Oh that liberal elite media and its terrible sense of humor! Everyone needs to get their heads checked, because Stephen Baldwin was simply making a hilarious joke when he said he would leave the country if Barack Obama became president. According to our least favorite Baldwin brother, "The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up." Here's a thought, Steve-O: Perhaps everyone knew you were joking but, deep down, secretly hoped that you were serious and would pack your bags after Nov. 4.
The Jesus Freak (minus the Jesus) also takes issue with — surprise! — gay marriage: "If they legalize gay marriage in all 50 states in my lifetime, I'll get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on my butt to go with the Hannah Montana one." Even more of a reason to help out the gays.
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SO THAT'S WHAT THE KIDS ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS • "Billy Ray Cyrus says his 15-year-old daughter Miley and 20-year-old underwear model Justin Gaston are making sweet music together. 'I'll tell you what — they are great friends, and they make a good team,' he told Usmagazine.com at Monday's Bolt premiere in L.A. 'They write a lot of songs together, and they sing — it's incredible.'"
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Obama fever has, for better or worse, officially extended to include his two adorable daughters, Malia and Sasha. We wonder about which schools they'll go to in DC, and they are fashion trendsetters for the elementary-school set. With all of this attention directed their way, there's a line just asking to be crossed.
On the bad side of that line would be an appearance on Hannah Montana. Billy Ray Cyrus, father of Miley, the show's star, told Access Hollywood that he invited the younger Obamas to make a guest appearance on the show (for ratings, obviously) and that they "probably will." Over Michelle and Barack's dead body, I think.
• How long until Paris Hilton gets herself one of these monkey servants? [DListed]
• The hardest working dog in Hollywood is also likely covered in STDs, poor thing. [HT]
• Miley Cyrus' dad approves of his 15-year-old daughter's 20-year-old boyfriend. But if we've learned anything, it's that Billy Ray doesn't exactly exercise the best judgment. [INO]
• You were right: We can no longer tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart. [PS]
• The Brangelina children love Cheetos, y'all. Britney would be proud. [ICYDK]
• Courtney Love had gastric bypass surgery. Um, did she need it? [Yeeeah]
Miley Cyrus shut down Disneyland Sunday in celebration of her 16th birthday … which is on Nov. 23. Why she wanted to celebrate seven weeks early is beyond us, but the teenager has more money than any of us will see in our lifetimes, so who are we to argue with her logic? The party featured a performance by father Billy Ray Cyrus and four songs from Miley. This sounds awful.
Guests in attendance included Miley's 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston, David Archuleta, Steve Carell, Jennie Garth, Cindy Crawford and Jennifer Love Hewitt. We just lost a bunch of respect for JLH, because the other celebs have children — what was her excuse? Tyra Banks was also reportedly at the shindig but wasn't photographed. Um, what? Is Ty Ty OK? We don't believe this for a second. Why would she show up to a 16-year-old's birthday party if there wasn't a photo op in it for her?
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The intolerable Cyrus family has been relatively quiet over the past few days, but that doesn't mean the famewhores haven't been busy: Sources say that Miley and father Billy Ray are desperately trying to get fired from their Hannah Montana gigs because the deluded idiots think they no longer need the Disney show. Naturally, it all boils down to money: Billy Ray believes "there is more money in singing than a Disney cable show," so he and his daughter have been showing up late to work, stalling production and causing drama among the cast and crew. Not surprising.
Miley is predictably enjoying all of the attention — which has been scarce since her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas started dating another (arguably better) Disney tween star — and she issued the following statement:
I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It's what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people. I couldn't do it alone. We have an amazing cast that is so supportive, including my dad who has been there for me every step of the way.
Hey, Disney? Keep the Cyrus twits in that contract as long as possible, just to make them suffer. Thanks.
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Billy Ray Cyrus stopped by The Today Show to speak about raising a famous daughter, but he seemed more interested in spewing off as many analogies as humanly possible. Our favorite: "The turkey with the longest neck's gonna be the one everybody's shootin' at." We're thinking of getting it crocheted on a pillow to pass down from generation to generation. CONTINUED »
FUNNY, BECAUSE WE ALL CONSIDER MILEY TO BE THE NEXT TRAIN WRECK "Billy Ray Cyrus says his family considers famed Vanity Fair photographer Annie Leibovitz — who famously shot Miley semi-topless — to be a paparazzi."
In news for the 13-year-olds, Miley Cyrus, also known as Disney's Hannah Montana, has legally changed her name. She wasn't born Miley or Hannah; instead, her parents thought it would be a good idea to name her Destiny Hope. Seriously.
Instead of going the porn route, she decided to change her name to Miley, a play off her nickname "Smiley." And, in honor of dad Billy Ray Cyrus, she changed her middle name to Ray.
We liked the original name. There was so much potential there.
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• Nice one, mom. [SOMGWTF]
• Really, Angelina, how does a mother of four stay so thin? Oh, by only having one. [DListed]
• High fashion puts it this way: "Black chick's asses are too fat." [SH]
• I guess Locklear really deserves that "40 and Sporty" shirt. [HT]
• Billy Ray Cyrus is releasing a new album. My achy, breaky musical sensibility can't believe this shit. [ICYDK]
• Keep in mind that these were taken the day after her DUI arrest. Clever girl! [Yeeeah]
• Wilted Rose. [CityRag]
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