BLIND ITEMING "Which rotund actress had a romantic rendezvous with a waiter — but only after the server's boss promised him free food and drinks if he 'went the extra mile' to keep the thespian happy? One cocaine-fueled romp later, and the waiter has yet to see his payoff. 'I slept with the beast for this?' he complained."

BLIND ITEMING "Which two beyond-famous actor pals have late-night cocaine parties, much to their wives' dismay? They start at 3 a.m. and rage until sunrise — and we hear a rehabbed starlet has joined them for several sessions."

GEE, WHO COULD IT BE? "Which celebrity starlet are magazines desperately trying to get to come out on their pages? Editors say they are willing to pay big bucks for the first interview."

Which TV legend likes to play dirty in the bedroom? The larger-than-life fella ties up his conquests with bathrobes - and takes breaks from "satisfying" the girls only to snort piles of coke.

Fun! But who could it be?

BLIND ITEMING Which young star — who plays gay on his hot TV show — has a taste for significantly older women?

BLIND ITEMING "Which music-producing superstar recently had his nether regions pierced in hopes of increasing his, you know, sensation?"

BLIND ITEMING "Which wonky reality show star quietly checked into a California rehab center only to head for the exits when the staff said they would be searching her bags? Wait, you mean you can't take drugs into rehab?"

BLIND ITEMING "Which A-list actor with a long-suffering wife is not only a serial philanderer (we knew that) but a major cokehead (that's news!)? He makes bathroom trips every five minutes at his favorite LA club and likes to have a young woman seated on his lap."

Gee, who could it be?

Which weekly glossy just signed a mega-million-dollar contract with a certain annoying celebrity couple? The deal is the magazine will get exclusive interviews with the couple, but in turn they need to break up (again), get back together (again) and actually get married.

BLIND ITEMING "Which actress on a canceled show was 'doing her body weight' in cocaine at a beachy magazine shoot over the weekend?"

Which celebrity stylist has been banned by Louis Vuitton because its stuff has a habit of not coming back from her shoots? She also had that full-figured star of a hit TV comedy leave the set in tears after telling her, "Ugh, I can't believe you don't fit into that!"

Guess the stylist and the weepy actress.

BLIND ITEMING "Which show keeps its dim-witted if ultra-popular 'reality' stars peppy with Adderall supplied by a producer in handfuls between scenes?"

Which married modelizer likes to spread the love when he's away from home? Apparently, he thinks Sydney is far enough away that his famous Mrs. won't find out.

BLIND ITEMING "Which hip-hop mogul likes to practice nude yoga in a Chelsea gym steam room? His 'pathetic' manhood has driven more than a few onlookers into fits of laughter."

BLIND ITEMING "Which new mama likes to sneak vodka into her water glass even though she's still breastfeeding?"

BLIND ITEMING "Which celebrity is dating a gorgeous female celeb AND a handsome bloke at the same time? He's desperate to keep up the pretense of being straight."

This seems like complete and utter nonsense, but a recent blind item is creating a buzz about Lauren Conrad and a possible bun in the oven:

This Hills and/or Laguna Beach star is pregnant. Now if we could just figure out the daddy.

In the video above, one of the paps ask LC how the baby is. If the paparazzi know about this, it must be true.

Ben Widdicombe should know that any information he has concerning statutory rapists should probably be taken to the police before the gossip mongers:

Which middle-age Lothario famous for playing a small-screen love interest has been using his renewed fame to land very young women? One recent hookup was all of 16 years old.

NYPD, are you reading?