The geniuses behind South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, have set their sights on a new group of people to offend: Mormons. The duo will work with one of the creators of Avenue Q to produce a Broadway music based on the lives and loves of the religious group, set to run in 2009. The title? Mormon Musical.

Broadway heartthrob Cheyenne Jackson is already booked to star in the show, which he describes in the most predictable way possible: "It offends everybody but does what South Park does best, which is by the end it comes around and has something great to say."

Aaaaaaand here come the trolls.

• Christina Aguilera's new Target commercial is 100 times better than that bizarre "Keeps Gettin' Better" video she released. [INO]

• What in the hell kind of outfit is Whitney Port wearing and why? [PS]

• Ten invaluable life lessons from Judge Judy. Write these down. [CityRag]

• Betty Boop is coming to Broadway. Why not? [DListed]

• Brad Pitt says Angelina Jolie is the love of his life. Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is crying. [ICYDK]

• Zac Efron on Daniel Radcliffe's Broadway "exposure": "Daniel was very ballsy." Heh. [Yeeeah]

CREEPY ACTOR FACING MULTIMILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT "Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard allegedly assaulted composer Tex Allen in a backstage beatdown as they worked together on Broadway's 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' last winter, according to a lawsuit. Now Allen, a jazz pianist and the brother of Debbie Allen - who directed the play - is demanding $5 million for his alleged fat lip, according to court papers. Allen claims the alleged assault ruined his music playing. The suit alleges that Howard confronted Allen … during a Jan. 24 rehearsal … and punched him repeatedly in the face and head. The suit does not divulge the reason for the fight."

BAD IDEAS: BRITNEY ON BROADWAY "Is Britney Spears heading to Broadway? The singer stopped by to see In the Heights last week, and pals close to the fallen (and risen?) pop princess say she may be searching for a part to make her stage debut. If Ashlee Simpson can do it, that means anyone can, right?"

The only people still talking about Clay Aiken's coming out are Clay Aiken and his crazed Claymates (and now us). The singer took to his fan site to speak out about his People magazine cover and assure those crazy Bible thumpers that he's still the same ol' G.

We'll post the full diatribe after the jump, but for those of you who don't care enough to take three hours to read it, we'll sum it up for you: Clay somehow panders to his few "OMG this changes everything" fans without sounding hateful or condescending. We are slowly starting to respect this man-child more and more for the things he has to say on the gay issue — his thoughts are eloquent and moving. There's few people who can speak to those who absolutely believe all homosexuals are going to hell without causing some sort of riot, and Clay is one of them. Bravo.

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Britney Spears was welcomed by a throng of paparazzi when she arrived in New York City this week, but the singer didn't experience the usual fanfare when she stopped by NYC radio station Z-100 to promote her new single — because nobody knew she was coming. According to a station rep, the crew randomly "received a call from the Spears camp saying she was just two blocks away and wanted to come in" — and she was only accompanied by manager Larry Rudolph. Well, we're pleased to see that she needs just one person around to reign in the crazy.

The interview included a segment where Brit got nostalgic about the old days, before she lost her mind: "I wish I still had my apartment here … I love [New York City]." We agree that she would perhaps be less of a freak show in Manhattan, but we would prefer the madness to stay on the opposite side of the country. Besides, her poor kids have enough to worry about without having to move thousands of miles away from their not-so-stable environment.

Meanwhile, Brit hit up a Broadway show last night and looked as good as ever. You can't even tell she has a rat's nest on her head! Things are looking up.

[Source]

Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons last night was not without incident. No, Tom didn't beat a man bloody with his small but lightning-fast balled fists. As has become the norm at any event attended by noteworthy Scientologists, 'twas those funny, funny, funny Anonymous weirdos keeping it interesting:

About 30 protesters lined up at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre and chanted “Scientology kills!”

Some wore masks like in the movie “V for Vendetta,” and one poster read: “FREE KATIE.”

'ALL MY SONS' STRIKES BACK "Producers of the Broadway revival of 'All My Sons' are countering rumors that co-star Katie Holmes is not selling tickets by announcing advance sales of $3.5 million. … Since box office opened for the play, speculation has appeared in the press that Holmes may not be the draw producers had hoped. … However, if the advance figure released by producer Eric Falkenstein is accurate, 'All My Sons' looks to rank alongside 'Equus' as one of the fall season's biggest nonmusical box office performers."

HE'S ALL GROWDS UP"David Mamet's 'American Buffalo,' a robbery tale set in a Chicago junk shop, has found its third partner in crime — Haley Joel Osment, who will be making his Broadway debut in the production. The 20-year-old Osment, who was an Academy Award nominee for 'The Sixth Sense,' joins John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer in the revival that opens Nov. 17 at the Belasco Theatre. Preview performances begin Oct. 31."

The Holmes backlash has been in effect for quite awhile now, what with her marrying that crazy guy and bearing his creepily-perfect alien love baby. But give credit where credit is due, Holmes isn't the worst actress in Hollywood today. (Melanie Griffith still gets work.)

Although fans of the Dark Knight were relieved when Maggie Gyllenhaal took over to play Katie's role, Holmes has always been one of those young actresses whose performance can best be described with words like "decent," "acceptable," and "passing." She was very good in Thank You For Smoking, actually. Unfortunately, as Mrs. Cruise tries to take Xenu's gospel to the Great White Way, her acceptable mediocrity isn't bowling over the Broadway audiences:

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Katie Holmes flew across the country from her Broadway rehearsals to attend husband Tom Cruise's Tropic Thunder premiere last night in LA, because no Cruise-related event is complete without Katie's dead eyes and silent cries for help. We're hoping Katie just ate more lettuce leaves than normal, because if that's a baby bump we should probably start stocking up on bottled water and flashlights.

[Source]

The lovely Suri Cruise has already developed a resentment for the paparazzi, as evidenced by her attempt to hide her face after attending a Broadway performance of The Little Mermaid. She truly is wise beyond her years.

[Source]

Oh no! Julia Roberts couldn't do it; nor could Amanda Peet or Denzel Washington. And it looks like Katie Holmes' chance to do it was over before it even began. But we had such high hopes for Morgan Freeman! He was supposed to be The One, the major movie star that would take Broadway by storm with a performance hailed by critics and ticket buyers alike. Alas, it was not to be:

… if Mr. Freeman [in The Country Girl] was still unsure of his lines, it was undetectable in the performance I saw, which exuded a low-key confidence and charm. (This is not, I hasten to point out, what the part requires at all times.) And if you compare this version’s script with Odets’s published text, the deletions and discrepancies don’t change the sense of things, though the word substitutions are often bizarrely capricious. I would happily have put up with flubbed lines if real runaway feelings accompanied them.
…
In theater as in film Mr. Freeman is a quietly commanding presence. When Frank auditions for Bernie, the producer (Chip Zien) and the playwright (Remy Auberjonois) in the opening scene and begins improvising, you get a flash of the wild-card artistry that makes Bernie prize him. Otherwise he seems natural, affable, occasionally irritable, but not like a man wrestling with demons.

PEOPLE PREFER NON-CRAZIES "Advance ticket sales for Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons are far below those for Nicole Kidman's 1998 run in The Blue Room. … Less than $1 million in tickets for All My Sons — which begins previews in September — have been sold compared to $4 million for Kidman's Broadway stint, according to the paper."

• This is why we love New York: "Gov. David A. Paterson has directed all state agencies to begin to revise their policies and regulations to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions, like Massachusetts, California and Canada." [NYT]

• Britney Spears is being courted by Broadway. Nope, not joking. [DListed]

• The Guess Who's Eating Quiz. [PS]

• In all seriousness, someone needs to be keeping an eye on Owen Wilson in light of the Kate Hudson-Lance Armstrong romance. [ICYDK]

• "Xzibit’s newborn son, who was born prematurely on May 15th, died earlier this week when his lungs gave out." [SH]

Start buying your tickets now: Katie Holmes is coming to Broadway. The wife of Mr. Crazy himself, Tom Cruise, will escape the LA Scientology Center to join the revival of Arthur Miller's All My Sons, which debuts this fall. It's unsure whether Tom and Suri will be joining her here in the city, and for our sake, we sure hope not. Besides, Katie needs no distractions as she learns to reprogram new vocabulary into her system.

[Source]

People say gays are vain, but we don’t know anyone quite like straight man Mario Lopez.

The actor, who recently began playing lead choreographer Zach in Broadway’s A Chorus Line, reportedly wants to be the biggest muscle man in the show — and he’s making demands to ensure he faces no challengers.

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It took American Idol seven seasons, but it seems the show has finally driven one of its contestants to a mental breakdown. I knew something was coming last week when Brooke White's performance of Mariah Carey's "Hero" progressively got faster and faster and her voice got shakier and shakier, but what happened last night was one of the most uncomfortable things I have witnessed on television — and I've sat through two seasons of Rock of Love.

Brooke, who sang "You Must Love Me" for Andrew Lloyd Webber night, forgot her lyrics 5 seconds into the song and requested that the band start over. The look of sheer terror on her face as she realizes she has no clue what word comes next is cringe-worthy, but that doesn't come close to the awkwardness that takes place when even Paula is left speechless from Brooke's panicky performance.

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