Well, let's discuss the good news first: As of this very moment, there are no plans for a Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt reality show.
The bad news: There will be a Hills spin-off — focusing on Lauren Conrad's friend and co-worker Whitney Port, who has publicly said she would never move in with Lauren because she can't handle the cameras being around at all times.
MTV is prepping a show in which Whitney Port, 23, becomes bicoastal while working for fashion PR firm People’s Revolution — and befriends a group of NYC gals (including socialite Olivia Palermo).
Says the insider: 'There will be more blondes in the city than you ever expected!'
The only person less deserving of a Hills spin-off is dead-eyed Audrina Patridge. Seriously, we love Whitney and all, but there's no way she can carry an entire reality show on her own. Why not give Lo her own series? Now that we would watch. (OK, fine. We're going to watch Whit's show, too.)
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Everyone's favorite relationship guru, Spencer Pratt, gets patriotic on us this week with his Radar advice column. A woman writes in to ask if she should stay faithful to her deployed husband or begin a secret lesbian relationship with another military wife. Um, OK. Spencer then describes what cheating means to him, and it's kind of deep until he suggests a three-way.
The aforementioned husband must be really proud to serve our country in order to protect our freedoms — freedoms like receiving cheating advice from a D-list reality show loser.
Are you ready for the worst 30 seconds of your life? Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and Pete Wentz teamed up to shoot a commercial for some new Friday Night MTV thing (called F N MTV), but for the first few seconds we thought we really were watching an episode of The Hills. If this is the couple "acting," then that should clear up any confusion in the minds of the slower MTV viewers as to whether or not the Speidi relationship is authentic.
UM, WHO WERE THE OTHER NOMINEES? "Kevin Federline is the new father of the year! Just in time for Father's Day, Prive Las Vegas will award the proud papa of four his 'father of the year' status at a party he is slated to host there June 13."
DOES HE HAVE TO REPRODUCE? "Newlyweds Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are eager to take what Mueller calls 'the next step': starting a family. Although the couple are knocking down reports that they're already expecting, Sheen, 42, tells Extra: 'Doesn't mean it's not part of the plan.'"
BAD IDEA GETS WORSE "Elizabeth Berkley [has] boarded S. Darko (aka Samantha D), the sequel to Donnie Darko being directed by Chris Fisher. … Berkley is playing a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak whose sentiments about ridding the world of its exponential sin are rivaled only by her infatuation with her dreamy pastor."
This week's Spencer Pratt advice column is an issue near and dear to his heart: "How can I stop feeling bad about banging a celeb?" If we had a dollar for every time we asked ourselves that, we'd be broke, but you can rest assured Spence knows what he's doing. Except replace "celeb" with "D-list reality show pony."
You didn't think we had forgotten about the weekly advice dished out by Spencer Pratt, did you? America's favorite d-bag is back, and this time he's advising a gay man on how to manipulate and humiliate his straight friends. Spencer dispenses a golden nugget of wisdom in which he points out that, without evidence, you have no case. So that whole thing where you and Heidi went on every talk show imaginable and declared that there really was an LC sex tape but no proof — what was that about?
It's called taking your own advice. Try it.
GOOD INFLUENCES "Britney Spears and Mel Gibson are currently en route to Costa Rica on vacation together. … We spotted them leaving on a private plane to the Central American state early this morning. Sources tell us that Mel is taking Britney and her father Jamie for a mini-vacation."
There are times when we ask ourselves, "Who the hell would seek advice from Spencer Pratt?" That's why his Radar magazine column is informational — it reminds the world that Spence isn't the only tool in America. This week, a reader is suffering the age-old dilemma of how to tell part of his crew that he can't roll with them — after all, the exclusive clubs don't let in more than five guys holding hands at a time. Or something like that.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you, guy.
UK-based sales company Velvet Octopus will be launching sales in Cannes for S. Darko, billed as the sequel to the 2001 cult hit Donnie Darko. Fox has already taken North American rights for the $10 million-budgeted film.
…
The story picks up seven years after the first film when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions.
We can't decide whether to file this one under W for "Why?" or C for "Certain to be garbage," so we'll just put it into the bargain bin at truckstops and forget about it.
This week's Radar magazine advice column treads into vomit-inducing territory: Spencer Pratt discusses butt sex.
Some loser wants to know how long you have to date someone before you can participate in said recreational activities, and we'll just go out on a limb here and say he's as big of a tool as the guy dishing out ill-advised guidance. But all is right in the world again when Spence gains back his reputation as King of the Douches when he mentions a poignant quote from his boxing coach. The fact that he even feels the need to bring up a trainer is lame enough, not to mention the fact that it's likely just a reference to Heidi and her new punching bags.
In this week's Radar magazine advice column, Spencer Pratt helps a guy whose girlfriend walks all over him and is "crazy jealous." According to Spence, said guy isn't making his girlfriend feel loved — perhaps he should try videotaping her while she awkwardly frolics on the beach? If that doesn't work, it's probably best to end things, as "that's a relationship [Spencer] wouldn't want to be in."
To be fair, if anyone is an expert in awful relationships, it's him.
BECAUSE WHAT AMERICA NEEDS IS ANOTHER REALITY SHOW "Jennifer Lopez is about to open her personal life for a new television series on TLC, the cable channel announced Wednesday. The singer and new mom to twins will co-executive produce, co-create and star in the 'docu-series,' which focuses on how Lopez juggles her career — including launching a new fragrance — with motherhood."
This week's Radar magazine advice column courtesy of Spencer Pratt does the impossible: The advice seeker may in fact be a bigger tool than Spence himself, with phrases such as "hella mad" and his admission that, although he's pissed his girlfriend cheated on him, he has indeed "stepped out on her" as well.
The Spencer mentality, it is multiplying.
Now that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are dating the Madden brothers, the natural next step is to have a double wedding for both couples. Nevermind the fact that Paris and Benji have only been together a little over a month compared to Nicole and Joel's relationship of a year and a half (complete with child) — these two romances are both ready to see the altar.
And wouldn't you know it, the former Simply Life ladies are planning the wedding in an effort to "make millions" from all the publicity. Because if anyone is hurting for money, its those two.
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TOO MUCH OF A KINDA GOOD THING "Britney Spears is returning to How I Met Your Mother, a source tells People. 'The show is ecstatic and so is Britney. … She had so much fun the first time around she really wanted to come back. It was a mutual decision to work together more.' The singer/actress will do one episode, the source says."
KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SCREWED "A Florida plastic surgeon has written a children's book called My Beautiful Mommy — out on Mother's Day — to teach kids why their mother is going under the knife for cosmetic enhancements."
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