After hours spent poring over pictures of bare breasts, Patrick Mallucci, a British cosmetic surgeon, says he has discovered the formula for the perfect boob.

The key aesthetic elements are nipple position and the proportion between the upper and lower halves of the breast, he said.

"The ideal is a 45 to 55 per cent proportion - that is the nipple sits not at the half-way mark down the breast, but at about 45 per cent from the top."

His calculations complete, Mallucci then objectively rated the breasts of busty celebrities. According to the doctor, the best pair belongs to a model named Caprice. The worst set, he say, is that of ex-pat tart Victoria Beckham, which will undoubtedly be a major blow to such a majorly damaged self-esteem! Major!

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