We've given up thinking the Hogans have functioning brains, because there really is no reason for the YouTube clip above, which features Brooke Hogan prancing around in lingerie at a Miami club this weekend. Sure, she has a reality show to promote — but surely there's a better way than slutting around a stage and assaulting us with her singing of "Hey Big Spender."
Just when our cold heart was starting to soften for Brooke Hogan, she had to go and screw it up. We were beginning to think this poor girl is handling herself the best way possible after being raised in a family as disastrous as hers, but that sympathy quickly waned during this Access Hollywood interview in which she's presented with yet another one of Nick's despicable jail phone calls.
• Tim McGraw shows his wife she's not the only one who can get into a fight with an audience member who is being disrespectful. [INO]
• Brooke Hogan explains the controversial photo in which her father rubs lotion on her butt: "I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car." [ICYDK]
• Justin Timberlake says he suffers from OCD and ADD. Also, D-Bag Syndrome. [DListed]
• Take the celebrity honeymoon quiz and see how much of a life you don't have. [PS]
• MTV, likely energized by John McCain's campaign, has decided to allow political ads for the first time since 1981. [Jossip]
Brooke Hogan has graduated from making public accouncements via her MySpace blog to whoring her family problems out to the newest issue of Us Weekly. In Hollywood, that's considered a step up. We just wish she would keep her mouth shut and allow private things to remain private — like the fact that she is no longer on speaking terms with her mother. Also of note, Brooke still doesn't grasp the concept that her little precious baby brother Nick actually committed a serious crime. The police didn't just lock him up for fun, as much as you and your family try to convince yourselves otherwise.
An excerpt from the interview, after the jump. CONTINUED »
Brooke Hogan can never stay away from MySpace for too long. America's favorite writer has taken a break from defending her worthless brother Nick to remind everyone that she is very famous and in-demand. Which would explain why she's begging people via MySpace to book events. According to the post, "Brooke's schedule fills up quickly," so act now! We're considering making up a fake event and booking Brooke just for the hell of it. CONTINUED »
Unsuccessful in their attempts to garner public sympathy via MySpace and Larry King Live, the Hogans are now making public threatening messages that the family believes are from Frank Graziano, the brother of the man left in a vegetative state after getting in the car with Nick.
Sure, the messages are cause for concern, but they were played on the radio this morning by host Bubba the Love Sponge, who just so happens to be a close Hogan family friend. This is obviously more of a publicity issue than it is about safety.
Also? We can guarantee the culprit isn't a member of the Graziano clan. The mystery man threatened to piss on the family's grave — it's obviously Sam Lutfi. Case closed.
[Source]
Hulk Hogan took to
Unfortunately for us, Brooke Hogan has yet to write another award-winning MySpace rant, but she is still giving ill-advised interviews in which she lets us in on the Hogan family drama. Nick has been given the week off, as the current topic is mother Linda and her 19-year-old boyfriend.
I’m totally freaked out. I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support. … I went to school with [my mom's new boyfriend]. He was a grade under me. Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).
I thought we were one of the normal Hollywood families. It's crazy watching it all fall apart, but I hope for the best.
You know what doesn't help your situation, Brooke? Speaking to the media about concerns you should be sharing with your family. We can start with that. Next week, self-awareness.
[Source]
The Hogans have been keeping us busy lately, and, true to form, today has not been lacking in absurdity. The family filed a civil lawsuit against Pinellas County Sheriff Jim Coats for placing Nick in solitary confinement, but another legal battle involves the public release of phone calls from the jail, which is causing Nick "extreme emotional distress."
Surely the maternal Linda Hogan can help us make sense of all this. Why wouldn't the press be sympathetic to the family's plight? In a jailhouse phone call made public, she explained to Nick the ways of the world: "Everything's public record. Is nothing sacred anymore? Everyone's out for the money."
Well, she would know.
[Source]
The Hogans seriously need to cool it on the bad publicity, because it's not doing the family any favors. The latest drama: That loser Linda was grinding in Vegas is actually 19 years old and has been a longtime friend of Nick. Speaking of our favorite jailbird, the family is trying to stop the release of Nick's recorded pathetic phone calls from jail, claiming a violation of privacy. Except a recorded voice comes on the line during each call to remind everyone that the call is being recorded. Nice try, losers.
[Source]
There was another Hogan car accident over the weekend, this time involving Brooke, everyone's favorite MySpace author. The wreck was not Brooke's fault, and she and her passenger walked away with no injuries. Thank God, because can you imagine the world with one less Hogan to spew nonsense?
To make sense of everything, Brooke took to the Internet with a new blog post — that has since been removed — thanking her jailbird brother and his passenger who has been in a coma since Nick's fateful car accident, because their mistakes saved her life. Well, at least the passenger has that to keep him going.
You can read the entire thing after the jump.
Brooke Hogan's latest MySpace rant (which has since been removed) was obviously not the ramblings of a perfectly sane person, and sources close to the Hogan family are convinced she is headed toward an emotional breakdown. Apparently her parents' divorce and brother's sentencing have gotten the best of her and "she just can't keep it together." Gee, you think?
In other family news, Hulk and Linda presented a united front at Nick's court hearing earlier this month (Linda even wore her wedding ring), but it was all an act to show support for their son. That shouldn't surprise anybody, because Hulk has based his entire career on acting, especially as of late — he even admitted that Hogan Knows Best was scripted (gasp!) and he was wary of the entire idea from the beginning:
I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about.
We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete. But I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.
The point where everything went downhill can be debated, but we believe it happened when Hulk tried to base his family's life on that of the Simpsons.
[Source]
In the wake of Nick Hogan's eight-month jail sentence for felony reckless driving, sister Brooke took to her MySpace to speak out against the entire situation. Because — let's be honest — writing about how the justice system is flawed on the No. 1 site for pedophiles is going to cause some shake-ups. Brooke insists no one knows the real story and even goes on to insult Nick's passenger who nearly lost his life in the accident. If that's not going to win over the general public, we don't know what will.
The entire diatribe, after the jump.
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is twgirl:
Her memoirs like those
Of a geisha tell of
Innocence sold too soon
That was good. A bit Oprah's Book Club-ey, but good.
New one under here.
CONTINUED »
Hey! Here's a photo of leathered monster Hulk Hogan working suntan lotion deep into the vulnerable spots of daughter Brooke's hind parts. We're not parents, but we don't think he should be doing that. What say you?
[Source]
Three Florida universities recently barred from their campuses Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk, when the pop singer/blond asked if she could visit the schools and consider matriculating. It's what's called nipping it in the bud.
… Hogan was denied admission to three state universities this week before touring Florida Atlantic University's campus Tuesday.
But it wasn't her grades that were keeping her out of the schools. It was her nine-camera entourage filming for a VH1 television show.
…
FAU administrators haven't decided whether Hogan will be allowed to film on campus if she applies and is accepted as a student.
• Mollygood Editor Cord (seen here as an adorable youngin') wants to know if he's black enough for you. [SH]
• Kids are so cute: Madonna's daughter wants to save Britney Spears. Nobody spoil it and tell her it's impossible. [Us]
• Hulk Hogan's new girlfriend looks just like daughter Brooke. Surprised? [INO]
• Jennifer Lopez's nursery may kill her babies. Also a danger to the kids: Skeletor. [Jossip]
• Anyone hoping to buy Jamie Lynn Spears a baby gift, stalk away. [People]
• Sorry, Internet pedophiles: Miley Cyrus is not looking for a boyfriend online. [ICYDK]
The Hogan saga continues this week with a lawsuit filed against 3/4 of the clan. The family of John Graziano, the passenger in Nick Hogan's vehicle on that fateful August day when he wrecked his car in a street race, filed a suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick, alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the crash.
In the suit, [Graziano's court-appointed guardian Peter] Musante alleges that Nick negligently operated his Toyota Supra by racing another man in a Dodge Viper, a car also owned by Hulk. The suit claims the Bolleas were aware of Nick's need for speed and knew that he had souped-up his vehicle for the purpose of racing.
Musante also says Hulk purchased alcohol the day of the accident — August 26 — and that Hulk 'knew or should have known' Nick was driving under the influence of the crash and he failed to take appropriate action.
The Hogans are also responsible for Brooke's music career. Can we hold them liable for that, too? Better yet, let's do another series of Hogan Knows Best, but this time it's in a remote location and there's no cameras. And also, there's an explosive of some sort.
[Source]
Editor
