Ben Widdicombe should know that any information he has concerning statutory rapists should probably be taken to the police before the gossip mongers:

Which middle-age Lothario famous for playing a small-screen love interest has been using his renewed fame to land very young women? One recent hookup was all of 16 years old.

NYPD, are you reading?

Britney Spears' chronic misbehavior is finally on a slight upswing. Though her socially awkward insanity persists, her acts have returned to being acerbic and satirical, like that time she cleaned up dog shit with a Chanel gown on the set of some ridiculous photo shoot. Ben Widdicombe has the scoop on her latest bout of beautiful madness:

[Spears] flummoxed staff at the Betsey Johnson on Melrose Ave. this month by turning up with a Dolce & Gabbana dress she wanted the store to copy - in all white - to be ready by that evening.

According to a witness, "the staff explained that they didn't have a dressmaker on call who could do it in time."

"The only thing she wanted to buy in the store was the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window…The manager eventually agreed to offer it to her for $100."

A "pal" of Lindsay Lohan's says that the wondrously reckless actress has been asking her friends to give her money.

With little acting work on the horizon, she is said to be relying on a tobacco lozenge endorsement pittance to survive, and $700 bar tabs in Italy are ensuring that that will be gone soon.

Playboy, give it six more months so as not to seem too eager.

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The Daily News reports today that Ethan Hawke is dating his childrens' former nanny – a mysterious suitor named Ryan (we're assuming female) – and has been for two years.

The Newsers were shocked. (They call Hawke "crafty.") But apparently there was a reason they didn't know about this burgeoning romance: The couple was said to be "keeping a lid on this," selfishly spending hours and hours by themselves, not once taking Ben Widdicombe's feelings into account.

Look! It's me, Cord, with Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. (Search Mollygood on Wikipedia and it takes you to his entry. Weird, but I'm too indifferent to change it.) Where did this meeting of the typists occur? At In Touch magazine's fifth anniversary party. There was much to behold, and we beheld all of it. Boy did I dance badly, but to what I can't remember on account of being slightly tipsy. Drinking is an absolute necessity when swimming with the heeled and hatted sharks that attend these things. After the jump, the stories!

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Punchline Steve Guttenberg is going to release a book of memoirs about his early years in Hollywood. According to a recent interview he gave to Daily News gossip Ben Widdicombe, the Police Academy actor's stories promise to be lurid ones of myriad sexual dalliances.

"I was 19 years old at a club on the Sunset Strip called Gazzari's," the Brooklyn native, now 49, told me.

He was invited home by an older lady, who promptly requested to be tied up. "She opened the closet and had like 55 outfits, with ropes and everything," Guttenberg recalled. He secured her to the four-poster bed, only to have to run out to a drugstore to get "protection."

"So I got the protection, along with flowers and candy and little sandwiches," the "Police Academy" star said. But when he returned to the apartment complex, he couldn't even remember which tower she lived in, let alone her floor or apartment number.

"So I went home and left her tied up," he recalled.

So, if you found your mother bound to her bed three decades ago in Los Angeles, it wasn't a robbery like she told you, she was about to have sex with Steve Guttenberg. Sue him for the cost of therapy.

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Ben Widdicombe initially asked the question, "Which struggling new glossy is so out of money that staffers are having to pay for photos on personal credit cards?" Intriguing but daunting—so many pieces of shit from which to choose. But have no fear, brother blog Jossip narrows it down for you. Could it be Life & Style? Hello? And don't forget about the dark horse: OK!.

Go here to vote, and then do us a favor and start buying those magazines—New York gets ugly when media people have to go too long without Blackberrys and extravagant vacations.