Despite having a career trajectory that resembles the President's approval rating, Mischa Barton is still enough of a prima donna to have skipped all her press obligations for her new movie, You and I, at the Cannes Film Festival. And now she's gone missing in London, the film's next press stop. Says You and I director Roland Joffé: "She hasn't pulled out of interviews, she's pulled out of everything . . . Her room is here, she is here, but trying to get the two together has just been impossible. We just don't know where Mischa is."

After watching the film's trailer, above, we can't say we blame the poor girl. That Russian accent is ROUGH.

STATING THE OBVIOUS "Michael Lohan isn't playing dumb when it comes to his daughter Lindsay's close relationship with deejay Samantha Ronson. Days after photos of them nuzzling necks in Cannes, France, surfaced, he tells Usmagazine.com their romance 'is evident to anyone with half a brain.'"

Michelle Williams has taken a few months to mourn the passing of former partner Heath Ledger and decided to come out of hiding last night in Cannes. Although she did not star in Adoration, Michelle showed up for the premiere anyway, prompting reporters everywhere to declare the mourning period officially over. Because showing up at an event to be photographed obviously means she has completely moved on.

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A very pregnant Angelina Jolie dragged Brad Pitt to the Cannes premiere of her new movie, The Changeling. Either Angie is about to pop or there are even more babies in there than we previously suspected.

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The highly anticipated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull premiered to a standing ovation and "enthusiastic" critics last evening at the Cannes Film Festival, assuaging fears that the movie was too long and mediocre. Not that everyone in the whole world wasn't going to see it no matter what.

THAT'S OUR SEANY BOY! "At the opening day jury press conference [at Cannes], Sean Penn made a pitch for the first-ever jury prexy’s choice screening of the tsunami doc 'The Third Wave;' called George W. Bush’s politics 'evil,' and said, 'film is about art, and art is about love. The brain has a purpose in connecting with the heart. When someone works without a brain or a heart they kill thousands of people around the world.' Admitting that he was 'not comfortable in a group of people like this,' Penn asked one journo, 'can you get me a drink?'"

Thanks to Jack Black, who has no interest in playing coy to spite Us Weekly and TMZ, Angelina Jolie has finally confirmed that she is indeed pregnant with twins.

In an interview to air on Access Hollywood tonight, Jack, who is promoting the new movie Kung Fu Panda at the Cannes Film Festival with Angie, inadvertently let the news slip; that, in turn, forced her to admit what the tabloids told everyone from the start of her pregnancy. Don't underestimate the powers of the tabs, Ang. They are creepier than one might expect.

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SEX AND THE SECRETS Dilemma! "[Sarah Jessica Parker] is concerned that if [Sex and the City: The Movie] premiered [at Cannes], about 1-2 weeks before it opened both around the world and in the U.S, the hush-hush ending could slip out. 'That’s a big deal for those women and men who really stuck with us, who don't want to know the ending. It's not life altering. It won't help humankind. But it for those fans who don't want to know things early.'"

Paris Hilton is the picture of decency. No matter what her past has included, Paris no longer wants to be a part of movies where the ladies breasts' smattered across the big screen are not her own. She has standards, people. To prove her rock solid moral fiber, Paris skipped out on her one actual obligation in Cannes. SFGate reports:

Paris Hilton boycotted the Cannes premiere of her new movie after a fight with the producers.

The socialite was furious after discovering "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" filmmakers had added nudity to the movie without checking with her first.

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission.

"I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls.

"I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."

Way to stand your ground Paris. The only lady parts that should be involved in your various "projects" should be yours, accidentally of course.

The piece goes on to detail Paris' upcoming album, but I'm going to try to pretend that it doesn't and won't ever actually exist. If there is mercy in this world, we will never have to face that monstrosity.

These pictures are from the opening of Jet nightclub a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully the cameras were able to catch the moment when her giant duck feet and ambiguously jointed legs collapsed beneath the weight of her despicable personality.

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Dear Sharon Stone,
Please stop. You're scaring people. Like me. A lot.

I'm sure things would be okay between us if you hadn't tried to push the monstrosity that was Basic Instinct 2 on the world. Watching you perform the publicity rounds was like watching Barbaro at last week’s Preakness—it was gruesome; it was fascinating; you sort of knew that the animal might have to be put out of its misery.

At this point, though, you can’t erase those memories, even wearing a bizarre but decent dress and only moderately awkward hair/botoxed skin/excessive blush combination to the Cinema Against AIDS event in Cannes. I have your insanely awkward interview from The Daily Show seared into my brain. Nothing can fix that.

For the reasons stated above, I would like you to disappear for a little while. You know, like the good old days of the past few years where you were pretty quiet in Hollywood and would show up at events looking glamorous, not borderline insane.

Please don’t kill me,
Molly

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If I don't have anything nice to say, I probably shouldn't say anything at all. So I suppose it would be best to keep quiet about these photos of Chloe Sevigny in Cannes. Actually I have lots of nice things to say. Individually all of her parts are doing well. Her hair is okay. Her face looks tan and beautiful. Her shirt is, well, pretty horrible, but can be overlooked. Her skirt is cute. Her shoes are whatever.

Somehow when it all comes together, though, something goes horribly awry. The whole package just isn't sitting well. The camera angle isn’t doing her any favors, either. Very few people can pull of lighter hair than they have skin; apparently Chloe Sevigny isn't one of them.

She and Jenna Malone are promoting their upcoming film Lying, which sounds interesting, but I’m not sure I have it in me to look at Chloe for long periods of time anymore.

I’d like to think that this new distaste for Ms. Sevigny has nothing to do with Vincent Gallo’s genitalia, but just thinking about her interaction with said genitals has me feeling a bit queasy. To make matters worse, she is totally giving me the eye in that picture. Great, now I’m going to start having the nightmares again.

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I couple of days ago I read that Elton John made a comment along the lines of "All photographers should be shot." I naturally assumed he was referring to crazy paparazzi following him around and invading his privacy, but when I found this video I saw that he really just said this during the Chopard Trophy award ceremony at Cannes, and to the photographers faces. What would he rather? That there be no photographers at this event? I doubt it. Well, at least he's lighthearted about wishing bodily harm on the very people who are giving him publicity.

The critics at Cannes have been rough on some of the more anticipated films this year. The Da Vinci Code and Southland Tales, the new film from the Donnie Darko director, have both fared exceptionally poorly with the critics. It seems that Sofia Coppola’s Marie-Antoinette isn’t breaking the trend.

Marie-Antoinette, one of the early favourites for the Palme d'Or at Cannes Film Festival, was booed at the end of the first press screening on Wednesday.

The period drama stars Kirsten Dunst and was directed by Sofia Coppola, who made the award-winning Lost in Translation.

Coppola looked taken aback after being told of the early reaction and said it was "disappointing".

Remember yesterday when I admitted to enjoying the misery of others? I suppose this is a little more vindictive, but I find pleasure in this film sucking, for it takes down two of my celebrity peeves at once: Sofia Coppola and Kirsten Dunst.

It’s not that I don’t like Sofia Coppola, I just think she’s overrated. Yes, I am just about the only person who didn’t love Lost in Translation. And just look at what she did to Godfather III (I’ve never seen the whole thing, and I'm talking out of my ass, so take that with a grain or twenty of salt). I'd like to see her taken down a notch on the General Pretension and Disdain for Plebians scale.

I assume I don’t really even need to cover why I don’t like Kirsten Dunst’s boney ass. Let’s just say that I don’t find her whiney voice and ‘pity me’ acting style all that adorable. I don't want anything bad to happen to her physically or personally, just, ya know, for her movies to bomb and her outfits to be universally panned. That's not so terrible.

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It's Cannes week in Morning Moving Picture (or Cannes couple days, we'll see how it goes). In honor of the film festival, I am scraping up old video clips from the event in prior years. Today's clip is an incredible display of fluid coordination. I suppose this clip is NSFW considering it is a Sophie Marceau boob-slip, but her reaction time is so impeccable I'm not sure it even counts as a real slip.

The French actress is the anti-Tara Reid, meaning she actually has sensation in her breasts and realizes immediately when something has gone wrong. Check out the Tara Reid incident for comparison.

I admit, sometimes I find pleasure in the misery of others. Especially when I find said ‘other’ to be a kinda sorta huge douche bag. Now is one of those times, and I must say, I looked through these photos of Bruce Willis getting drenched from a spontaneous downpour during an interview in Cannes, and giggled to myself quite a lot. Luckily, NBC was there to tape the incident and create this glorious slideshow.

Of course, I am an asshole and will get my karmic retribution sometime soon, but until then, there’s nothing like seeing a celebrity’s face in that combination of shock, anger, and embarrassment when something like this happens. Of course this was not Bruce Willis’ fault, but maybe Mother Nature gets the same pleasure from watching others realize that their pants are going to be wet for the rest of the day that I do.

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I’ve always thought that Paris Hilton was a reminiscent of an exotic animal. I just never realized that she was almost a member of the Simian family. Now that I’m looking, she does have remarkably long arms. A little head scratching is no problem, hell, we all get confused sometimes, just as long as she doesn’t adopt other chimp tendencies. (Like, say, feces flinging as a means to do away with pesky paparazzi.)

Paris is in Cannes hob-nobbing with the Hollywood elite, squeezing in some shopping and ice cream on a beautiful day.

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In honor of the Cannes Film Festival currently in progress, I have been scouring the internet for Cannes video butterflies to release out of their cocoons onto you. After a lengthy YouTube session I came upon this Jean Claude Van Damme beauty. At first I couldn’t stop watching the first ten seconds over and over and over again. The dancing! The rhythm! The slack-jawed facial contortions not unlike the ones I picture him making in the heat of passion!

This almost wasn’t enough to earn as spot in Morning Moving Picture, but then I listened all the way through the Frenglish (is that a word, it should be) interview and completely lost it during the last five seconds. Mid-sentence Jean Claude spots a beautiful woman, and, well, I’ll just let you hear his mating call for yourself.

I'm not exactly sure whether Tara Reid could finagle her way into any events at Cannes Film Festival, but she showed up anyway. That's the great thing about a girl like Tara. You don't have to invite her. When she turns on her vodka-dar she'll find the party no matter what. Sister is even looking a few sheets to the wind during this mid-day stroll; perhaps there was a champagne breakfast at which Rainbow Brite here could overstay her welcome.

Instead of deriding Ms. Reid, I aplaud her devotion to the open bar at home and abroad. It doesn't matter where the party may be, Tara will find a way. So, Bravo Sloppy McDrunk, god knows I'd do the same thing if I had the chance.