Once again, Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, has proven that he's quite the catch: After being released from prison early on the condition that he stay off drugs and go to rehab, Blake Incarcerated is being shipped back to the big house for failing a drug test.
Upon hearing the news, the 26-year-old Casanova rushed to Amy's hospital bed (wait, we can't keep up — she's back in the hospital?) to beg for forgiveness. One can only assume his request was met with a bunch of grunts and a startled "Where am I?"
So now it's prison for Blakey Poo until 2010, which is quite a shame, because according to a source he would have been out for good next month had he not taken the original rehab option. Good thinking, B! Remember kids: Stay off the drugs.
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• Hands down, the greatest YouTube video ever created. [DListed]
• It always confuses us when celebrities neglect to shave their armpits when getting ready for the red carpet. [HT]
• Blake Incarcerated wants to do reality television to show Amy Winehouse "he is off drugs and loves her to bits." What could possibly go wrong? [INO]
• Everyone calm down! Lindsay Lohan confirmed on her blog that she is not breaking up with Samantha Ronson. [ICYDK]
• Oprah is taking hair advice from Britney Spears. [Yeeeah]
• Brad Pitt on parenting: "Six kids is not as easy as you would think." Wait, it's not a cakewalk? [PS]
Like the true Casanova he is, Blake Fielder-Civil admitted in a recent interview that he led Amy Winehouse down the cracked-out path of drugs and self-harm that she's still cruising down today.
I introduced her to heroin, crack cocaine and self-harming. I feel more than guilty. … I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful. Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love.
We can't decide whether to applaud him for recognizing his fault in this whole disaster or roll our eyes for taking the responsibility off Amy, who was a grown woman at the time this all began. Eh, we'll blame them both.
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• Guess who's posing for Playboy. [DListed]
• Amy Winehouse finally dumped Blake Incarcerated, but you know it won't last for long. [Yeeeah]
• Beyonce introduces the latest line of annoying celebrity eyewear. Kanye would be proud. [INO]
• For your viewing (dis)pleasure: All of last night's American Music Awards performances. [HT]
• Hollywood's newest (and prettiest) couple: Leonardo DiCaprio and Zac Efron. [PS]
• Suri Cruise is totally over the paparazzi. [ICYDK]
Amy Winehouse was interviewed via intercom once again, presumably because nobody can bear to look at her grimy, cracked-out face without running away in fear, and she survived six whole minutes of questions without injuring herself or others. Progress!
Of course, her responses made absolutely no sense to anyone, sober or not. Seriously, wander outside around 2 a.m. and ask any drunk to decipher what Amy Winehouse says and even they won't have a clue. It's a mystery.
See if you can translate after the jump.
Today is a historic day, ladies and gentlemen. No, not because of the presidential election — Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was released from prison today.
Amy was busy slowly killing herself at her London home while the love of her life stepped back out into the world. She later appeared "in an agitated state … with make-up smeared across her face" as she lunged at a photographer. Business as usual.
Blake, however, didn't enjoy the taste of freedom for long — he checked straight into a rehab facility, per the terms of his release. The glorious, romance-filled reunion will have to wait.
A reader commented yesterday on the mysterious absence of Amy Winehouse, optimistically chalking it up to a potential trip to rehab. Unfortunately for the world, we were wrong — she's just holed up in her home, granting bizarre interviews to French journalists over an intercom. She mainly talks about loving and missing her Blake Incarcerated and ends the interview by awkwardly suggesting everyone worry about themselves instead of Amy. Yeah, cause she's clearly got her life under control.
Now here, ladies and gentlemen, is the sign of a true addict: When offered a chance to leave prison early and take a trip to rehab, Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, chose to remain behind bars. Well, at least he's not a quitter.
When Blake Incarcerated was told by prison officers he could leave more than two months ahead of schedule if he agreed to detox, he turned up his nose. Then he was offered an early release on the condition that he live with his mother and wear an electronic tag. Blake, naturally, declined.
Hey, maybe he just likes prison — did you ever think of that? I mean, have you seen what he has to face when he walks out those doors?
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• Christina Aguilera's new perfume ad inspires us to vomit. [Yeeeah]
• As of right now Amy Winehouse is back in rehab. Not sure how long that's going to last, but the facility is right next to Blake Incarcerated, which sounds like a bad idea. [INO]
• When Ellen DeGeneres blogs, we listen. [PS]
• Jon Voight has some harsh words for Roseanne. [DListed]
• Heidi Montag is now claiming she's a virgin. Uh, did she forget all those interviews she gave talking about having sex with Spencer — and the infamous Season 2 pregnancy test? [ICYDK]
• The Real World: Brooklyn reportedly sucks, and it hasn't even finished filming yet. We could have told you that. [CityRag]
JUST LIKE BABY JESUS WOULD HAVE WANTED "Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, will be released just after Christmas, it's been reported."
• Pam Anderson appeared on Big Brother in Australia because evidently "we don't have it in America." Except … we do. [DListed]
• Will Smith and Jada tell each other ahead of time if they want to have sex with other people. Ooookay. [INO]
• Jessica Biel doesn't really care about marrying Justin Timberlake. That's good, because neither do we. [PS]
• If the world needs one thing, it's more wax statues of Miley Cyrus. [ICYDK]
• Amy Winehouse reportedly flashed her husband, Blake Incarcerated, while visiting him in prison. Blake then requested a longer sentence. [Yeeeah]
• Lauren Conrad almost has a Britney/Paris/Lindsay moment. [HT]
I guess I don't really understand how the prison system works, especially overseas, because I have a few questions spurred by this weekend's latest Amy Winehouse drama. Her husband, the lovely Blake Incarcerated, was caught (complete with photographic evidence) taking heroin in his London prison cell. Surprising, no? I really thought he was getting his act together.
So maybe this is naive of me, but why is he consistently able to get his grubby hands on illegal substances while being locked away in a prison cell? And who is this person taking the pictures? Do they allow cameras behind bars? And who is paying all of this money for exclusive photos of anyone Amy Winehouse-related taking drugs? Is this really breaking news?
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Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and free to roam the streets as she pleases, which is the good news (for her). The bad news is her husband, Blake Incarcerated, has been having a raunchy pen pal affair with a fellow inmate who recently recovered from her heroin addiction. We have a feeling it's about to start back up.
The letters have been released to the media, and they're a good read if you enjoy deciphering crack talk. Some of the highlights include when he admits he and Amy opened up their relationship because she's been sleeping around and all he wants is a "loyal sweet, staunch, slutty girlfriend." Oh, and when the two pen pals finally meet up, he plans to choke her as she is performing special "favors" for him. Who says chivalry is dead?
After the jump: More incoherent ramblings, including discussion of Amy's interest in a threesome. CONTINUED »
For all the negative publicity Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, receives, the guy actually has a good idea from time to time. This week, he tried to hire someone from inside prison to kill Pete Doherty after seeing a picture of him with Amy and assuming the two were doing drugs and sleeping together (of course they are). He approached an ex-bouncer who may or may not have been involved in murder before and who spoke to The Sun about the encounter:
We were sitting in my cell and he said, ‘If you get Doherty for me I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying, ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house. He knew the address. He said, ‘Amy’s obviously sleeping with him.’
He knew I used to be a doorman and knew some tough people. He said he wanted him smashed to pieces.
Can someone remind us again how Blake landed in prison for all these months, yet Amy — who can now add "racist" to her resume — is still roaming the streets after continually demonstrating that she is a threat to herself and others?
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Despite currently being married to incarcerated pimp Blake Fielder-Civil, Amy Winehouse is now dating some nerd named Alex Haynes. Haynes reportedly does anything Winehouse demands of him, making him less a boyfriend and more a weak-willed enabler.
IGNORING THE PROBLEM "Amy Winehouse is saying no, no, no to rehab — despite a report in a British paper. 'Amy's doing well. She is not going back to rehab at this time,' the Grammy-winner's rep tells Usmagazine.com. For now, the 24-year-old is 'having time off, recording a bit at her home studios, about to go back into the studio properly and working towards her husband's freedom.'"
It was only a matter of time, really: Amy Winehouse is off the wagon. But she spent two whole weeks in rehab! It doesn't make sense.
Sources tell The Sun that the singer has been hitting the bottle and friends suspect she's using drugs again, as evidenced by her scratches and bruises. (Amy reportedly self-harms when she is using.)
And, like an angel of light gracing us here on earth, Blake Fielder-Civil — Amy's jailbird husband — is urging her to get well. Blake reportedly "threatened to ban her from visiting him because he is convinced she is still taking crack cocaine."
When Blake Fielder-Civil is telling you to get your act together, it's probably time to reevaluate life. We're just saying.
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HUSBAND OF THE YEAR GREATLY ENABLED "[Blake Fielder-Civil] is such a loser that he is using wife AMY WINEHOUSE’s fame to feed his habit by trading signed pics of her for hits of heroin from other lags. Amy’s beloved 'Blake incarcerated' offers autographed snaps to greedy cons who hope to cash in by selling them on the net. In return for his grubby currency they hand over a 'Joey' – slang for a hit of heroin worth a few quid."
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