with "silicone used to lubricate auto parts." We're going to pretend that's also what happened to Jocelyn Wildenstein. [TMZ]
• Genealogists believe Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie and Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt. You know who else they say Barack is related to? George Bush. [Yahoo]
• Britney knows talent when she sees it: American Idol contestant Kristy Lee Cook, this season's Sanjaya, was signed to Spears' label many years ago and was even mentored by the pop star. We can see that worked out. [INO]
• Denise Richards legally dropped Sheen as her last name; still no word on what she did with her dignity. [Us]
Ashton Kutcher's new show, Pop Fiction, was created to turn the tables on the tabloids, but magazine editors aren't buying it. Apparently Life & Style stalkers staffers are so observant they can spot Ashton's shenanigans right away, so — unless Britney turns out to have been sane this whole time — the joke has fallen flat.
It's mostly a lot of D-listers we don't care about. [We] wouldn't cover anyone on that show — with the exception of Avril. This show won't go anywhere. No one is watching it.
In Hollywood, anytime anyone decides to be in on the joke and critique themselves, no one cares. It's not having the effect they thought it would. No one can sympathize with celebs. They're always in on it themselves, whether they're pulling the joke or not.
We're not surprised by this development, but nobody is believing that the mags don't care about anyone except Avril, seeing as how Paris and Eva have graced many a cover. Don't act like you're above them, tabs. No one's buying it.
[Source]
Pop Fiction's latest prank included Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez, as we originally suspected. But what we didn't anticipate was Eva's terrible cackling laugh — if that can't keep the paps away, no Ashton Kutcher-produced prank ever will.
Pop Fiction, the reality show promoted by our dear Mollygood spammers, seems to have peaked during its first episode. The premiere, which featured paparazzi pranks by Paris Hilton and Avril Lavigne, wasn't all that exciting, but upcoming episodes seem lamer than we thought possible.
Here is a scene from the latest prank, which shows Mario Lopez presenting pal Eva Longoria with a ridiculously expensive Cartier necklace. Hilarious, considering the paps and media didn't really seem to care much about it at all. Good one, Ashton.
[Source]
• Check out Kobe throwing a towel in that woman's face! Humiliating and hilarious. [DListed]
• Apparently, Ashton Kutcher still "acts." Who knew? [PS]
• Carmen Electra doing what she does: sitting, smiling and exposing. [HT]
• Who is keeping Ghost Whisperer on the air, and is Ghost Whisperer their only friend? [INO]
• "Mary Kate Olsen's Awful Plastic Surgery" [CityRag]
• Carrie Bradshaw was a total copycat! [ICYDK]
• "Big Butts En Vogue in Ivory Coast" [SH]
America's most annoying black woman and America's most annoying white man are putting aside their racial and gender differences and focusing their irritating demeanors onto a singular reality project, today's most annoying form of entertainment.
Ex-model Tyra Banks and ex-model Ashton Kutcher are set to spew forth an unscripted project for ABC sometime soon, and, boy, does it sound fucking annoying.
The as-yet-untitled project will feature contestants competing in a beauty pageant. Naturally there's a twist, but the network has requested that the concept remain under wraps because the show hasn't started production.
Will this finally be the reality show that executes the losers' loved ones rather than letting them die of shame? Tune in!
A bartender serving drinks at punker Ashton Kutcher's birthday party at Manhattan "hot spot" Socialista on February 7 has tested positive for Hepatitis A. The New York City Health Department says all guests in attendance could have contracted the virus and should be properly vaccinated. Besides Kutcher and his wife, Demi Moore, at risk are Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek and Bruce Willis.
Hepatitis A is borne mostly through food or drinks contaminated with the feces of an infected person. Lucky for Madonna, Kutcher and Moore, their constant intake of Kabbalah bullshit ensures they have a high tolerance for this sort of thing. The others should seek treatment immediately.
[Source]
Forbes released a list of Hollywood's most influential couples — and we have some issues with it.
Who shouldn't be on the list: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Seriously? The only thing that couple influences is our desire to vomit. And then there's Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, who we thought broke up three years ago.
Who should be on the list: Britney Spears and frappuccinos. If those two don't go the distance, there's no hope for any of us.
The full list, after the jump. CONTINUED »
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