MICROSOFT DROPS SEINFELD "Remember those awful Microsoft ads with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates? Well, now you can forget them. Microsoft flacks are desperately dialing reporters to spin them about 'phase two' of the ad campaign — a phase, due to be announced tomorrow, which will drop the aging comic altogether. Microsoft's version of the story: Redmond had always planned to drop Seinfeld. The awkward reality: The ads only reminded us how out of touch with consumers Microsoft is — and that Bill Gates's company has millions of dollars to waste on hiring a has-been funnyman to keep him company."

After the hoopla surrounding last weekend's bizarre K-Ci and JoJo concert — in which JoJo collapsed on stage and nobody bothered to pick him up — K-Ci took to the airwaves to defend his brother and refute all those "ridiculous" drug claims.

See, the reason his brother passed out on stage after repeatedly acting like a crazy person was because he suffers from epilepsy. Fair enough — let's pack it up and call it a day, shall we? Oh, you want to keep talking? Well in that case, you're digging your own hole.

K-Ci says that Jesus decided JoJo needed to pass out mid-concert, and nobody can argue with God. Also? He hates Bill Gates for inventing the computer. And if you're still questioning his sobriety after those perfectly sane statements, he denies the rumors of drug use: "All that cocaine stuff man — I don't even know how to spell cocaine man, you feel me? I don't even drink Coca-Cola cause it say 'coke.'"

Well, that should clear everything up.

IN INAPPROPRIATE CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT NEWS "Microsoft’s new $300 million advertising campaign has been kept tightly underwraps but word has spread that Jerry Seinfeld will be one of the key celebrity pitchmen. The Wall Street Journal reports that Seinfeld will appear with Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates in ads and receive about $10 million for the work. The new ad effort is expected to use some form of the slogan 'Windows, Not Walls,' several people familiar with the matter told the Journal. The campaign, said to debut Sept. 4, is one of the largest in the company's history."

Another Spencer Pratt nugget of wisdom:

It's jealousy, man. It's human. I'm jealous of Jay-Z, Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch. I feel for these people who wish they could be on reality television and not in their cubicles. You got to thank your haters.

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Vanity Fair's July issue, an Africa-themed edition guest-edited by Bono, will feature 20 different star-studded cover photos taken by Annie Liebovitz. The goal of the shoot, Bono said, was to "bring some sex appeal to the idea of wanting to change the world." Here's a thought, Bono: try bringing some money to the idea of wanting to change the world.

To be sure, what this whole pitiful—surely catered—charade amounts to is nothing more than rich people with the best of intentions exerting very little effort in the hopes that it will make a difference. But despite their aspirations, the fact is that this gesture will probably prove to be relatively meaningless.

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