When was the last time you were forced to read a bad pun in Page Six regarding oil billion-heir (see?) Brandon Davis and the amount of shiny grease in his hair? Get it, because he's got oil money, and his hair is oily. Oy vey.
You might not be so happy at first to see Davis' name in print: He's pretty much disappeared after calling Lindsay Lohan a fire-crotch, but then you realize that he's only being mentioned because of his recent string of bad luck and insane debt, and your Monday just started out a little better, right?
"You fucked up—you trusted us." They are the immortal words of Otter in the 1978 classic Animal House, and they are the words that should be tattooed on oil scion Brandon Davis' forehead.
The New York Post today compiles a list of names of wealthy suckers who mistakenly let the flailing Davis within reach of them and their wallets, followed by descriptions of how and to what extent exactly Davis then screwed them over.
If the Post's figures are right, Davis' running tab with his "friends" is well over a quarter of a million dollars, and he's reportedly in no mood to pay back any of it: "Davis rang up a $100,000 tab on [David] Kur's bookie account. When Kur asked for it back, Davis said, 'Fuck you. I'm not going to pay. You want your money? Come get it.'" Says Kur, "He's a very messed-up person." Incisive.
WHAT'S WORSE THAN A DOWNGRADE? "Miranda Kerr’s romance with Orlando Bloom is over, says an insider who adds that she has rebounded into the arms of her former flame, oil heir Brandon Davis."
There are two sides to all celebrities: The squeaky-clean images forced upon the public by PR reps and their actual personalities. To provide you with a glimpse into the real Hollywood characters are Mollygood's very own readers, telling tales of celebrity encounters big and small. Up this week: Reader JoAnn's sighting of greasy Brandon Davis. CONTINUED »
Oh, man, we hate to link to TMZ, but this is too good. Click on the picture to hear a snippet of a prank call on Jason Davis — one half of the famously good-fer-nothin' Davis brothers — in which a man claims to be a drug dealer who's heard Jason and his older brother, Brandon, are "fuckin' blowheads." "I don't do blow," protests Jason, before immediately saying, "Actually, I take that back—I've tried it once or twice." Best part: When Jason is forced to explain that he is Gummi, not Greasy.
Brandon Davis, the guy who's famous for looking greasy and calling Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch, showed off more of that winning personality last night in LA. Click through and watch with pride as he calls one pap the N-word and another the F-word. Is it any wonder he and his equally disgusting brother are famous among Hollywood circles? CONTINUED »
Oh, you and your kind bludgeon the hell out of Los Angeles with cheap, easily hidden implements of destruction, rendering it ugly and practically unlivable? We knew that.
[Source]
With '08 looming so closely on the horizon, we suggest soon putting these two into a time capsule, to occasionally be remembered as shameful things past. Let's start this year right.
How do people reconcile their belief in God with the existence of Brandon Davis, who gains entry to "exclusive" parties by shouting, "Open the fucking door, you goddamn fucking queers"? Aren't the two mutually exclusive? Why hasn't the Lord given all this guy's money to sick children? We figure the least He could do is order someone to sacrifice the kid (a la Abraham).
When "Greasy Bear" paid a visit late Saturday to the Frederic Fekkai Salon for a trim, stylists were so appalled by his oily grunginess they donned rubber gloves. "Even the shampoo person wore gloves," said a source. "He [Davis] was really out of it, sweating profusely.
Ha! And this: "His eyes were half shut and he was asking for carrot juice…" Of course he was; carrot juice is good for half shut eyes.
Look! It's me, Cord, with Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. (Search Mollygood on Wikipedia and it takes you to his entry. Weird, but I'm too indifferent to change it.) Where did this meeting of the typists occur? At In Touch magazine's fifth anniversary party. There was much to behold, and we beheld all of it. Boy did I dance badly, but to what I can't remember on account of being slightly tipsy. Drinking is an absolute necessity when swimming with the heeled and hatted sharks that attend these things. After the jump, the stories!
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• This show's weird, because while I doubt many doctors watch Scrubs, I'm sure oppressed trophies love seeing what's happening in Wisteria Lane. [DListed]
• Rihanna-ked. [HT]
• Another notable stop on Jenna Jameson's slow descent. [ICYDK]
• Now Owen's in rehab. Didn't see that coming. [INO]
• Sadly, this guy limped through another year. [Yeeeah]
• How the other side celebrates the holiday. I'm cool with Corona's on the beach, but you have fun with the assless chaps. [CityRag]
Sean Stewart was involved in a minor donnybrook at Paris Hilton's Malibu beach house this weekend. The scuffle began when a concerned citizen barreled Stewart into an umbrella after the son of Hollywood had stolen the hat of a costumed salesman. This attack comes on the heels of Brandon Davis being punched very hard in the eye, and it's nice to see people finally setting their sights on the entitled bullies.
Hi, Gilbert. I'm a nerd too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us than there are of you. I know there's alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might've been called a spazz, or a dork, or a geek. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down - whether you think you're a nerd or not - why don't you just come down here and join us? Okay? Come on.
The revolution begins.
[Source]
As a man who has been belted in the face—and indeed bloodied—on several unfortunate but life-affirming occasions, I can say that I find violence obnoxious and mostly unnecessary. However, as a man with a capricious tongue, I can also say that sometimes people deserve it. I'm guessing this gentleman deserved it. And I hope it fucking hurt.
According to a Page Six article published today, wasted waste Brandon Davis has fallen on tough times. Relegated to crashing on couches and suffering the indignity of asking for—and being denied—money from friends, the oil heir is finding it difficult to get out of a hole he dug with bottles and outbursts.
Several sources said Davis - who once hounded Lindsay Lohan for not having money and called her a "firecrotch" - has been financially cut off by his wealthy family for not being able to get his act together, and pals like Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos aren't taking his calls.
In other news of money tainting the very roots of a human being, Brandon Davis recently spoiled older brother Alexander's wedding reception by getting blotto, screaming at their father and smashing up the furniture.
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And here it is. Look closely, and for a long time. This, friends, is the face of utter resignation to vast wealth. This is the face of a man whose very existence hinges on an alcohol-infused routine so drab that it's difficult, nay, impossible to even expel a smile. To do so would not be physically taxing, but emotionally draining, as sifting through the negative feelings inside to find the fleck of golden happiness would be as futile as searching for an errant pebble in the Nile. And sure, it looks as if he can still muster the inclination to scrape an ivory handled razor over his expanding jowls, but such a surface attempt at decency makes his presence seem even more grotesque than it actually is. If you ever look in the mirror and see a face such as this staring back, check your pulse, and then immediately reevaluate your entire existence. There may be hope if you act soon enough.
For him, it's far too late. He will continue to chug, stumble and grope his way through life and into an early grave and, if we're lucky, along the way he'll serve as a reminder that when the nest is feathered too much, the bird will never learn to fly.
[Source]
Petra Nemcova—tsunami survivor and children's charity supporter—may be falling in to the shallow end. Here's the scoop from Page Six:
The tsunami-surviving supermodel, who just broke up with fey singer James Blunt, rebounded with Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos. Our eagle-eyed spy caught the two making out at Bungalow 8 recently as they partied with Niarchos' oil-heir friend Brandon Davis. "She was grinding him," our witness said. "It was pretty gross. I mean, he used to sleep with Paris. Eww."
Petra should know that surviving a devastating tsunami is one thing, but trying to stay whole, decent and kind amongst the bunch of sedentary drinkers she's fallen in with is going to be one of the hardest fights of her life.
Editor
