BLIND ITEMING • "Which talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can?"

BLIND ITEMING "Married with children and a high-flying Hollywood career, this A-lister was known at his New York performing school as 'Two Tricks', and was famous for once giving blow jobs to eight men consecutively in a closet." Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

BLIND ITEMING "Which supposedly squeaky-clean starlet was a big fan of some pretty hardcore drugs back in college? Her favorite tagline is, 'Wow, the drugs in Hollywood are so much better than what we used to get.' Of course, all the evidence of her hard partying has been erased. Once she hit the big time a couple of years back, her publicist made the rounds of her pals and bought up all the photo evidence of her former fun."

Upset that you couldn't make it to this season's high-class New York Fashion Week? Don't be! Go find some meth heads in your area who will do anything for another hit; you'll practically be backstage at the Marc Jacobs show:

This always causing trouble A list singer was all over fashion week. He was also all over a model at one of the shows. Not wanting to waste more time with her than necessary, he tempted her with a little white powder, went behind a curtain in the backstage area, and allowed her to get her fill. Then he had her do something else for him if you know what I mean. When she was done, he gave her the rest of the little baggie.

BLIND ITEMING "Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? 'He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball,' says our spy. 'His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch.' Even worse, we hear there were no takers."

BLIND ITEMING "Which reality TV has-been can't even go to paid appearances anymore? His manager is too worried about how trashed he gets when he's on the payroll."

Yay! Time for another game of Guess That Bleep. Much like with Mad Libs, your job is to find the appropriate word or phrase to fill in the space left vacant by mass media's increasingly arbitrary standards of decency.

Today's is a doozy:

Which cocaine-loving actress is said to be relying on her closeted husband to meet guys? A source says that when they were at a party recently, the hubby asked a fellow guest, "Do you want to [bleep] my wife? Because you can.”

Gawd, how awful are famous people?

Anyway, our guess is, "Do you want to get a great blueberry muffin recipe from my wife? Because you can." Your turn; have fun with it.

In high school, one of my best friends since childhood made the poor decision to briefly date an oft-medicated raver. He's since told me about lots of really bizarre things she did during the course of their relationship – the ecstasy, the crying – but the story that's stuck with me is about the time she wore edible underwear to prom, edible underwear that was sweaty, sticky and stringy by the time they got back to their hotel room that night. My friend's cringing face is the only thing I could think about while reading the following blind item.

Which pervy cad about town has yet another weird penchant … for edible underwear? He makes all of his ladies wear a specially made licorice thong that he likes to slowly chew off of them.

BLIND ITEMING "Which chummy-seeming reality-show hosts can't stand each other off-camera?"

Which naive actress didn't make any excuses as she sat in her party dress and sniffed cocaine off her mate's hand in the middle of a party?

Sure, it's probably not Dakota Fanning, but that picture was the only way we could add even a hint of spice to yet ANOTHER blind item about drugs. Can we please get over this shock at young celebrities doing drugs, world? Yes, famous people do drugs. Yes, there's probably better things they could be doing with their time. Let's move on.

Does everyone else agree, or have we just been in New York for too long?

We have a couple guesses …

This black female celebrity has the most carefully manufactured image in Hollywood. She comes across as modest but in reality she is a functional cocaine and "X" addict; and she also indulges in designer drugs. Before she hooked up with her recent boyfriend, he used to complain to friends that when he first met her, he had no idea that she indulged in so many drugs due to her carefully crafted image. Sadly, she encouraged him to indulge, and now-they are both on a variety of drugs.

This woman can really turn it on for the camera but behind the scenes she is extremely rude. Famous people who have worked with her say, she doesn't even acknowledge you, it's as if you are invisible. Several famous men in the same field were big fans, they got a rep to arrange a visit when she arrived in their town and they looked forward to presenting her with flowers and expensive gift baskets. She walked right by them despite their fame and refused the gifts. If you work for this woman, you cannot have eye contact with her and you must speak to her through a third person at all times.

[Source]

BLIND ITEMING "What two hunky actors are refraining from any public displays of affection now that spies on their set are suggesting they're more than friends?"

Which Italian designer told a woman he was groping on a dance floor that he likes 'slutty girls who dress badly'? She pointed out she was wearing one of his dresses.

Not just a straight Italian fashion designer, but a straight Italian fashion designer who's also a boorish jerk. Hmmmmmm…

BLIND ITEMING "Which divorced comic superstar is exploring a groovy new real-life persona: that of an openly gay man?"

Here's a blind item supposedly based on information obtained from Rosie O'Donnell at a recent book signing:

Which famous gastric bypass recipient reportedly "has to wear diapers" because she "poops soup"?

BLIND ITEMING "Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?"

BLIND ITEMING "Which hit TV show's cast members are as bad in real life as the characters in the plotline? At a recent party, two of the hot actors held up the bathroom line while cutting their own lines in the stalls."

Oh, the irony:

Which wife of a major real estate developer hired a private eye to confirm her husband is gay? Surprise! The investigator discovered the hubby was actually a regular customer of a female escort service.

We don't know by name many real estate developers, but we really, really, really hope it's the one we're thinking of.